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To think this is quite mean?

(33 Posts)
ohgodimanidiot Sun 08-May-16 11:51:03

flatmate essentially moved boyfriend into out shared house (just 2 of us), he stays here most nights, watches tv a lot here on his own (sometimes I come into the house and he's just here!) and doesn't contribute to bills/food/rent. So I am basically subsiding him.

I have just looked in bathroom and she has bulk bought 50 toilet rolls and hidden them underneath her toiletries basket. Obviously so I wont ask to use/borrow them.

Aib to think this is pretty mean? I dont want the sodding toilet rolls but why go to such great lengths to hide them? Especially in light of everything?!

Naturally a pile of 50 toilet rolls would look much better on display for all to see. You could sit and ponder their beauty while on the loo

RaeSkywalker Sun 08-May-16 11:56:47


Surely things like loo rolls are shared items? Are you expected to buy and use your own?

Also how big is the toiletry basket if it's hiding 50 loo rolls?!

I'd also be talking to her about her boyfriend making a contribution- I've been in your position before and asked for a contribution after a couple of months of him using our water, having the heating on when no one else was in, etc...

pillowaddict Sun 08-May-16 11:57:31

The main issue here is the subsidy of a third person living with you so you need to address that. Bills should be split 3 ways at the very least, but I'd also be considering asking for a slight rent reduction for him to make up the shortfall as you signed up to live with one person, not two. I'm a bit intrigued as to how you spotted the toilet rolls if she went to great lengths to hide them! But agree that is mean in the circumstances, and in general tbh unless you're a regular non loo roll buyer!

Birdsgottafly Sun 08-May-16 11:57:49

He's moving in gradually and I wonder if they would want you out, tbh.

Did you have any agreements about the T&Cs of having people stay?

Everything needs bringing out into the open and discussing, before things go any further, to their advantage.

ohgodimanidiot Sun 08-May-16 11:58:31

Well triptrap i see your point but equally it seems odd that she has never mentioned it once, she can be quite stingy about sharing items like this and jokily insists I pay her back every time I borrow a loo roll etc. Its become quite clear that the reason for hiding them is so I dont just help myself... Which I find quite insulting given the circumstances!!!!!

ohgodimanidiot Sun 08-May-16 11:59:23

Birdsgottafly - it's my flat!!!!!! I found it and signed the agreement, she is my flatmate! How can they want me out? It doesnt work like that!!!!

ohgodimanidiot Sun 08-May-16 12:00:07

No im not a regular non loo roll buyer, i spotted them cos I was cleaning the bathroom (yes im a mug) and saw them stashed away.

Birdsgottafly Sun 08-May-16 12:03:10

Don't split things three ways, that gives him a foot in the door.

It needs to be 2/3rds her: 1/3rd you, so it's just between the two of you, if she does, or doesn't get, the money off him, that's her business.

Beeziekn33ze Sun 08-May-16 12:04:12

You need to talk about the rent and household expenses being shared, either with your friend or with the boyfriend too if you can handle it.
Toilet rolls, 50, hidden, how big is the bathroom?

Birdsgottafly Sun 08-May-16 12:05:00

X post, definitely don't split things three ways, you've then given him permission to be part of the household.

I've known flat mates to get into a relationship and force the other one out, when it's rented, that's all.

ohgodimanidiot Sun 08-May-16 12:05:22

Ok maybe like 20-30, im not sure, it's a big bathroom and there were a stack of them wedged right into the corner...

Beeziekn33ze Sun 08-May-16 12:07:06

Umm, how come you 'borrow a loo roll'? Do you have a loo each?

ohgodimanidiot Sun 08-May-16 12:07:52

yes 2 bathrooms in house

expatinscotland Sun 08-May-16 12:08:24

'Birdsgottafly - it's my flat!!!!!! I found it and signed the agreement, she is my flatmate! How can they want me out? It doesnt work like that!!!!'

Does your LL know she is there? That's subletting, and some tenancy agreements don't allow that. What sort of tenancy agreement does she have? What are the T&C regarding having visitors to stay - some agreements cover this.

You need to get her out because she is pisstaking.

ilovesooty Sun 08-May-16 12:09:08

Whose name is on the tenancy? If it's yours can you give her notice?

Arfarfanarf Sun 08-May-16 12:10:36

You really do need to tell her that her boyfriend must contribute.

I wouldnt mind betting he's giving her something. I bet he is either giving her some money or buying their food or something. I think you need to say you will not sub them.

DoreenLethal Sun 08-May-16 12:11:30

As soon as you see her, tell her that he moves out, or she pays 2/3 of the rent and bills going forward. Her choice.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree Sun 08-May-16 12:13:40

OP - YANBU. Not at all - this exact thing happened to my dsis - plan was for them to get a flat together. But after about a fortnight, friend got a BF, and all but moved him in. She'd come back from work and find him watching TV in his pants hmm

It did not work out well - dsis hated the atmosphere there, felt like the gooseberry in her own home and ended up moving out after the 6mths was up. They no longer speak.

MegGriffin1 Sun 08-May-16 12:13:45

Get a new housemate?

shamelessmailhack Sun 08-May-16 12:16:07

Look at your tenancy agreement. There's usually a clause about how long guests can stay at the property. So her boyfriend shouldn't be able to stay every night.

Trouble is, if the agreement is fully in your name and not signed by you both, you are subletting which is usually against the rules.

TimeIhadaNameChange Sun 08-May-16 12:21:17

She definitely has to contribute more to the bills, even if he isn't stay full time. Having him there even just every weekend will change the dynamics of the flat to your disadvantage. Instead of you having a 50% call on everything (eg what to watch on tv) you'll only have a third, and could easily feel outnumbered on a lot of things. Plus you may end up feeling you can't /don't want to spend time in the communal areas whilst they're there, so are paying for something you're not using.

Definitely get it sorted ASAP.

Needfinsnow Sun 08-May-16 12:25:57

Definitely talk about it! And ask for some contribution from him! When I was at uni I shared a house with 4 others, all of whom pretty much moved their partners in with them. It was hell, partners didn't contribute a bean and the bills rocketed with so many extra people! I moved out after a year as could not bear it anymore!

OurBlanche Sun 08-May-16 12:30:27

No contribution, that could give him rights.

Do check your tenancy and see what it says about guests, see what you can do about replacing her as well!

If all that fails, move out yourself. Once you get that sort of imbalance in a house share it is impossible to put it right. One party always has to move on. Her circumstances have changed, she should be grown up enough to acknowledge it amd do the right thing.

springydaffs Sun 08-May-16 12:32:57

HOnestly, just chuck her out.

She won't improve. She is taking the PISS

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