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AIBU To Think We Wouldn't Cope?

(257 Posts)
picklypopcorn Wed 11-May-16 09:05:06

DP and I really want to start a family. We have been together for 8 years, bought a house 2 years ago and financially we're ok, not a lot in savings (<1k) but no debt at all other than the mortgage. If we didn't contribute to savings, we have about £400 a month left out of our wages. If DP wasn't working we would have about £200 left. We don't currently qualify for any benefits.

We keep having the baby conversation but I don't think we could cope financially with a baby. I get full pay on mat leave for 6 months and DP would then become a SAHD until the kid was school age, so childcare wouldn't be an expense we had to worry about for a while... We currently cover all bills on my wage, DP just pays for food and I could probably cover that too at the moment, but how expensive is a baby?? I have no friends with kids so I have no one to ask! blush

I still think though it's not sensible, but we are horribly broody. My implant comes out in August and DP thinks I should just come off BC and "see what happens"...

Talk me down!

Firstmum24 Wed 11-May-16 09:09:27

The main expense is before the baby even arrives and when they are here they are actually pretty cheap, well... There are cheaper options etc. if your partner can be a sahd then you are not having to pay for childcare which is the biggest expense.
Do you really want a baby? I think if you are placing a bit too much emphasis on your financial situation. I agree it is good to be stable and have a good financial situation but babies are born every day to parents with debt/low income and they are just as loved and precious as those born to families with all the money.

Feelingsolow12345 Wed 11-May-16 09:10:05

I have a 16 week old. he was a little miracle. anyway we couldn't really afford to have a baby but it's something you adapt to. unfortunately for us to support ourselves with no worries I will have to go back to work full time or find a part time job that pays through the roof haha.

there are people worse off than me out there and if they can survive I knew I could. just have a good think before anything.

dowhatnow Wed 11-May-16 09:10:47

Depends on your ages. Are things likely to improve in the future?

Babies themselves aren't expensive. It's as they get older tthey cost more.

Just5minswithDacre Wed 11-May-16 09:11:10

Your DP's earnings sound weirdly low. Is he PT?

Firstmum24 Wed 11-May-16 09:11:30

Also - that's awesome you get 6mo full pay for maternity!!! I am v jealous, I got 6 weeks at 90% then smp for the rest. We still managed and our DD has never gone without. HTH

Lovewineandchocs Wed 11-May-16 09:12:10

It's obvious you really want to have a baby as your post is justifying all the reasons it might be ok financially 😀 personally I didn't find the actual baby stage expensive-nappies were the only cost really, other than initial outlay on Moses basket/cot, blankets etc-if you have a lot of people wanting to buy you presents it's great! 😀 but I breastfed so I appreciate formula, bottles etc would add expenses. Will you get child benefit? That more than covered nappies and clothes for me. You'll have no childcare expenses until the baby is school age-would it be easy for your DH then to go back to work? Could you cover the cost of uniforms etc? Will you have much family support? These are all considerations, however given what you've said I believe you really want a baby and it sounds perfectly doable. Good luck! 😀

thecatsarecrazy Wed 11-May-16 09:13:10

I think a lot of people say they can't afford children but its not that bad really. smile I'm glad I had them when I did.

Just5minswithDacre Wed 11-May-16 09:15:10

If you're over 30, I'd certainly go for it. You sound good at budgeting and your OH could always get a weekend or evening job if things were tight. You can save more while TTCing and during pregnancy.

If you're a bit younger, why not live on your wage for another year and save his earnings for a buffer and baby expenses?

picklypopcorn Wed 11-May-16 09:15:50

Yes, I want a baby so bad it's painful so does DP but alas, I'm chronically sensible sad I want to be able to provide and never want to regret the decision to have kids if that makes any sense?

navylily Wed 11-May-16 09:17:04

Many many years ago my mother was having similar worries, and her GP apparently told her "if people didn't have babies until they could afford it, noone would ever have any"

I'm kind of glad she listened to him grin

Asides from childcare/loss of earnings babies cost very little. £10 a week in nappies maybe and maybe £20 in milk if you bottle feed. Cloths can cost a bit, or virtually nothing if you use hand downs and charity shops. And one off costs of a few hundred for pram, cot, etc. Though many people get these as presents from family

You'd get child benefit unless one of your earns £60k+ - about £16 a week

Twitterqueen Wed 11-May-16 09:19:48

If we all approached parenthood from a financial perspective humans would very quickly disappear from the face of the earth. It's just not not the right way to think about having a child. You either want a baby or you don't. It's as simple as that.

picklypopcorn Wed 11-May-16 09:19:59

Hey guys, thanks for all the responses! I'm 25, DP is 27 and yes his wages are very low, he works in a restaurant PT. He could easily go back to that after being a STHD IYSWIM.

