To think his job is more important than mine

(9 Posts)
Verticalvenetianblinds Mon 09-May-16 13:07:30

So I've posted before about jobs, it's been a pain in the arse process but I'm nearly at the point where I'm happy!
I had a rubbish job, I hated it. I got offered some temporary work. I handed my notice in after much deliberation and have crunched the numbers many times. Dh not happy coz temp job means I may find myself unemployed in October, but I am applying for other jobs, actually have another interview next week.
So I've asked him to help out in the 'transition period'
Ds is still breastfeeding and very clingy. Always seems to have an ear infection, or a cough, or not enough sleep etc etc, cries a lot. I have booked him a nursery place at an excellent nursery, costs £6.50 an hour, but this is going rate around here, childminders maybe £1 cheaper but also full. It took ages to get the place, and they can have him for 2 days, wed and fri. He starts next Wednesday, having done lots of settling in (had a lot of tears!) new job pays min wage but will add lots to my cv so worth it paying out for nursery and bringing home 70p an hour.
So my aibu.... New temp job has training, I have to complete a certain number of hours to 'pay back' the training (which is over £1000), if I quit before then I have to pay it which I think is fair or I could just get the qualification then walk away and use it elsewhere. The training is mon-thur 9-4 next week. I have asked dh to take some time off work, pref Monday Tuesday and Thursday coz he can settle him for afternoon nap etc with a bottle. This was a month ago,it's all been confirmed. Today he lets me know he can only have the Monday off leaving us childcare less on Tuesday and Thursday! My dm works on a Tuesday, so could possibly have him Thursday (but as I said he cries, a lot and she lacks patience with small people) but what the hell can I do with him Tuesday?! No neighbours, nursery full (I'm hoping they have a sick absence Tuesday but I can't rely on that!)
So furious with 'd'h right now, his job miss not more important than mine is it?

needed to vent! Feel like I'm the bottom of the pile right now sad

OTheHugeManatee Mon 09-May-16 13:10:35

YANBU. Your DH should be taking the long view, with you - childcare is not 'your' responsibility, it's a family responsibility and it's in the interests of the whole family that you complete your training and progress in your work. He is BVU and a short-sighted knobber if he is not moving heaven and earth with you to make this happen.

BonerSibary Mon 09-May-16 13:14:11

I don't know whose job is more important, if either, but the childcare on Tuesday and Thursday is his problem to sort out, not yours. You won't be doing anything with DS on Tuesday. This isn't a whose job is more important issue, it's a who took responsibility for a particular day issue.

Verticalvenetianblinds Mon 09-May-16 13:36:58

I've just spoken to him. Told him to tell his boss that he'll be bringing ds to work on Tuesday!

gamerchick Mon 09-May-16 13:40:44

The childcare problem is his to sort out, that's the way me and the husband do it. Let him know in no uncertain terms he has a child to see too on those days.

redskytonight Mon 09-May-16 14:01:16

Really don't get this "his job to sort/my job to sort" business. DH's employer has said he can't have the time off, so you need to work TOGETHER to find an alternative childcarer. I'd personally suggest splitting the list of everyone you know who might be able to help and ringing them, and failing that to start on local childcarers. If you can't sort this out now, how will you manage you're both working and your child is ill?

Verticalvenetianblinds Mon 09-May-16 14:26:32

He assured me he could have the time off, I've exhausted all avenues my end so now it's on him. He's pissed that I handed my notice in for proper job which was more hours so how we would have ever coped with that is beyond me. He definitely sees childcare as my role, but wants to me to work as well. He has well and truly irritated me today. Thinking he can sleep on the sofa tonight!

BonerSibary Mon 09-May-16 15:29:29

Why is it a joint problem to find childcare on a day that one party had already confirmed, some time ago, that they could cover? Days when a child is ill will not be comparable, unless they happen to also fall on a day that one party said they'd cover then pulled out. Compare like with like.

whois Mon 09-May-16 15:36:04

Time to have a frank conversation with him. If the family unit needs/wants both parents in work, then the family unit has to take joint responsibility for all childcare and life admin stuff. i.e. he sorts his shit out.

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