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To think that you don't call after 9pm just for a chat

(150 Posts)
MummaGiles Wed 11-May-16 21:50:17

I am donning my hard hat.

My PIL seem to think that it is fine to call at 9.30 on a week night just for a chat and a catch up at least once a month (this isn't the only time we talk to them). Every time they do it we answer asking if everything is ok, because you'd think that if someone was calling at that time something might be wrong. But they don't seem to get the message. AIBU to get irritated by this?

PNGirl Wed 11-May-16 21:52:36

Don't answer. We don't always, especially if in the middle of a TV episode.

MiddleClassProblem Wed 11-May-16 21:52:52

I think YABU. After 10 maybe but are they calling you or dp? If do then it's that up to them?

VegasIsBest Wed 11-May-16 21:54:05

9.30?? What's the issue?

40somethingwonderful Wed 11-May-16 21:55:09

I'm normally in bed by 9.30 as yanbu

PNGirl Wed 11-May-16 21:55:09

My mum tends to be on for about an hour so finishing a call at 10.30 when I have work in the morning is too late for me.

2ManySweets Wed 11-May-16 21:57:20

Are you 35+ by any chance? My friends and I associate calls after 9pm with "emergencies": those as little as 5 years younger just don't get it.

In this case though YABU if it's only happening once every couple of weeks or so. My ex PIL would call up as late as 11pm as they knew their DS was a total night owl.


GrimmauldPlace Wed 11-May-16 21:58:30

YANBU. But I appreciate not everyone is like me. I usually shut down for the evening at about 8 and 9 times out of 10 I'm asleep by 9! Anyone who knows me knows not to call after 8pm unless it's an emergency though. Because I've explicitly told them not to. If your PIL's aren't taking the hint then just tell them straight. Or why not call them earlier in the evening and beat them to it?

Magicpaintbrush Wed 11-May-16 21:58:43

YANBU. This would piss me off too. I would tell them straight that you'd rather they didn't ring so late in the evening (night!). It is very jarring when the phone rings close(ish) to bedtime.

mogloveseggs Wed 11-May-16 21:58:57

Yanbu. I go to bed normally around that time.

happystory Wed 11-May-16 22:00:23

No way, we are knackered by 9 o'clock. Don't they do texting? Then you could have mini chats at any time. Otherwise I think you have to have a chat with them about this, not at 9.30 pm obviously!

OhtoblazeswithElvira Wed 11-May-16 22:03:58


My MIL does this -calls at any time for rambling chats monologues. She once called at 11:15 in he night and still couldn't see what the problem was. She can't grasp the idea that some people need to get up early to go to work. Also I have elderly, fragile relatives and when the phone goes in the night you always worry...

She totally doesn't get any of this so I just don't answer the phone when it's her - DP can deal with her.

MissPunnyMany Wed 11-May-16 22:04:27

It's too late for me, we're engrossed in a programme by then and go to bed at 10pm, sometimes earlier.

There is no right or wrong here as some people stay up much later than others. My sister for example is up until all hours and will have baths at midnight before bed (which is crazy in my view). She then wonders why she is so exhausted and traipses around in the day white as a sheet yawning hmm Another friend starts work at 4am so goes to bed at 8pm.

If it's too late for a chat you just need to either tell them or ignore the phone. If it's urgent they'll leave a message presumably.

YANBU in my view.

Pinkheart5915 Wed 11-May-16 22:06:13

My mum calls at 10:30pm every Wednesday & Sunday. We don't go to bed until midnight so it's no problem and with only a downstairs phone it doesn't wake ds.

MummaGiles Wed 11-May-16 22:06:34

I'm not 35+, but I am 30+. We have a young child asleep at that time too, and they are calling the landline so it is noisy!

2ManySweets Wed 11-May-16 22:08:13

Landline? Ok: YADNBU. That's idiotic at best and downs right inconsiderate at worst.

MiddleClassProblem Wed 11-May-16 22:10:16

Could you not just say can you call before x o'clock from now on?

MummaGiles Wed 11-May-16 22:12:04

Middleclass - I am going to have to get DH to have a word about it I think. They just don't get the hint!

MummaGiles Wed 11-May-16 22:12:55

They also have a truly irritating habit of putting their own phone on speaker so they can both talk at the same time 😤

Oakmaiden Wed 11-May-16 22:14:50

I think it depends how well you know the person you are phoning.

If phoning an acquaintance I wouldn't phone after 8/8:30. Most friends I might phone up til about 9. My mother I would phone anytime before 11, because she is a night owl and I know she will still be up.

She wouldn't phone me after 10 because she knows I often go to bed around then.

Listerscat Wed 11-May-16 22:15:30

I think it all depends on lifestyle.

I wouldn't call my sister at 9.30pm as I know she'd be in bed. She doesn't do late nights and she doesn't really want to chat to anyone after she's had her dinner and got ready for bed. I would call my parents until around 11pm because I know that df will be watching tv in the frontroom until about 11.30 and Mum doesnt keep the landline upstairs so it doesn't wake her up.

Dh and his father do different jobs, but both leave at 7am and wont be home until 10 or 11pm. Neither bother with more than 4 hours sleep, so dh and his df will think nothing of phonecalls at 1am, even 2am and because dh's extended family all know this they don't really have a cut off point and will ring him at all hours, as will his work colleague (they're also good mates)

Also, because my DU knows that dh keeps me up late, he will often call me on his way home from work at midnight, but doesnt himself answer calls before 10.30am! (He's 68 and no longer starts work before lunch)

If pils are dusturbing you in the evening it might be that it genuinely hasn't occurred to them that they're actually disturbing you. Next time I'd drop unsubtle hints; lots of yawns and mentions of "just drifting off" and "phone made me jump" "had just gone up to bed"... hth

CocktailQueen Wed 11-May-16 22:17:12

Landline? Ok: YADNBU. That's idiotic at best and downs right inconsiderate at worst.

In what universe is it idiotic or inconsiderate to ring someone's landline?? 9.30 is not the wee small hours. Landlines are an accepted way of communicating. Jesus.

Lightbulbon Wed 11-May-16 22:18:03

I wouldn't think of half 9 as late.

Aren't you busy with kids bedtimes before than anyway?

MiddleClassProblem Wed 11-May-16 22:21:33

I just don't understand if they did it once why you wouldn't say "oh sorry, don't want to wake the kids, next time could you call before x or I call you?"

shinynewusername Wed 11-May-16 22:21:58

If you ring my DM after 10, she answers with, "Who's died?".

It is highly effective in deterring late callers grin

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