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People wanting to hold my baby

(106 Posts)
Bubble00 Tue 10-May-16 20:57:29

So last week we (OH me and bub) were on the train and my curious 8mo fixated on a lady - all smiles as they do- I smiled at the lady and she held her hands out to hold my baby.

I politely said no she is a real mummys girl and would cry, but this woman spoke to my baby saying ' I think its your mother that won't let anyone hold YOU' and kept encouraging my lo by holding her hands out.

I got a bit impatient and took baby for a walk up and down the train and the woman carried on talking with my OH. She's a carer looked after a baby for 3 yrs so on.
I returned and she still held her hand out - so I said- look I don't want my baby trusting people we don't know and still she carried on!!! It just Really got my heckles up.. WIBU?? We ended up spending an hour on the train and I just cannot believe the fucking nerve.

How do you say NO YOU ARE NOT HOLDING MY BABY.

bubblegurl252 Tue 10-May-16 21:02:02

I'd just say no

Jelliebabe1 Tue 10-May-16 21:05:56

I was Christmas shopping with my twins, then 2ish months old and a lady asked if she could hold one!!!! I just went "no" (quite witheringly!)

blublutoo Tue 10-May-16 21:11:21

That is odd really but I guess just be firm and say no. Fair enough talking or something if the baby is staring, but not putting hands out to hold! I'm sure she meant no harm though.
I don't think it will do anything about your stranger point though?! some babies will go to anyone and others are very clingy. I have many babies in the family who I don't see often at all, but when I do their parents let me hold them. I am a stranger to the baby but not to the parents.

JuxtapositionRecords Tue 10-May-16 21:15:07

Awkward, but I think you should have just been blunt and said 'no, sorry'. Easier said than done though. I have never had any stranger ask to hold my baby but I would find it weird too.

Winterbiscuit Tue 10-May-16 21:20:05

Agree with just saying no. You don't need to give an explanation. If people are shirty because you say no, that's their problem.

janethegirl2 Tue 10-May-16 21:21:59

Just say 'No' and mean it.

Lelania Wed 11-May-16 01:15:48

I wish more people were like you. I find that people take offence if you don't want to hold their baby.

AnotherTimeMaybe Wed 11-May-16 02:13:38

You don't need to get too upset about it although I see why her persistence irritated you
I'd say nope he's been throwing up like crazy all morning!

novemberchild Wed 11-May-16 02:18:41

I certainly wouldn't let a stranger hold my baby. Nor would I ask to hold a stranger's, and I did go through a terrible time just after my mc last year when I was weirdly desperate to hold someone's baby. I didn't ask, though, because it is strange...

treaclesoda Wed 11-May-16 02:21:12

I opened the thread thinking you were going to say that your sister or mum or MIL wanted to hold your baby and I was going to suggest, gently, that you were being a bit precious.

But a complete stranger? No way, I can see why that irritated you, not a chance I would have let a complete stranger hold my baby. She sounds very strange.

It's a situation where you don't need to justify yourself, just keep saying no.

FutureGadgetsLab Wed 11-May-16 06:54:18

Just say no, although I think this Daily Mail pedo round the corner nonsense is stupid. I let anyone hold DS, he loves people and it makes people smile. At playgroup, a toddler was crying and seemingly alone, I held out my hand and said "let's go find your mum" and she recoiled and ran away and hid behind her mums legs. Child abductions haven't increased since the 70s, but neurotic parenting sure has.

NeedACleverNN Wed 11-May-16 07:37:55

Well I let a complete stranger hold my newborn

It was a little old lady and she then told me she had no family left and she never got to have children. She nearly cried when I let her hold my week old newborn son

However people should understand no means no. If I had said no and she continued to pester me I would have been irritated

lovelyandnormal Wed 11-May-16 07:42:19

That's quite normal for toddlers isn't it Future?

My friends little boy hides behind his mum whenever he sees me! He's a gorgeous little boy really, but I thought they are just wary of people they don't really know at that age.

SexLubeAndAFishSlice Wed 11-May-16 07:47:15

It never fails to amaze me, the amount of people who think babies are public property. I was standing in the school playground with my friend the other day, friend has a 9 week old baby, the headteacher came over just as my friend was starting to put the baby back in her pram, HT just swooped in and picked the baby up out of her mothers hands shock

Cupoftchaiagain Wed 11-May-16 07:47:45

She sounds absolutely lovely, I would have bitten her hand off at the offer! Bit of socialization and entertainment for your wee one and a more relaxingtrain journey for all of u. It's a shame people feel this is strange.

SexLubeAndAFishSlice Wed 11-May-16 07:53:59

The lost toddler scenario, I was at a fun day at the local riding stables a few weeks ago, I was stood watching my DD on the bouncy castle when I felt this tiny hand in mine, I looked down and a toddler had taken my hand, she can't have been older than 2. I suggested we go look for mummy but she shook her head and grabbed my hand even tighter, then she climbed onto the bouncy castle using my hand to help her and stood at the edge, bouncing, still holding my hands (she grabbed the other one too, to help her bounce!). I did suggest we go look for mummy a few times but she wasn't interested. A few minutes of bouncing and her mum appeared, apologised for her DD borrowing me and said that she had sent her to bounce while she queued for a drink. She could see us the whole time which is why she sent her off.

SexLubeAndAFishSlice Wed 11-May-16 07:55:02

So some toddlers are clearly happy to cling on to strangers grin

lovelyandnormal Wed 11-May-16 07:57:05

'Absolutely lovely' people accept a cheery no, she will cry, as a no.

They don't continue to demand to hold a baby.

fieldfare Wed 11-May-16 07:58:16

Last flight I took I ended up holding the woman across the aisle's 4 month old. She had been cooing and smiling at me (and I love babies), so I held her while Mum went to the loo and ate her meal. Dh thought I was slightly unhinged but the woman was relieved to have a hand.

I've had multiple miscarriages and am often to be caught looking wistfully at other people's babies. Luckily my sil is happy to indulge me in cuddling and sniffing her youngest Dd.

FutureGadgetsLab Wed 11-May-16 07:58:20

Lovely it could have been, some toddlers are shy, but I got the impression this child was frightened of me for some reason, like they'd had it drummed into them not to talk to strangers.

Cup I know. It's a shame people's niceness is construed as being weird.

FutureGadgetsLab Wed 11-May-16 08:00:06

In a coffee shop I couldn't get my pram up to the till, so I asked some old ladies if they'd mind watching DS for me while I bought some food. They absolutely loved it, and were very helpful.

Stranger fear is so weird.

JuxtapositionRecords Wed 11-May-16 08:00:18

Nothing to do with pedophiles or abduction future, I just wouldn't want a random stranger holding my baby, and if a mother says no it's a bit much to keep pushing it. I don't think that is neurotic personally.

HowardsEnd Wed 11-May-16 08:03:09

I think your reaction is really really weird. If you have to be angry with anyone, and I don't see that you do, get angry with your baby - she was the one that started it by 'fixating' on the lady!
But honestly, can't you just take love and pleasure and fun where it's given?

lovelyandnormal Wed 11-May-16 08:05:01

Op has said her baby would cry.

I really do think not wanting a crying baby disturbing everybody when she was previously happy and settled is a good enough reason.

Not trusting strangers with the most important thing in your life isn't 'sad' either.

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