I have a six month old dd and five older children.
I have always struggled to stick to things . So I work for dh (luckily) but the last 5 years for example it has gone like this.
I get bored and depressed being a sahm go through a phase of depression.
Then I decide that I am going to do something else, I arrange to go to work at the office , apply for courses do voluntary work.
Then I decide that i am too depressed and overwhelmed to do that and so suddenly become a sahm again, and decide that I'm going to be a traditional housewife, grow veg or whatever.
Repeat pattern to infinity.
I know it sounds like a ridiculous situation but it's actually pretty upsetting. I go through phases of being so incredibly depressed and then phases where I just can't face not doing anything. It's stressful.
For an example my last two Dds (so child 5 and 6 ) were both a result of me suddenly deciding i wanted a baby during one of these sahm phases.
I started antidepressants after dd6 was born as I finally got up the nerve to tell my doctor I was feeling really depressed.
The first lot (sertraline) has no effect other to make self harm etc WORSE.
Changed to fluoxetine which has helped but I realise this morning you know what I have suddenly decided to go back to work. Hired a nanny and the house is sparkling because I feel so amazingly on top of everything.
It's the same bloody pattern isn't it?
It came to a head for me a few days ago when I hard MIL comment about me going back to work " we will see how long this lasts then hahah"
And she's right I now think that everyone must think I am ridiculous. I start at work, I start courses, I start volunteer work. But I never finish.
I am so embarrassed that people have noticed and I feel really upset at MIL for joking about it.
AIBU to be upset I can't even bring myself to talk to her atm (although I am not arguing with her just making excuses not to go round).
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AIBU?
AIBU to be so upset that people have noticed how I struggle
60 replies
mylittlearmy · 08/05/2016 07:14
OP posts:
LindyHemming ·
08/05/2016 07:36
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