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To feel so ashamed

(66 Posts)
Nerdygalwithabook Wed 11-May-16 15:55:15

Mental health problems. Do they make you feel ashamed?

x2boys Wed 11-May-16 15:58:04

Why do you feel ashamed ? I was an RMN for many years me talking illness is just like any illness would you feel ashamed if you had diabetes for example?

x2boys Wed 11-May-16 15:58:35

Mental ffs *

mumcantmakeadecision Wed 11-May-16 15:59:48

Feel ashamed for what? Suffering with an illness?? Hell no. Would you tell a cancer sufferer they should feel ashamed? Of course not. It's an illness, nothing for you to feel ashamed about.

MiddleClassProblem Wed 11-May-16 16:00:30

I think I was when I was first diagnosed but now I talk about it openly because it's pretty common and most people go through something or are close to someone who has and think I think it's important to know you're not on your own

FlyingElbows Wed 11-May-16 16:00:31

Do you mean ashamed because you have a mh problem or feeling ashamed as part of the mh problem?

Nerdygalwithabook Wed 11-May-16 16:11:35

Feeling ashamed for wanting to go to sleep and never wake up.
I have Emetaphobia and it's taking over my life.

travellinghopefully12 Wed 11-May-16 16:22:10

Nerdy I'm sorry, that sounds awful. I don't know what to say, other than you shouldn't feel ashamed (though it is easier to say than do.)

Also, I suggest MNHQ maybe stick a trigger warning on this one.

MiddleClassProblem Wed 11-May-16 16:23:16

Have you had cbt or something similar? It's all about managing it.

I had severe depression, regularly wanted to go. I think to a degree it always stays with you but just at the back of your mind rather than the front. I understand what you mean about feeling ashamed as its not like you can just say it to people and they have no idea what you have been thinking about or how close you came to doing it.

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar Wed 11-May-16 16:24:56

There's no reason whatsoever to feel ashamed for being ill. Would it help to talk about how you are feeling?

Vagabond Wed 11-May-16 16:27:10

Nerdy, I had that too when I was younger. It was really debilitating. This may make you feel better or worse but ....I seemed to attract it! I got vomited on randomly by people three times during my worst phase of this. And..... totally grossed me out, of course, but it cured me. One guy puked all over my feet while I was talking to him.....My worst fear happened. Somehow, it did cure me.

Ilovetorrentialrain Wed 11-May-16 16:28:44

Nothing to feel ashamed about. Have you sought any help? X

Pinkheart5915 Wed 11-May-16 16:29:04

I don't have mental health issues, but I don't think anybody should be ashamed to say they do.
It is something people have no control over, it's not a choice.
I think in society people don't talk about mental health enough and a lot of people don't really understand it, then people with mental health issues feel ashamed to mention it.

MrsKoala Wed 11-May-16 16:30:28

I have bipolar and although i am not ashamed of having an illness i am ashamed of some of the things i have done while manic. I am ashamed, embarassed, sorry, humiliated etc. I have caused a lot of hurt and pain and embarrassment and inconvenience to others. So yes i think it's fairly normal to feel ashamed when i have behaved like that.

I have also felt suicidal, but i don't feel ashamed about that.

Sorry you are feeling bad OP

timelytess Wed 11-May-16 16:31:13

Not even slightly. I'm second generation nut-job and consider I've done well to get this far. 58, not dead, not incarcerated! Kicks survival ass.

OP, its not your fault - tell yourself that when you feel ashamed.

I feel ashamed of some of the consequences of my depression and anxiety, and of not being 'like everyone else' but I fight it because the illness is genuinely an illness, and I'm not ashamed of that at all.

Comparison is the thief of joy. Sod what everyone else thinks you should be and be who you are.

I had my suicidal urges removed by hypnotherapy from a clinical psychologist - drastic and I lost a lot of other stuff too, but now, though I get the images sometimes, I don't have that compulsion to go.

potoftea Wed 11-May-16 16:31:28

Yes OP I do feel ashamed.
I know logically I shouldn't, I know I wouldn't feel ashamed of cancer or asthma or a bad back, and mental health problems are no more my fault than any of those. But I still feel ashamed, weak and embarrassed.
I'm sure its common, for all the supposed acceptance, I think people with mental health issues are seen as weaker.
But I only feel that for myself, would honestly never feel like that about anyone else, so I guess its a symptom of how wrong my thinking is too.

NuckyT Wed 11-May-16 16:32:28

I feel embarrassed and self-conscious about it, like everybody is judging me. I should have taken time off of work on a number of occasions but didn't because I was afraid of what people would think of me.

I also feel ashamed when I'm too tired or down to enjoy company with my children, or if I'm short with them for no particularly good reason.

ParanoidGynodroid Wed 11-May-16 16:32:40

One of my DCs suffered terribly with a MH, now managed with drugs. I was told not to mention it to anyone, even though I tried to point out to her that she had an illness, something she couldn't help, just the same as any physical illness. Nothing to be ashamed of.
Perhaps it's more embarrassment than shame?
Perhaps people with MH issues feel that their illness is a sign of weakness?
Also, I think that mental illness are still fairly little understood, often not given much sympathy by a good many (ignorant) people.

Don't be ashamed, OP, please confide in people you trust and try to get the help you need.

Nerdygalwithabook Wed 11-May-16 16:32:59

Maybe talking would help. I don't have any friends that arnt my mum or partner.
It takes over everything. If I didn't have my family/partner I would be pretty sure that it was time to go. This wouldn't be living just enduring.

Nerdygalwithabook Wed 11-May-16 16:34:19

I also have some bladder problems I need a cystoscopy for and need allergy testing and epi pen. I feel ashamed of these too.

shiveringhiccup Wed 11-May-16 16:35:23

Rationally, there is absolutely nothing whatsoever to be ashamed of.

However mental health issues aren't rational, and shame is part of it. It fuels it.

Fwiw some people with physical issues feel ashamed.

Hope you're ok OP. Nothing to be ashamed of. But it's ok if you feel ashamed too. Don't feel ashamed of feeling ashamed! smile

shiveringhiccup Wed 11-May-16 16:36:52

Could you look onto counselling?

If not there's always mumsnet! flowers

toastandbutterandjam Wed 11-May-16 16:37:07

I have mental health problems. I was made to feel ashamed of them at one point, but now, I just speak about them the same way I do my physical health problems.

I also have Emetaphobia. I haven't had treatment, but it can be so difficult. I do feel it takes over my life sometimes. There was a vomiting bug in my household a couple of weeks ago and I sat awake all night in tears because I felt I couldn't cope with it.
I did get through it in the end - although it felt like I wouldn't.

Is there any way you can seek treatment?

I hope things improve for youflowers

claraschu Wed 11-May-16 16:37:37

I think sometimes people feel ashamed of other health problems too. As we realise that lots of illnesses are affected by lifestyle and diet, people feel more responsible for their own health issues.

This feeling of responsibility can be empowering or debilitating depending how we respond to it. Shame, in my experience, is debilitating.

Nerdygalwithabook Wed 11-May-16 16:44:01

Thank you. I feel too ashamed to talk about it. Emetaphobia. You can't eat can't go out. Etc. I hate it!!

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