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if I return this gift?

(80 Posts)
MrsDeathOfRats Thu 12-May-16 06:54:50

Was H's birthday on Monday.
Dd (4) got him a cup as a gift as she knows he loves his coffee in the morning and he complains about the lack of cups in the cupboard (there are 6 cups - 4 of which are 'mine' in that they were gifted to me. We did have a set of plain mugs but hey have all but 2 been broken and he doesn't want to use my flowery/butterfly/personal mugs)

Now it's Thursday and each day he has either reached past the cup he was gifted to get one of the 2 others left or -like today - actually washed up one of the 2 others instead of use the one he was gifted.
He has form for this. I have bought him jumpers in the past and he will wait months before wearing them.
Bought him an electric toothbrush once - sat in the box in the cupboard for 5 months before he used it.

WIBU to send it back to Amazon? It hasn't been used. Is in the same condition it was when it arrived.

So as not to drip feed: things have deteriorated between myself and h this week to the point where I have instructed solicitors to divorce so I may be feeling extra emotions about this admittedly stupid situation

I think it WIBU but it is pissing me off

Ginmakesitallok Thu 12-May-16 06:57:29

Yabu, and you know it! He can use whatever mug he wants!

LuckySantangelo1 Thu 12-May-16 07:00:19

Sorry that things are bad between you two. But no you can't send back the mug. And off topic I know but how do you cope with 6 mugs?! Although there is a constant stream of tea on the go in my house smile

ButtonsAndBows Thu 12-May-16 07:00:45

Hmmm if I have a nice mug I tend to save it. I had a nice "mum" mug which sat possibly for years before I think someone else used it so then I started. I'm scared to ruin or break any nice gifted ones

Stardust160 Thu 12-May-16 07:01:12

You done a thread about returning a mug because your husband won't use it hmmbiscuit

Some people like bigger mugs or ones that keep coffee hotter for long. Is this the reason for the divorce?

AlpacaPicnic Thu 12-May-16 07:01:37

What would he do if you used the mug yourself? Is it that he doesn't like it, or does he not like showing enthusiasm about gifts?

Lilaclily Thu 12-May-16 07:01:58

You can't return it its from dd not you !

SoupDragon Thu 12-May-16 07:04:07

YABU and I do think you know it. With the beginnings of divorce, it's not surprising you're extra pissed off with him.

I bought 4 expensive personalised mugs recently. They make me smile every time I open the cupboard but I usually pick a different mug to use.

MrsDeathOfRats Thu 12-May-16 07:04:38

Yeah I thought as much... It is really annoying though.
Dd hasn't exactly noticed it but she did ask him on Tuesday if he enjoyed his new mug and of course he had to say he hadn't used it.

SoupDragon Thu 12-May-16 07:05:08

Is this the reason for the divorce?

Yes, Stardust. The OP is divorcing her husband because he won't use a mug.

Don't be ridiculous!

Lilaclily Thu 12-May-16 07:05:36

Soon him and his mug will no longer be there to annoy you grin

ladymariner Thu 12-May-16 07:05:42

Maybe he doesn't want to use it because he doesn't want to damage it, he wants to use older ones first? maybe you're over-reacting

LaurieFairyCake Thu 12-May-16 07:05:54

Your dh doesn't like change.

You can't punish him for this.

My dh had a hole in the toe in his slipper. So I bought him a new pair. He'd got used to the hole so didn't wear them for 6 months until it gave somewhere else.

It's a quirk. Focus on what's really going on in your relationship and not the (harmless) quirk.

londonrach Thu 12-May-16 07:06:45

You cant return it its nothing to do with you. Dd gave it your dh. Cant believe you have 4 mugs out of 6 he cant use. Do you use all 4 at the same time?

FreshPrincessOfBelAir Thu 12-May-16 07:06:57

This is one of those things where you have completely lost perspective. It's a mug. Sorry things are so stressful but if you step back and think about it logically you are just focussing your frustration on this one irritant. Don't return it, it's not yours to return and it will make you look petty and silly.
Go and buy some more mugs btw. 6 is an insane amount of mugs to own. You need more!

Hope things go as smoothly as possible with the solicitors.

JonSnowsBeardClippings Thu 12-May-16 07:08:29

It's not about the mug is it?
Don't return the mug, he can have it when he moves into his own place. He will need it!

Arfarfanarf Thu 12-May-16 07:09:27

Is he one of those people that doesnt want to use new stuff? It's new cant use it must keep it new dont want to ruin it...

Im a bit like that with clothes. Keep buying them then wear the same old worn out one because i dont want to 'waste' the clothes by wearing them out hmm it's really quite bonkers but not in itself malicious.
Unless you think he is not using the mug in order to make some sort of stupid point? In which case, use it yourself. If he is doing this to niggle you, best thing is to delibwrately not notice. It's only a mug. Use it.

Or make him a coffee in it when you make yourself one. If it's the silly ' its new wont use it' thing, then taking the cup's virginity grin will see it get used.

But of course, as is often the case, this isnt about the mug.

MrsDeathOfRats Thu 12-May-16 07:12:42

is this the reason for the divorce

Yes. Entirely yes. Our marriage has been absolutely wonderful but he didn't use the mug immediately so I'm divorcing him....

Or... No.

I guess I just wanted to rant a little!

curren Thu 12-May-16 07:18:02

Obviously your marriage is done in all but name.

But to do this would push into complete pettiness. Actions like this end up in a terrible tit for tat divorce.

Going down the route of this behaviour isn't going to help your marriage or help divorce. Yabu.

But I also understand it's not really about the mug. But just rise above it.

AlpacaPicnic Thu 12-May-16 07:19:27

Ok so maybe I'm a bit odd here but if my 4 year old gave me a lovely present I'd go out of my way to enthusiastically use it and tell them how lovely it was.

Disregarding everything else, I think he's being an arse to your dd. Has she noticed?

Bringiton2016 Thu 12-May-16 07:20:07

If you're divorcing how do you even have the energy for this?!

Hope you're OK.

penguinplease Thu 12-May-16 07:21:29

Oh I do this with new stuff all the time, takes me months to get round to using it.
Funnily enough my dc got me a mug for my bday last year... And to this day it's still not used.
Think I'll go have my coffee in it now as I feel bad that it might actually bother them!

Coconutty Thu 12-May-16 07:26:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

leelu66 Thu 12-May-16 07:29:17

As Arf and Laurie says, it sounds like your H doesn't like change. It doesn't sound like he is being passive aggressive by not using the mug, so YABU.

It would be interesting to know the actual reasons for the divorce, because this thread is making you look extremely petty I'm afraid.

icklekid Thu 12-May-16 07:29:43

I'm sure sending it back would upset your dd and therefore doubt that's a good idea. However I can imagine that it is very frustrating to deal with and is just the straw that has broken the camels back so to speak! Take care and enjoy a nice big coffee in your favourite mug brew

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