Was DS's Art Teacher unfair? How do I approach this?

[AngieU]

DS is 12, in Secondary School, Year 8.

My Ex Husband, his dad, passed away at Christmas time. DS didn't go back to school until after the half term, so missed a term.

His teachers were aware of this.

DS was making clay models in Art. He finished his early and started making a pot for his Dad (it had his name on it and was going to be for memories).

Teacher came over and said "(son's name) we are not in Primary School!" Took the half made pot and put it back into the clay bag.

Was this really insensitive? DS is still very sad by the situation.

[Billyray23]

Yes very insensitive. I lost my dad at 12 too, I feel for your ds

[Moonlightceleste]

Did the teacher know before she took it away that it was for his Dad? Had they been told something along the lines of no extra clay after finishing? That affects how I feel about this I think. If the teacher didn't know he was making it for his dad and saw it as him wasting clay, I can kind of see where they're coming from. If he said, I would have cut him some slack.

I'm so sorry about your son's dad

[Iguessyourestuckwithme]

Did he have permission to use school resources for this? What shpuld he have been doing when he finished his work?

[AngieU]

The reason it was for his dad is why she said that he isn't in primary school (in his eyes).

They weren't told what to do after as no one else had finished.

[YabuDabbaDoo]

Your poor DS. He must be so upset.

It would take a stone-hearted teacher to do that if they were fully aware of who it was for. Was your son given a chance to explain?

[arethereanyleftatall]

I can see where the teacher was coming from tbh. You can't just do what you like in lessons.
I am sorry about your ds dad.

[YabuDabbaDoo]

Oh hang on, you mean the teacher inferred that his Dad would not have appreciated it?

[Primaryteach87]

Utterly appalling. I can only hope the art teacher didn't know. But frankly she should know so not really an excuse. If I had done this I would have realised my error and unreservedly apologised and said what a daft thing I'd done and how much it must have hurt his feelings.

So can't really think of any excuse for her to be honest. I'm a teacher so not prone to teacher bashing but so So SO bad.

Art is just the sort of time when people want to explore and think- hence art therapy.

Complain loudly!!

[YabuDabbaDoo]

Sorry, I've misunderstood I think. Your son told the teacher it was for his Dad, and at that point she said "we're not in primary school?"

[AngieU]

Yabu - yes

[YabuDabbaDoo]

Thanks. That comment was unnecessary, then.

When I lost DF I did very much welcome the point at which people stopped treating me with kid gloves, though. It helped me to start seeing that there was a life out there beyond bereavement.

[ollieplimsoles]

Let me get this straight... Your ds is 12 years old, still a child, he loses his dad, he finishes his assigned lesson work then goes on to do something related to the lesson and off his own back and in memory of his deceased parent. That teacher should have asked him about it, spoken to him about how he could use a creative outlet and said 'let me know if I can help you with that'.

But no.

Instead, teacher just takes it off him, makes a stupid remark, and fucks off.

I despair I really do.

Fuck 'school resources' this is a bereaved kid we are talking about, cut him some slack and offer support/encouragement.
Your poor, poor ds op.

[Moonlightceleste]

I think it could have been handled better given your DSs circumstances. However, of every child helped themselves to extra art resources when they felt like it the school would run out very quickly, and probably doesn't have a huge budget for art. I wonder if that was what the teacher meant. I would send an email, but also have a word with DS about asking for permission to use extra resources first next time.

[ephemeralfairy]

Jesus. Maybe she didn't know his dad had died?? That's the only context in which this comment isn't hugely offensive. Although as PP commented she should bloody know about it! I lost my dad when I was a child, I am still very sensitive about it now.
Complain.

[ExtraHotLatteToGo]

OP 💐

What a bitch. 'We're not in primary school' what a nasty thing to say to any child, let alone a bereaved one.

IF this had been about resources she would have said so.

I'd be takng this to the head, that kind of nastiness isn't on.

Your poor DS, I was almost 30 years older than your DS when my Dad died and 6 years later I still 'do' things for him. Anyone who thinks they can tell someone else how to grieve can just fuck right off.

[noblegiraffe]

Teacher presumably forgot that his dad died recently and was just fed up with people pissing about with the clay.

Email the teacher to remind him of the circumstances and explain that your DS was upset. Hopefully he'll respond in a suitably mortified manner, apologise to your DS and everyone can move on.

[katemiddletonsnudeheels]

I really hope the teacher didn't realise and will be so mortified and apologetic when she does; I'd hate to think anyone could treat a bereaved child with such contempt and hopefully it was a mistake.

[allowlsthinkalot]

I'm shocked by the response about school resources.

I would want her head on a plate, OP. Completely unacceptable and it needs to be pointed out to her exactly why. I would go to the Head.

[civilfawlty]

What allowlsthinkalot said. This is NOT about resources. This is about absolutely appalling behaviour, and I would be raising the mother of all shit storms about it.

[noblegiraffe]

Don't go to the head unless it's clear that the teacher did remember the bereavement. Talk to the teacher first. If they start banging on about school resources instead of apologising, then there is a complaint to be made.

[ParanoidGynodroid]

Hmm, this reminds me of all the times when, as a primary school teacher, a child would say to me "Oh I'm just doing a picture for my (living) Mummy/ Daddy" or similar. Happened a lot. And because it was generally a break time/ spare couple of minutes thing and we then had to get on with something else, I'd often tell them to put it away or finish it later.
I think it possible that this teacher momentarily forget about your DSs situation, and was just stopping him from doing something frivolous/ wasteful/ time consuming when there were other things to do.

If I'm wrong, then that teacher is at the very least insensitive. But I wouldn't take the "shit storm" or "head on a plate" approach until you establish exactly what happened.

[zeeka]

Oh that's sad.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I used to be a secondary school teacher and would have appreciated the opportunity to apologise if i had made such a huge mistake. I would write to the teacher concerned and explain how your son felt. If you don't get a suitable response, i would speak to the pastoral care dept/teacher so your son can get some resolution/apology for this.

[whois]

Teacher presumably forgot that his dad died recently and was just fed up with people pissing about with the clay.

Email the teacher to remind him of the circumstances and explain that your DS was upset. Hopefully he'll respond in a suitably mortified manner, apologise to your DS and everyone can move on.

This. Don't go in 'raging'. Don't go in being a total nightmare, remind the teacher his dad has recently passed and see if an apology is forthcoming before you go radio mental as others are suggesting.

[Yesvember]

I completely agree with ollieplimsoles , well put.

[nipersvest]

email the teacher and let them know your ds was upset, as others have said (agree with noblegiraffe's post, the 09.06am one) though, no need to go in guns blazing, but i think it will make you both feel better to have brought it up, the teacher owes you both an apology at the very least.

dh is a university lecturer within the arts, and i work in textile design, we spend a lot of time with our dc's talking about the benefits of art therapy, its a good way for kids to express themselves when they just don't have the words.