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Child protection concerns but not my place?

(42 Posts)
NotTooSureSal Mon 09-May-16 13:52:11

This is someone I don't know very well, but is my best friend's cousin. BF and her DM have a lot of concerns about cousins dc but won't do anything about it because it would 'cause upset within the family'. However, the more BF tells me, the more worried I get for these children and I don't know if/what to do.

Cousin (C), her dp and 2 dc live in absolute filth. Bf sent me photos of the house and it's far from the normal mess of a family home, it's truly disgusting. Clothes/boxes/any old crap piled precariously on every available surface, kitchen thick with dirt and dog hair, black walls with damp etc.

Dc's bedrooms are like something off a hoarders program, very dangerous with a toddler. They are very frequently ill. One particularly worrying thing was C saying she'd recently found her toddler caked in dried vomit in the morning, admitting she kept the doors closed at night so she wouldn't have heard them crying or throwing up.

I asked bf what happened when the midwife or hv had visited the baby, she said C will just clean the hall and living room and close all the other doors. Now I know none of this is my business but I feel so uneasy about these dc. Bf doesn't live nearby so can't offer practical help and won't consider reporting herself.

So wibu to call somebody?

Trumpette Mon 09-May-16 13:55:59

Please report to SSD.

thecitydoc Mon 09-May-16 13:56:47


woody2976 Mon 09-May-16 13:57:41

those poor children that is horrific. please report. you have to.

TeenAndTween Mon 09-May-16 13:58:01

Child protection concerns are everyone's place.

If you have concerns ring their local SS or the NSPCC.


cece Mon 09-May-16 13:58:20

Safe guarding is EVERYONE'S responsibility. Report.

Paddingtonthebear Mon 09-May-16 13:59:13

Yes I would report this. Very concerning.

Hawkmoth Mon 09-May-16 13:59:33

I think you already know the answer. CP is everyone's business. You don't want to be reading about them in the news.

KirstyJC Mon 09-May-16 13:59:43

Report. Child protection is everyone's place.

WellErrr Mon 09-May-16 14:01:14

This is EVERYONE'S concern.

Report. Those poor children.

SonjasSister Mon 09-May-16 14:01:39

Definitely report. With luck parents will get help and things will improve at home without more drastic action, but this should not be allowed to continue. And it might be easier for you to act than your bf, because you are at one remove, so you could argue it is therefore more your place than hers.

woody2976 Mon 09-May-16 14:01:50

the thought of them being sick all over themselves and left in it makes me want to cry. please report and let us know when you have done so. you can do.it anonymously but i would tell your best friend and mum amd tell them to do the same. those kids need someone to speak up for them. they cant do it themselves.

NotTooSureSal Mon 09-May-16 14:02:26

I honestly thought I'd be told to mmob. One problem I have is I don't know their address, with their full names and area suffice?

SonjasSister Mon 09-May-16 14:02:39

C might be depressed for example, it might be readily fixable. But ifnot, action is still needed.

mrsscholes Mon 09-May-16 14:03:05

I am hoping you have reported this by now. But remember, you are not really making a decision either way. You are concerned, and Social Services will visit or call and will talk with the family, and then THEY decide what the next step should be. This is the best thing you can do for those children.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Mon 09-May-16 14:17:16

Bf can take pictures of the house and slag her off and send pictures out but can't report her?

I would be strongly encouraging your bf to report, they will take it more seriously from from a first hand report than you saying you saw pictures sent by someone not concerned enough to do anything.

If she refuses then you do it, and seriously reevaluate the friendship. If she is gossiping and taking snide pictures of someone else's house but leaving children to live in squalor then she isn't isn't a nice person at all.

Onlyicanclean10 Mon 09-May-16 14:21:39

Totally agree Elsa

Princesspeach1980 Mon 09-May-16 14:24:37

Definitely report, if you feel uncomfortable going to social services directly, you can report online to nspcc, anonymously if you want to.

Full names and area should be enough, but anything extra you know eg which school/nursery they go to, or which doctors surgery, will help.

They might already be known to children's services, I which case your info helps to build up a picture.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Mon 09-May-16 14:24:59

Child protection is everyone's place.

NotTooSureSal Mon 09-May-16 14:28:09

I see your point Elsa, bf suffers with crippling anxiety and after her DM said leave it, it'll only cause trouble she just accepted that. I assure you, she's a very nice person. I'll call them later today, will see if I can find out more info that might help first.

CheekyGit Mon 09-May-16 14:31:32

Op without a doubt call someone yes, if all is well no worries but locking child in room when sick sad for gods sake call, poster right in that its not your call so t =o speak, alert authorities and they will decide.

CheekyGit Mon 09-May-16 14:31:51

I imagine quite a few people would be worried and no one will know where the concern was raised.

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn Mon 09-May-16 14:35:22

I was a child in a family that was reported by another family member. Thank goodness that family member thought the child's (me) welfare was far more important, I would have been left there else. People like your friend and her mum disgust me.

Report it. Say you are because no one else wants to.

gamerchick Mon 09-May-16 14:36:56

Everyone has to watch out for littlies, ignoring things means bairns die. You need to report if your friend won't.

summerdreams Mon 09-May-16 14:37:57

Yes I think child protection is everyones place.

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