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To think that culture isn't an excuse?

(10 Posts)
WalkingBlind Tue 10-May-16 22:35:21

.... When you are a medical professional.

I had a psychologist upset me. I had lost a very much wanted baby during pregnancy and was crushed sad I fell pregnant again months later and had to have a review (it's standard with MH issues and pregnancy). I was still in the very early stages in which the risk of loss was high. He asked how I was feeling and I said "petrified of losing them, I can't sleep or eat, I have panic attacks daily" and his reply was...

"Well at least this one is alive. You will be happy now surely?“

AIBU and overreacting that it's totally inappropriate to say that?! confused I was devastated. I contacted a member of the department and was told that in his culture they don't believe miscarriages are valid/important and he wouldn't have known that saying that was upsetting.

Is that acceptable in your eyes? I refuse to see him anymore now. He's aways very cheery no matter how depressed you are and sometimes they need to tone it down in my opinion so you feel comfortable confiding.

confusionis Tue 10-May-16 22:40:51

I'm not sure what outcome you want. Youve complained, and they have explained to you the context it was said in. Obviously its upset you. I am sure he will have to justify his reaction to your complaint and show that he has understood the different cultural contexts his patients are from. Do you want a public hanging?
Dont see him again as he is not the right person for you.
Best of luck with the pregnancy.

Ameliablue Tue 10-May-16 22:43:12

If he couldn't understand that would be upsetting, he is in the wrong profession.

ollieplimsoles Tue 10-May-16 22:46:38


SpuriouserAndSpuriouser Tue 10-May-16 22:46:59

shock That is awful! What he said is absolutely not ok, even if he is from a culture where miscarriages are not important (what culture even is that anyway?!) To completely dismiss your feelings like that shows a deep lack of empathy. I am glad you complained, it is a shame that they didn't take it seriously. I don't know what to suggest as a next step, other than seeing a different psychologist next time.

TheLavenderLeotard Tue 10-May-16 22:52:29

"he is in the wrong profession"
my thoughts, too!
you're definitely justified in complaining
best of luck, OP
(really hoping that confusionis isn't in a profession that requires tact)

claraschu Tue 10-May-16 22:53:33

Sounds like a terrible psychologist. I am sorry you had to go through that- not what anyone needs.

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe Tue 10-May-16 22:56:35

Why should his cultural beliefs justify him being an insensitive bastard.

Surely as a medical professional you leave your cultural beliefs at home.

quencher Tue 10-May-16 22:59:27

Op, am on your side. Fgs he is a psychologist and he should know better. What is the point of getting help from him if he is going to make things worse?

Make sure you have someone else. The response you were given by a member of the department is not good enough. Culture or no culture. Empathy cost nothing. I agree, he is in the wrong job.

What he practically said is that the child you have now is a replacement for the previous miscarriage and you should be happy about it now. What ? Let alone culture, he has placed no value on life you are trying to make. To him it's more about what you want rather than the life itself and how every each one of them affects you differently.

CreepingDogFart Tue 10-May-16 23:01:14

Completely inappropriate and thoughtless and culture is sod all relevant. flowers

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