I think because we've been together such a long time we feel "older" than we are, we are extremely well matched and very settled but it's such a massive decision

picklypopcorn Wed 11-May-16 09:21:12

haha we definately don't earn £60k+! Combined we earn probably £26k??

navylily Wed 11-May-16 09:23:27

Have you checked out tax credits? If your income fell much further (eg because one of you is not working) you'd probably be eligible for a bit. At least during your maternity year, as they don't count maternity pay as income (or at least they didn't use to)

fedupofpeppa Wed 11-May-16 09:24:03

They are not too expensive when little. I have found people have been really generous with hand me down clothes, gifts and toys so we didn't buy much other than kitting out the nursery but we could have done that cheaper. The pram/buggy is also a bit pricey but you have at least 10 months to save up for the initial expenses and places like mothercare let you pay in instalments

If you breastfeed it is cheaper but we only spent around ten pounds a week on formula for ds1. Nappies cost a but but you could go for reusable ones to cut costs.

After that childcare really is the biggest cost. Plus as parents we go out less and found we saved money each month without meaning to. Also clothes but the supermarkets do good value stuff and like I sad before lots of people are very kind at offering you the clothes their kids have grown put of but are still in good condition.

I think your budget would stretch to have kids but you might not have loads of spare cash for luxuries so depends what your priorities are . Would you qualify for child benefit too? Think the rule is that neither of you earn over £50k.

picklypopcorn Wed 11-May-16 09:24:34

My wage is likely to increase in the future, hopefully soon!

We have good family support, both sets of parents are local and we love them all to bits smile MIL is obsessed with the idea of being a nan and all parents will be retired in 8 months time....

Oh god I'm talking myself into this again...

Lookingagain Wed 11-May-16 09:27:49

Don't have a baby if you are not sure.

Why does your partner only earn £200/month.

This may sound blunt, but do you want to have a baby with someone who cannot contribute financially?

Babies are lovely, but also stressful.

fedupofpeppa Wed 11-May-16 09:28:45

Also just saw your dh works part time in a restaurant. Are you 9-5? It might be possible for your dh to still do a few shifts in evenings or weekends or around your hours if money got tight or to cover extras.

picklypopcorn Wed 11-May-16 09:32:55

Haha yes perfectly happy to have a baby with someone who doesn't contribute financially because he contributes in so many other ways. Currently he does all the washing, cleaning, ironing, cooking EVERYTHING at home because he's PT. I literally do nothing. I work 8 til 4:30 and have an hour drive each way, so I'm out from 7am until 5:30/ 6ish. He earns about £600 a month currently but pays for all the food, so only £200 of that goes into saving/ spending money. Without that £600, I'd be paying for food as well as everything else and my wage would probably only just cover it.

PurpleRibbons Wed 11-May-16 09:33:24

I wish more than anything I'd started my family sooner, when I was younger. I'm nearly 37 and trying for #2 but it's not happening yet plus babies/toddlers are exhausting and you need your energy! I would say don't worry about money, you will manage. Child benefit is £82 a month per child and that will cover nappies etc easily.
You will save money as you will find you go out less, drink less alcohol etc and even if you go to baby groups most are only a couple of quid.
You can get a lot of baby stuff second hand, babies grow out of things very quickly so even second hand clothes are often barely worn. Biggest outlay is probably a car seat. A lot of "essentials" are not needed really e.g. baby bath, posh changing table, fancy changing bag - you can make do with other things.

RavioliOnToast Wed 11-May-16 09:38:13

I think that if it's something you both really want, go for it.

shamelessmailhack Wed 11-May-16 09:38:57

"if people didn't have babies until they could afford it, noone would ever have any"

Yes, this indeed. My DS was a complete surprise. I was a student and DH was in an unstable job. However, we made it work. We spent barely any money before the baby arrived as people were so lovely with the second hand stuff, and we got loads from a nearly new baby store in our town. I couldn't breastfeed, so we did have to splash out for new bottles etc.

The main expense and hassle has been childcare. We'd be pretty well off if it wasn't for nursery! But luckily you don't need to worry about that. Overall, we've never spent a huge amount on DS. He's pretty low maintenance.

is there opportunity for him to do any evening work a couple of times a week to bring in a bit extra if you are worried? or weekends?

Owllady Wed 11-May-16 09:43:14

If he works in a restaurant I'm sure he'll be able to carry on working anyway, of an evening/weekends. Restaurant/bar work is what lots of people do as a flexible job choice around childcaresmile

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