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AIBU to ask ex to cover nursery fees when he takes son on hols?

(17 Posts)
Faithnotfear Mon 09-May-16 11:03:10

My ex is taking our son away for a week but I will still need to cover his nursery fees (as I would when I go away). Fees for a week are £250, ex pays £50 a week in maintenance. So Id like to ask him to cover the remaining £200 to cover the nursery fees whilst he is on holiday (deducting his current maintenance payment) My ex is a very difficult man and tries to find the sinister in everything I do, so I am dreading asking him. AIBU?

CantWaitForWarmWeather Mon 09-May-16 11:08:48

YANBU. I think whoever takes DS away should pay the nursery fees.
It may be difficult to actually make that happen though from what you've said!

VimFuego101 Mon 09-May-16 11:10:07

YANBU, but legally he doesn't have to so I doubt you'll get very far if he's as difficult as you say.

MrsHathaway Mon 09-May-16 11:14:46


You'd have to pay whether DS were there or not, so why is the cost only XP's responsibility that week?

Doesn't nursery offer discounts for holiday weeks? I think we can get 50% off for four weeks a year.

Faithnotfear Mon 09-May-16 11:31:56

Unfortunately I don't get any discount for hols.

splendide Mon 09-May-16 11:34:29

Ex should be paying fairly towards all expenses all the time but I can't see why taking DS away means he should cover the fees any more than when DS is there. Is it just that the waste is annoying you?

Faithnotfear Mon 09-May-16 11:38:58

Well when I go away I have to take nursery fees in to consideration, so from a responsibility perspective I'm thinking he should too. He already pays the minimum maintenance he can get away with, and I didn't get a penny until DS was almost 2. hmm. Obviously it's a bit frustrating that I have to pay fees to cover childcare when he is not there through no fault of my own. I could also do with the break financially!

DailyFaily Mon 09-May-16 11:40:12

I don't really understand your logic because you'd be paying for it regardless of whether your ex was taking him away or not? Or are you saying any week your ex has sole charge of your DS he should not pay maintenance but be covering all child related costs (which sounds reasonable actually)?

Faithnotfear Mon 09-May-16 11:41:32

I guess from that it sounds like I'm bitter about him not paying up, that's not the case, in my mind I just think it's the fair thing to do - but that's why I'm checking if iabu before I ask!

MrsHathaway Mon 09-May-16 11:45:04

Unfortunately I think it's irrelevant - nursery spreads your bill across 52 weeks whether DS is there or not.

XP is clearly a dick, but you aren't going to cure his dickishness by swapping costs for one solitary week.

Faithnotfear Mon 09-May-16 11:56:32

DailyFaily yes that's pretty much it, no maintenance to pay but should be covering all costs whilst DS is in his care.

splendide Mon 09-May-16 12:02:05

But Faith, wouldn't he just say he doesn't need childcare that week. I'd say the opposite is more logical - he should be paying half (assuming he is working while DS is at nursery normally).

DMjournosrscum Mon 09-May-16 12:12:05

Assuming he works - he should be paying half the nursery fees full time! - If he doesn't work how is he affording a holiday?

CantWaitForWarmWeather Mon 09-May-16 12:23:28

If the OP was going to be paying the nursery fees anyway, then at least she wouldn't be paying for nothing. He's taking DS on holiday and she's still paying for the nursery fees, so is paying for nothing.

Maybe a compromise and pay half and half?

If he's not working though then I don't think there's much he could pay tbh. Someone else might have paid for his holiday.

Faithnotfear Mon 09-May-16 12:24:36

He does work... I don't know how much he earns but he pays what the CSA assessment said. To the penny. Actual costs didn't come in to it... My actual costs are at least 1200 a month. He pays 200. Which is why under the circumstances I think he should cover the cost of nursery for that week. It may also be a useful lesson in responsibly. Just to be clear this isn't an ultimatum - DS will go with him regardless of whether he pays or not! smile

Faithnotfear Mon 09-May-16 12:26:34

Ahhh yes the "someone else's paying for it" chestnut! He used that twice when he went on holiday when he wasn't giving me a penny grin

GoblinLittleOwl Mon 09-May-16 12:55:45

Is it possible to consult the CSA?
If he can only afford to pay £50 maintenance a week for his child, how is he able to afford a holiday?
Do you have holiday periods when you do not have to pay fees? If so, insist that he takes his son on holiday only during those times should the situation arise again.

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