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AIBU expecting him to have second thoughts about a lads trip he is going on 4 weeks before my due date?

(15 Posts)
Doingitover Tue 10-May-16 13:36:43

My OH quite often goes on 'boys' holidays to Portugal. I have no problem with this and always enjoys the gifts he brings back smile
However the next trip is booked for 4 nights in Portugal 4 weeks before I go in for a planned c section (due to complications with first).
I hadn't thought too much about this, however a girl I worked with has just delivered 6 weeks early. So now I'm a little nervous. We live quite a distance away from family so their isn't really anyone I could ask to stay with me.
So it would just be me and my 10year old. If I do go into labour, the hospital is 40mins away. My first husband only lives 5mins away and I'm starting to worry that he will be the only one around!
I need advice, am I worrying over nothing? Should I expect him to cancel his holiday? Should I let his mum come and stay (she is willing, my mum is too old to drive).
I don't want to be a drama queen, but I'm in a right tizz hmmand I'm v hormonal!

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Tue 10-May-16 14:11:22

Ask his mum to be on 'standby'?

No need for him to cancel

Uptownfuckuup Tue 10-May-16 14:15:11

you are being a drama queen

he doesn't have to cancel, not everyone has babies 6 weeks early and if you are planning a section that will be a week before your due any way so he's going 5 weeks before your due date

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Tue 10-May-16 14:16:21

I wouldn't ask my DP to cancel,no, as I've given birth on my own once before and it wouldn't bother me to do it again (I'd actually like it, it was bliss!) but then I am incredibly laid back anyway so I might not be the best judge of what's ok and what's not.

As you DD is 10, I'd say if you went into labour she's mature enough to be able to go with her dad or another family member and you go off to hospital by taxi. Just make sure your bags are packed and you have plenty of cash somewhere handy smile

BertieBotts Tue 10-May-16 14:19:19

Talk to him? It would be unreasonable to expect him to read your mind.

Whether or not somebody else would be okay with the situation is irrelevant. It's up to you and your DH to talk about it and work out what you think is best.

RatherBeRiding Tue 10-May-16 14:28:46

As you DD is 10, I'd say if you went into labour she's mature enough to be able to go with her dad or another family member and you go off to hospital by taxi. Just make sure your bags are packed and you have plenty of cash somewhere handy

Excellent advice. I really think it is unlikely you will give birth in the very 4 days he is away, especially as you are still 5 weeks or so off your due date. And even if you did - see the above para.

MIL has offered to come and stay - take her up on her offer if you get on OK with her. Absolutely no need to cancel - you are really over-thinking this!

Doingitover Tue 10-May-16 14:46:06

Thanks everyone. He actually goes 3 weeks before my c-section (which is a week before my due date).
Up to this point I have been fine with him going as it all seemed so far away. However his family were here visiting at the weekend and witnessed the news of my friends arrival. I jokingly said "touch wood". We then got talking about practicalities.
My c-section is due to previous complication. Including a shortened cervix. So I guess early delivery is a possibility. (Hospital have told me I'll have c-section even if I go into labour, so delivery will be quick) Without going into too much detail. My last child (10 years ago) was delivered by emergency c-section under GA as everything went horribly wrong.
The thought of him not being there makes me feel sick. I've had a really good pregnancy up to now. And I'm getting unreasonably worried that the drama is going to come at the end.
But I know my hormonal hysteria shouldn't dictate his holiday plans.
My ex has been great. He has said he would take me in and stay with me (he was obviously there to witness events first time round).
My new MIL is a 3 hour drive away. So she either stays (and I disrupt her weekend) or she doesn't. Standby isn't really an option.

FutureGadgetsLab Tue 10-May-16 14:52:27

I wouldn't be okay with it at all. It's not only if you go into labour, what about just being there for you? It's incredibly selfish.

GretchenBeckett Tue 10-May-16 14:53:06


AdjustableWench Tue 10-May-16 14:56:19

It's quite unusual for a baby to be born more than three weeks early although, as you know, it does happen. But statistically you're very unlikely to go into labour during your OH's trip. By all means have a plan of what you'll do if you need to go into hospital, but try not to worry about it too much.

BreakingDad77 Tue 10-May-16 14:58:45

YABU if he booked it after knowing the csection date, i would have thought he would have wanted to be around?

BreakingDad77 Tue 10-May-16 14:59:01

YANBU i mean

AdjustableWench Tue 10-May-16 15:34:11

Hmm... I had second thoughts about what I wrote before... Even though there's only a very small chance of going into labour before 37 weeks, the important thing is that you feel supported, especially because of what happened last time.

It's not hormonal hysteria, it's a normal need for support when you're facing a difficult situation. There will be other opportunities for him to go on holiday with his mates, but right now you want him to stay at home and that should be reason enough.

Doingitover Tue 10-May-16 16:46:21

Thanks everyone, defo some mixed thoughts on this. I think I'm going to wait until I say anything too him. I still have a couple of hospital appointments left (I'm 30 weeks) so I guess the situation could still change. I'm pretty sure that if my cervix shortens they may change the c-section date. If the date did end up clashes he would defo cancel the holiday.
TBF to him. He goes away about 4 times a year with the boys. They organise the dates well in advance and he always runs the info past me.
I think we were both guilty of just thinking it's ages away things will be fine smile. I'm the one changing the goal posts and I know that isn't fair on him. He hasn't done anything wrong.
If I ask him to cancel he prob will. I just don't want to be unreasonable.

shiveringhiccup Tue 10-May-16 16:50:44

I don't think yabu, nor do I think it's hormonal hysteria. Regardless of the likelihood of going into labour early (and the shortened cervix is something to factor in), it's important that he's there to support you. Your emotional wellbeing is really important and if you'll feel worried or isolated then that's not good. Also to be there for your DC.

This isn't about being unfair - I think it's pretty common to be a tad optimistic about what's feasible and then change your mind! Talk to him and see what he thinks. Hope you get it sorted smile

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