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AIBU to think DD's doctor shouldn't have told her that she needs to lose weight?

(60 Posts)
Shorter12 Tue 10-May-16 21:26:50

DD is 10; she is currently fighting AML - she is responding really well to treatment smile

She has to get many blood tests/have lots of chemo, but as an out-patient (currently)...

She has to have her height and weight checked, amongst other things, before she gets it - she has just made it into the 'overweight' section. Maybe due to lack of exercise and me getting her anything she wants - I admit, it's all my fault, but when your child has cancer and you don't know their life outcome, you do absolutely anything you can to keep a smile on their face. She enjoys ice-cream, lots of it! It helps her dry and blistered mouth (so has 3 scoops through chemo) and then she picks a restaurant of her choice; she also cannot do much exercise. I get it, it's awful of me, but she's bloody happy and never goes without smiling and right now, that's all that matters.

She doesn't look overweight... She has only just touched it though, so isn't exactly noticeable.

Anyway, her doctor just decides to go "so, (DD's name) you seem to have put on weight" and taps her tummy, like WTF hmm

She looks at me; she didn't laugh along either. He then says how she needs to come back down in weight, etc. etc.

So, I've now had a crying 10 year old, telling me how she is no longer pretty - I've spend so long trying to get her to believe she is beautiful without hair (which I think I have finally achieved) and now this! Nothing like knocking a little girl's, who is going through so much, confidence.

AIBU to think she should have just mentioned it to me, if he was going to mention it?

Fuming angry

ImNotThatGirl Tue 10-May-16 21:29:45

What a complete and utter twat. I'd be furious and I rarely say this but do complain. Poor DD and poor you. Please don't blame yourself. flowers

monniemae Tue 10-May-16 21:30:10

I was ready to think yabu till I read the context. No, ffs no, yanbu. Your poor daughter. Wishing you all the best for treatment x

fusionconfusion Tue 10-May-16 21:30:49

That is patently ridiculous.

fusionconfusion Tue 10-May-16 21:32:01

Oops posted accidentally. Your poor dd. Idiot man. I really wish they could teach compassion to these people. Best wishes for her treatment. I could almost feel the soothing touch of the cool icecream when she is suffering through chemo. I think at this point for her that is really a priority.

BuunyChops Tue 10-May-16 21:33:17

I normally tried to be balanced on threads re:NHS and ones on weight and those that combine both.

In this case please send me their details and I will punch them in the genitals…

I mean seriously WT SERIOUS FUCK.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Tue 10-May-16 21:35:26

The fucking arse hole. Some of these Doctors. Yes they may be Educated, but their filter and common sense is sadly lacking.
Wishing you and your DD all the best.

Shorter12 Tue 10-May-16 21:43:28

I'm so glad it isn't just me! Thank you all for the good lucks flowers

wavingnow Tue 10-May-16 21:46:03

Am totally shocked! Speechless.

Flisspaps Tue 10-May-16 21:48:56

Hooray for your fab daughter.

What the fucking fuckety fuck about what the Dr said?! What a total dickhead. Utter cunt.

echelon Tue 10-May-16 21:53:28

Please complain about this ill-mannered man.

mineofuselessinformation Tue 10-May-16 21:56:15

A suitable response would be to send a carefully worded letter along the lines of:
Dear Dr X,
Thank you for seeing dd in clinic recently. You pointed out to dd that she was overweight.
As you know, dd has found it difficult to exercise much recently, and I must admit I do allow her treats following on from hospital appointments and treatment as this makes it less stressful for her.
Since this is the case, and as dd was terribly upset when you pointed this out to her, I would appreciate it if you would discuss any concerns regarding her weigh with me privately in future,
Dd's mum
I'm sure someone will come along and add or change, but you get the idea.

Backingvocals Tue 10-May-16 21:59:48

What a fuckwit. Even without the cancer treatment that would be an idiotic way to approach a pre-adolescent girl. I'm fuming for you. Actually really, really fuming.

flowers for you and your beautiful DD

araiba Tue 10-May-16 22:00:24

does weight affect chemo treatment in any way?

dollylucy Tue 10-May-16 22:02:29

That's awful
So sorry your daughter had to listen to that
I think you should definitely complain

Shorter12 Tue 10-May-16 22:03:59

araiba - it doesn't effect chemo, no? I definitely don't think...?

Thank you all smile

weebarra Tue 10-May-16 22:05:12

Oh ffs. I put on lots of weight during my own cancer treatment, partly due to meds (does she have to have steroids?) and also because I wanted to eat what I wanted as I felt so bad.
Your wee girl is doing really well to get through her treatment, her weight really doesn't matter. I would complain, seriously.

weebarra Tue 10-May-16 22:06:34

Araiba - I was weighed before each chemo so they knew the amount of drugs to give me. Other than that, no it doesn't.

DianaTrent Tue 10-May-16 22:15:58

flowers Shorter. My DD put on a good bit of weight during treatment for ALL for the same reasons. Crippling pain, crushing tiredness, steroids inflating them like little balloons and chemo stripping their mouths and changing their tastes... Most kids seem to unless they're one of the poor souls who are just sick too much to hold food down. These doctors should try walking a metre in these children's shoes before being so quick to criticise. We were told that becoming obese did slightly raise relapse risk which is why they don't like them to put on too much, but seriously, just creeping into the overweight category is nothing and I'm sure when her health allows she'll shift that in no time. If you feel up to it, I'd have a word about showing some sensitivity to children who already have big insecurities with their appearance, that was uncalled for.

EweAreHere Tue 10-May-16 22:16:48

Your poor girl. xx

The doctor is a twit and has shown a remarkable lack of common sense and empathy under the circumstances. As others have suggested, please write a letter telling him that his comments were inappropriate as there are life and death issues at play, and that any concerns about her weight should only be discussed with you in future. Once her health is secure, lifestyle issues can be addressed.

I hope she's ok.

Orchidflower1 Tue 10-May-16 22:17:12

YRNBU - the doc should not have said that in front of ANY young girl let alone one who is coping with all the other things she is being so brave about. Do you have a patient liaison service at the hodpital/ clinic that you could contact. Wishing you and your family strength and health. 🌷

Ninjagogo Tue 10-May-16 22:19:23

flowers for you and DD. I cannot find the paper, but I was definitely taught at uni that weight can impact chemo, in a positive way: carrying extra fat can protect against some of the harmful effects. Will search again....

ollieplimsoles Tue 10-May-16 22:20:16

Unbelievable op!

You know he was just an insensitive twat and needs to work on his bedside manner.

Keep making your DD happy in whatever way you can, anything to get her through the nightmare that chemo can be.

Stay strong all of you <3

WreckingBallsInsideMyHead Tue 10-May-16 22:20:40

Height and weight measured yes so they can calculate meds

Negatively commenting on it to the child NEVER but especially not when she's already gone through so much!

Yanbu at all for coping however you and dd can!

Hope she recovers well and doesn't let one arsehole knock her confidence too much cake

BitOutOfPractice Tue 10-May-16 22:27:51

Bloody hell what an idiot that doctor is. Fucking idiot in fact

It sounds like you are doing ALL the right things to help your DD get through the treatment successfully. I wish her all the very best.

Tell her to answer back next time "yeah I can lose the weight when I'm better. You'll still be an insensitive prat" wink

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