How would you respond?

[Kungfupandaworksout16]

Pink - my sister
green - sisters OH
Purple - my child minder

The end of the text says " so he feels like part of the family xx love you xx "

How in the bleeding hell do I respond to this without another argument starting?





part 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2632927-Should-I-just-swallow-my-pride

part 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2633818-I-tried-too-swallow-my-pride

[RaeSkywalker]

Oh no! It continues!!

What do you want to do? Is her OH on the family table on your plan? I'd be wary about him 'sitting outside'- I can see how that would become "I'll just stand at the back".

[LupoLounger]

Well, you can't really :S

I guess it depends how you feel to her suggestions.

I mean, him being in the waiting area isn't so bad if you look at it one way. It's kind of passive aggressive if you choose to look at it through another lens. You know the bloke, so you call the lens. Do you think he might still try to ruin the ceremony from outside? Or would it just cast a shadow.

Not sure I'd be happy to pay for a baby sitter to come to the wedding party, to be quite honest. Depends on what you've said previously and what your relationship with her is, but I'd feel a bit like the piss hath been taken. Your Mileage May Vary.

What were your plans for top table? Very few made mine, which made it easier. Maybe you had a seat planned for him anyway?

Hugs - this sounds like how I feared my wedding planning would go. I'm glad our guests were so amenable to our stipulations to our faces

[potoftea]

Have read your previous posts. Oh my God I'd crack up dealing with someone so self absorbed as her.
I would advise replying with exact same info as previous messages, use the broken record technique that is advised for use with toddlers. Say no, he can't wait outside but is very welcome at the party as already stated.

[Costacoffeeplease]

I'd have lost patience and told them all to sod off ages ago - what a complete twat he is

[Barmaid101]

Definitely do not give him a role! Bloody hell!
Feel for you, and for her being in that relationship. Surely between the two of them they could manage the children. And if I were you I would say seating plan already done and possibly no siblings on top table on either side

[DementedUnicorn]

I don't understand?

[DementedUnicorn]

didn't see the screenshot!

[Chippednailvarnishing]

Dear Sis, no he's a prick.
Love
Kung.

[Eminado]

face palms

[Brightnorthernlights]

When I read, can ..... have a roll, I thought it meant cheese or ham, to keep him going

[ChaseAvenal]

I lurked on your last two threads but I am getting so annoyed, it's like they're trying to piss you off!

I'd be tempted to ignore the whole thing, but she might take that as you complying.
Or go through each question going 'yes, yes, no, yes, no' as appropriate.

Point by point:
I think him staying outside would be ok as long as you think everyone will remain firm with the boundaries. Since your room has a limit of 10 people I'd imagine he can't just sneak in at the back.
I don't quite get the childminder thing- am I to gather that your childminder is looking after your DC and she wants them to look after hers as well? I think that's a bit of a piss take but I'd say it's up to the childminder really and she should be the one to contact them. If your childminder is no longer coming then I guess it's a straightforward no.
I don't know what your arrangements are for tables but I gather since her OH was originally invited to the party so depends what you originally decided.
Why would her OHs family come though? I presume you only have a set number of people so on that basis I'd refuse, or at least pretend that is the case.

The whole thing seems like a piss take and if it was anyone other than your own sister I'd say to tell her to f off. As it is I think you need to assess where your boundaries are, and set them. If she whines then tell her it seems like she just doesn't actually want to go with all the caveats she's attaching.

[ChaseAvenal]

And no there is not a role he can have in the wedding! Ridiculous.

[Kungfupandaworksout16]

chase the original plan was for the child minder was to pick up my neices from school meet at ceremony and that was it.

I have no problem with him waiting outside, nor his family attending the party that was the original plan for them to be coming along. There isn't really a role I could give him and as for the table it's me and DP and parents so can hardly allow him up there and non of the siblings and BILs and SILs

bright that's how I know it isn't my sister , she's a fantastic speller. But wouldn't surprise me if he starts demanding certain food items on the menu

[LaContessaDiPlump]

Oh he is grasping now - he's seen you won't back down so easily and is now trying the sneakier route.

It's hard to bar him from waiting outside without you sounding like a complete arse unfortunately. I'd have a word with the childminder about saying NO, then tell your sister to contact childminder and feign astonishment when it's no. He cannot sit at the top table as that's sorted, venue says can't change it, sorry. His family can attend the party.

I feel for you op, he is AWFUL.

[LaContessaDiPlump]

And no he can't have a fucking role!!

[Costacoffeeplease]

Can you not make him parking attendant - at the local multi storey?

[RaptorInaPorkPieHat]

"it's been so tough for all of us" oh fuck off!

Give him a role playing the world's smallest violin

[LaContessaDiPlump]

Actually I'd now be tempted to reply with simply 'I know it's you, James.'

Only if he's called James obv

[LupoLounger]

@KunguFu - if that was your plan for the top table then its a COLOSSAL piss take. He's going to sit up there like a bloody ornament when all the siblings are distributed around the room? Like attention much?

At least your reply back wont cost you many texts. In fact, you can fit in two words.

(Sorry - I know it's not that simple when it's family, but he's even making me angry now and I'm hardly Mr Bloody-Wedding-Sappy)

[Kungfupandaworksout16]

costa I'd only give him that role if I knew it was to be a really windy day

Diplump I like the idea of the child minder! I'd feel a bit of prat saying want to come to my wedding reception.... To watch my sisters children. I'll definitley text the childminder informing her what my sister has planned.

[ShootingStar75]

Cheeky twat isn't he?
I'd reply something like 'if he wants to wait outside that's fine and his family are more than welcome as already said. If you want to hire the childminder for the party you'd have to contact her to arrange it direct with her, the number is yy we wouldn't be able to cover the cost for this. There isn't a specific role to give him without leaving out the everyone else who are also joining us as guests and there is only dh, I and our parents on the front table. Glad you can make it though look forward to seeing you'.

[FlopIsMyParentingGuru]

Personally I think if you give an inch he'll take a mile. Rather than respond to each point i would start having a standard response that I kept trotting out along the lines of

"Sorry but I don't want to let other family members feel put out that there partners can't do the same so I think it's best not to.
We've placed him on xx table as we've done with other partners of family members and don't want to make other partners of family members feel upset if we changed this.
As its a small/informal gathering we're not really going for the formal roles some weddings have.
Hope you can attend but if not we'll catch up at the party, it'll be such fun blah de blah"

[Chippednailvarnishing]

In all seriousness, tell them not to come or you'll spend your wedding day worrying about how they might behave.
Your Dsis has chosen to be with him, you haven't.

[CodyKing]

Wow - WTF? I've seen some cheek on her but he really takes the biscuit.

Dear sis, back off! Come/ don't come - your choice - this is my day not yours -

Love

[RaeSkywalker]

Do not give him a role (or a roll). What a bananas thing to ask! You can't force your way to be pet of a wedding!