To cancel holiday

[flirtygirl]

Ive booked a 5 day seaside break, part educational with trips booked and planned but not really my cup of tea but trying hard for my 2 dds. Its 2.5 hr car journey away and self catering so lots of planning needed.

Will lose the money paid but will be less than paying for meals, food, petrol and treats and still not enjoy myself.

My husband after an argument and whilst not talking to me booked a flight abroad for himself to have 2 wks in his home country with his family. Now he has told me and the two trips overlap, im not putout about not going abroad as not particularly keen to spend time there again but i am putout to go on this trip alone. He did know the dates but thats another issue and he doesnt eant us to go and would be happy if i cancelled.

Mentioned it to my mum who now wants to come along with my niece. I should be grateful but i dont want to go with them, my mum criticizes my parenting style and i dont think i can take that for 5 days, my oldest dd is autistic and thats enough to deal with. My niece has aspergers syndrome and that also seems like extra work even though shes nearly 19.

For extra info my parenting style is as relaxed as possible, ie no set wake up times on days without activities and trips, set bedtimes are quite late, i do child led home education, not autonomous but dds choose most of what they do ( the only constants being maths and english for dd aged 6), im strict with manners but mum often says why are you talking to them about that as if asked i explain almost everything, incidently need to use same terms to explain to autistic dd aged 17 as to younger dd aged 6.

Aibu to cancel the trip and what do i say to my mum as honesty will hurt her feelings?

[nobilityobliges]

I guess it slightly depends what your DDs will get out of it. Is it going to be their only holiday for the year? How much time do they get to spend with their GM? Your DH sounds like an arse.

[grannytomine]

I'd go and have a girly time with your daughters but obviously I don't live with the issues you have so what is right for me isn't likely the same for you.

For what its worth I think it could be easier without him, I always find sorting out food is easier without men but maybe my husband and sons are just big eaters so I seem to spend my life cooking.

[frazmum]

Go on your own with the kids, keep it really low key. Enjoy the break from your DH who's being awful. 2.5 hours isn't far, just stop on the way if you want. Tell your mum you just want some quiet time with the kids.

[Lovewineandchocs]

I agree with frazmum. Your DH being a selfish arse and not wanting you to go on the trip even though he's swanning off abroad for 2 weeks would be enough in itself to make me determined to go-not with your mum and niece though, sounds far too stressful!

[PurpleCrazyHorse]

Personally, I wouldn't go with DM and niece. But I would try and go with your children, could you invite a friend for company for you?

I'd maybe go less educational and potter about on the beach, or whatever is easiest for your autistic child. I'd get a supermarket delivery to the accommodation (so you can plan food in advance and hopefully avoid extra supermarket trips). Get treat snacks for picnic lunches (to tick the treat box) and maybe plan to eat fish & chips one night to avoid cooking every day (our DD, 6yo, also views this as a treat!) When we go to PIL's caravan, I take our slow cooker. It's easy to put on in the morning (while the kids are still asleep or happy watching TV), and dinner is ready when we get home. We also bake at the caravan or BBQ, we don't go out every day, sometimes it's nice just to relax somewhere else, play games, spend time together.

I'd work out what's putting you off it, is it the drive, the trips, the cooking? And then try to mitigate that particular thing. I'd also worry less about it being educational with lots of trips if that's not your thing. Pick the best thing and just do that.

Your DH is an arse though, I'd be furious if DH booked to go away.

[PurpleCrazyHorse]

YANBU to cancel though, maybe do some trips from home instead?

Just tell your mum you want some mum and DD time alone.

[flirtygirl]

Thanks all great advice here. Cant pinpoint exactly but its like i almost imagine it will be awful and i should cut my losses now.
The drive and self catering do put me off but no more than our other trips. The supermarket delivery idea is good.

Its not the dds only trip this year but its the one im looking least forward to as it the one i thought i should be doing and was cheap. It educational as booked through a home education network and other home ed families will be on the booked day trips. (Prob outed myself as some identifiable info)

Now just need to work up courage to tell my mum that they cant come as scared to hurt her feelings but it would add to my stress if she came.

Yep my husband is an arse but this is the least of his twattish behavour. Far easier not to have him come but its the way he went about it.

[tinyterrors]

If it's part of a home ed trip then that's your get out clause with your mum. Tell her it's only for those who are part of the home ed group and 'extra' people aren't allowed.

I'd try to go even though I'd be dreading it in your shoes. It'll be great for your dds to go away and you won't be sat at home (rightly) fuming at your 'd'h.

[whois]

Don't go with your mum, just tell her you're going to have some bonding time with your girls and don't fancy changing the dynamic.

Do go, the drive is nothing - do an hour and a half then stop for a break. Then 1 more hour.

Your DH sounds terrible :-(