AIBU (I kind of know I am)(14 Posts)
It's hard to condense this without sharing the full story but .....
I fell out with my mum last year... (Please don't judge, it's a long time coming, not a silly argument but a huge build up of things on her part which culminated in me technically being the 'bad guy' because I ended it all)
so after the falling out my grandma took the time to go around and tell everyone what a horrible person I am. She has a habit of doing this with all the family, we always sausage can never be friends with everyone at once.
I go to a playgroup every week and other family members go there, they also stopped speaking to me apart from to be polite ... For months I never said anything to anyone about it and let them believe what they want....
Since then I've said little bits and tried to explain things but everyone is just focused on what a horrible person I am because the fall out was because of me and no one wants to hear my side.... It's always the excuse of we don't care we are not taking sides etc etc... (Even though they clearly have taken sides)
Anyway the AIBU bit.....
My stepdad (because he's a complete knob and most of the cause of the trouble anyway) kept posting things on Facebook, family meals, pictures of my kids and such like and tagging everyone in them, clearly just to make a point. I had enough of being upset and angry so I blocked him on Facebook, I thought because he tags people then I would have to block all of them so I did. (Should also note that I never use Facebook as a personal thing, I only ever use it for my business so in ever post anything for family to see or anything).
I told someone id blocked them all and they informed me that because I had blocked step dad I wouldn't get any of the posts he had tagged anyway (duh!) so I unblocked everyone apart from him and my mum.
I've gone to message one of my family members who comes to playgroup today only to find they have all blocked me... AIBU to be pissed off? 1. That they have blocked me 2. More that they didn't just ask why i had blocked them I the first place and I would have explained
What should I do??
Do I text her and ask her straight up?
Text her and explain that I blocked them and not mention their blocking?
Text her and play dumb.. Like oh just tried to Msg you on fb but cant find you...
Or just leave it and let them think what they want!
AIBU to be really upset that they are even taking sides without hearing both sides of the story???
Sorry that ended up as a really long post but I literally have no one to talk to about it all and it's really getting me down
You blocked them, now you're pissed off that they blocked you? I am confused.
Sounds like a right mess, life is too short to be falling out and having this drama.
Doesn't it occur to you that you would be much much happier if you just disengaged from all of it? Step away from Facebook. Close your account and if you have to have one for your business open a new one with none of them on it. Clearly they're going to believe what they want to believe and nothing you can do will change that so to save your sanity you really need to go N/C with all of them.
OK, so you fell out with your Mum and now she's turning everyone against you? It sounds like bullying and extreme relational aggression!
I think the blocking and counter-blocking all sounds a bit juvenile, to be honest. Your real focus should be on the fact that you have such a lot of toxic people in your life. The remedy that is often suggested is no contact - and that means exactly what it says on the tin, and absolutely includes passive-aggressive contact e.g. via social media. You need to be a complete blank to all of them. I think I would change my child's nursery and start again in your shoes.
But why was it acceptable for you to block them but not for them to block you?
* AIBU to be pissed off? 1. That they have blocked me 2. More that they didn't just ask why i had blocked them I the first place and I would have explained*
So you expect them to ask why you blocked them in the first place, rather than you telling them why you were about to block them?
I think the responsibility was yours really.
But tbh, I think you're better off without any of them on your FB list anyway.
How do you have room in your life for this attention seeking rubbish? You and your family are playing the same passive aggressive juvenile game. As a previous poster said a nc relationship is exactly what it says on the tin. Remove the drama and get on with your life.
The most surprising thing here is that there's a great grandmother, grandmother, mother, (step) father and all you all involved here because I'd have guessed you were all 13 year olds who were too immature for social media!
You blocked them then got upset when they blocked you? FFS!
Move on, bin facebook, join a new playgroup..Bollocks to the lot of them!
I guess it's not really the Facebook thing as such... I don't know maybe I'm just angry at that because it's easy to be angry at.
Not being on each other's Facebook is not really an issue as none of us are Facebook users really anyway.
I think I'm just sick of all the drama and everyone not listening and not wanting to take sides but then taking sides anyway!
I stopped all contact but every now again I get an abusive text or a Facebook post pops up and it's infuriating/upsetting.. I'm not really sure which!
When it all started I completely ignored everything but like I say it's like they just kept pushing and pushing for a reaction, then when I react they use it against me! I can't win really.
Thanks for replies though.
I think the Facebook thing bothers me because everyone has just assumed that I'm a horrible, pathetic person that blocks all her family on Facebook rather than stepping back and thinking have we all upset her/been that mean that she has resorted to being a saddo fb blocker haha. (Does that make sense?) especially when they all know that stepdad is a cock and they all hate him anyway! And they all know that grandma is a two faced bitching machine because they have all been on the wrong side of her at some point!
They all sound very immature. I understand why you blocked them-you thought you had to, to avoid seeing any pictures any of them are tagged in. I think it seems to have come too far now for explanations and they don't sound as if they'd listen to reason anyway. Get rid! Close FB down so you don't have to see any abusive messages and create another page solely for your business. Then I'd go to another playgroup if you can, as pp have suggested, or if you really need/want to stay at the current one, just be polite and no more to any family members you see, and stay close to any other friends you have there. Good luck!
Family's are so hard!
I'm stuck on that place between hating who they are and not wanting to be involved in that and knowing that I'm clearly not that important to their lives and then still being my family so I still feel hurt and angry and sad when I see photos of them all together without us etc.... I just don't know how to get out of that limbo and do all or nothing!
Have you had any counselling to help you sort out your feelings?
YANBU none of us are totally rational over stuff like this. But you do need to disengage.
I'd suggest you get some counselling and work out exactly what you do really want, and how you can get it.
Do you want to be part of your family most? Even though it is dysfunctional?
Do you want to NC your Mum and put up with the consequences?
To be honest - it could be worse - they could be blanking you or even harassing you at toddler groups etc.
What about your OH's family? What about your friends?
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