to want to downsize/ want DH to change his job?-air(8 Posts)
Background we have 2 DC are doing ok financially DH has had a few promotions and we can comfortable afford the house we live in and holiday, kids activities etc.
I have reduced my hours and work part time. Not rich but comfortable.
Downside DH is stressed, works late all the time, grumpy and during the week I may as well be a single parent. Knew about the long hours would be on occasions but seems to have increased. DH tells me this will improve in the next few months hopefully ￼
Weekends are hit and miss often DH will spend some time replying to emails but we usually have some good family time.
We don't have any couple time and although I have complained he hasn't done anything to improve it. He has suggested days out just us to but I will need to arrange someone to have kids etc which will be nice but will be a month or so before I can arrange it. All I really wanted was a night a week we eat tea together and maybe watch a film or something! I have said this and he has said he will try but I phoned home before sorting my tea and he said he will be home late each time ￼.
I know he is Under a lot of stress and work and I don't want to add to it but I don't want to live my life like this. I have always said money is nice but you spend what you earn so as long as we can cover the bills I'm happy.
Ive started to become insecure because of the lack of time we spend together and I want family and our relationship to come first.
I can't see how it will if he stays in this job but I know he is proud of what he has achieved and may struggle to get another less stressful (and lower paid) job.
I don't know how to raise the issue of possibly downsizing and him changing jobs especially as he keeps sending me links to more expensive houses on right move to look at!
I'm afraid he will value his job and money over our relationship/family and his health (the stress can't be good) he is struggling sleeping/ dealing with stress.
Sorry for the long post
You're not being entirely unreasonable, however it may not just be about money for your husband. Enjoyment of his job and professional achievement could play a big part for him and you are asking him to step off the career ladder which could lead to him resenting you as much as you are starting to resent him now.
There is no right or wrong here.
I get that family time is important. But it sounds like you do get it at weekends. And I do get that you would prefer a drop in life style and having him around more.
But on the other hand, He has worked hard to work his way up. He wouldn't be unreasonable to not want to jack it all in now.
He may want a better house you would be happy with a smaller house. Neither is wrong. It's not something anyone can advise on as what suits one couple wouldn't suit another.
You need to talk and see if there are any compromises.
If he reduced his hours, would you be willing to increase yours so you don't have to downsize?
It's wrong to be grumpy all the time and it's wrong to force an unwilling spouse to do all the weekday domestic work so that you can feel important in your job.
YANBU at all. Did you have any discussions before he went for promotion about the implications?
Do you think by reducing your hours you now have more time to overthink and over analyse things? I'm not sure how the downside is your dh is stressed, works late, grumpy....?
Is your dh indispensable at work? Is he struggling with the work or the workload? Does he do anything for himself outside of work? Do you?
Definitely have a talk with him about your concerns.
You are not alone in feeling like a single mother at times but it's very different from actually being a single mother, think about it.
You have a good life, hopefully things will ease up at work with dh, if your DC are at school maybe get dh to schedule some time out to spend some time with you during the week, spa, lunch, cinema, day in bed or for himself to do something he likes to do to de stress, my dh finds a day of golf gives him the head space he needs.
All the best.
Sorry writing quick missed the promotion bit, in that case he's probably just getting stuck in and like he said hopefully things will improve.
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