To not go to a hen do?

[TheCatSofa]

So background - one of my best friends hen do is this weekend. It's 2 nights away, I have already paid for one night but can no longer go overnight due to childcare issues. She wants me to come just for the day with my 2 boys, 3 & 3months. It's 2 hours on train from where I live. I would be travelling 4 hours in total there & back for 4 hours there having a lunch. I am not confident about going out with 2 kids yet, every time I go anywhere it turns into a massive meltdown from the older one & I get v stressed out. Family can't help due to illness/work & all my friends have kids so can't really dump mine on anyone else. I feel like I'm being a bit of a lame crap friend but I also don't really feel it's worth it for 4 hours...

[WorraLiberty]

Of course YANBU

It's a no brainer.

[LadyAntonella]

Yanbu. I definitely wouldn't go under those circumstances.

[brassbrass]

If a friend expects you to do an 8 hour round trip with the 3 month old baby then they are not your friend!

[brassbrass]

sorry bad maths! 4 hour round trip, not that it makes any difference it's still too much.

[tabulahrasa]

If you have friends with kids...can you ask one to take the toddler and a different one to take the baby so you can go for lunch?...or take the baby with you? 3 month olds are usually fairly portable.

That's not as big a favour as both kids.

[TheCatSofa]

Thanks everyone. My friend doesn't know where the hen do is so doesn't know the travel time. She keeps telling me how much it would mean to her for me to be there so I feel bad not making the effort. It's so hard when you have kids trying to keep them & other people happy.
I kind of know I'm NBU but have guilt about not going, but I think you're right that focus would be on them not her & I wouldn't have much fun. Gah!

[ClubTropicanaDrinks]

Perhaps she just feels bad that you've already paid and won't get to go so is offering an option to still include you but would actually be fine if you say you just can't do it?

Could always suggest taking her for lunch somewhere just to the two of you on another occasion before the wedding (if time)?

[DuckAndPancakes]

YANBU
situations change and your family/you come first. If friend tries to make you feel bad, turn a blind eye.

I missed my SIL hen do because I had a complete and utter breakdown. DP and I had lost our jobs, our business and soon our home and I have MH problems. I couldn't even deal with taking my daughter to school. SIL told me I was selfish and that I should have gone. Luckily for her, I kept my mouth relatively closed about where she should have gone.

[TheCrumpettyTree]

Yanbu, it would be a lot of stress, I wouldn't do it.