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To use both names?

(18 Posts)
Tealeaf321 Sat 07-May-16 22:17:21

Dp and I are expecting our first baby, not married and doubt we ever will be.
I want to double barrel babies surname, I want to share the same name as my children without being married as that's just not what I want. It would also mean a lot to my family to carry on family name as I am the last person left to carry on the name.

Dp thinks that all babies should take fathers surname, mostly because it's 'how it's supposed to be' whereas I feel it's 2016 and we should be moving with the times. Mil has made comments about 'how it should be' that have made me feel uncomfortable.
I'm afraid I am being unreasonable as I'm so emotional I'm not sure when I am hormonal.
But do you think iabu?

EatShitDerek Sat 07-May-16 22:19:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FutureGadgetsLab Sat 07-May-16 22:20:50

I was going to say it's just a name, but your DPs rigidity and determination to stick to archaic illogicalsocial norms has pushed me into your camp. Double barrel it OP.

Okay377 Sat 07-May-16 22:22:18

Yanbu. I have friends where baby has mum's name (married but wife kept her own name) baby has dad's name, or have a combination. It's entirely up to the mum and dad - you and your partner need to discuss and decide: what anyone else thinks really doesn't matter - you just tell them what you've decided.

MuddlingMackem Sat 07-May-16 22:22:50

Not a fan of double barrelling names as it's a lot of space needed when form filling. I do know of a lady who agreed with her husband that any daughters would have her last name and sons would have his. They had all daughters. grin

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sat 07-May-16 22:23:46

No it's not how it's supposed to be at all. My dp knows any children I have are going in my name. He's not bothered though.
Of course YNBU to include both names.
I know of someone with 4 kids all to different dads okay. Nothing wrong with that. This is after all 2016 not 1620, but all her dcs have their fathers names. A bit odd to me, to let your children grow up with different surnames, but I suppose it's each to their own

ThoraGruntwhistle Sat 07-May-16 22:24:21

Are you planning on someday marrying him? And if you did, would you take his name?
Because if not, then it's only right that your name should be included. He's being very silly to suggest otherwise.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sat 07-May-16 22:26:35

It's not about liking or disliking a name though is it ESD. I don't particularly like or dislike my surname, but I'm proud of my name and my heritage.

Brainnotbrawn Sat 07-May-16 22:26:44

It is also traditional to be married and all have the same name, not that I think this is remotely necessary, I am merely just pointing out what he seems to have forgotten.

CMOTDibbler Sat 07-May-16 22:27:23

My ds is double barreled, and it is no problem at all. If your dp continues to whinge, tell him you will register the baby in your name only as 'thats the way its done' as that is what was traditional for babies with unmarried parents

Oreosaretasty Sat 07-May-16 22:28:17

Ok i'm sorry i'm pedantic I know but I HAVE to point this out!!!!
Baby taking fathers name is NOT tradition at all. it is tradition and always has been for the baby to take mothers surname, however it is also tradition that the parents would've been married, so mum would already have dads name, in the case of unmarried mothers the baby went in mums name.

x2boys Sat 07-May-16 22:28:24

Do what you want it doesn't matter about social norms in this day and age .I did marry dh and took his name because I wanted too and both our boys have his name but that was our choice .

Kidnapped Sat 07-May-16 22:28:25

You are not being unreasonable at all. He is. I'd be worried that the sexist "how it's supposed to be" attitude will extend to who looks after the children and who does the housework. Hint: not him.

Give him a choice. It's only fair. Either double-barrel or your surname only.

Tealeaf321 Sat 07-May-16 22:30:44

Knew I wasn't being hormonal

No not planning on getting married. Even if we did I would keep my name either just my name or double barrel.

Another reason for not double barrelling is that baby will have 2 middle names aswell as 2 sirnames and although it flows well, he is going to have a really really long name.

DMjournosrscum Sat 07-May-16 22:36:26

A baby will automatically take your name til you register a different one. The only risk if you just keep yours is people will jump to conclusions your DP is not the dad. So if you want to keep your name in there I would double barrel. Jus be prepared for everyone to assume you have the sane double-barrelled name

FuzzyOwl Sat 07-May-16 22:42:08

I agree with a PP, a baby has the mother's surname (and you'll find all paperwork in hospital is in your surname even if you have already agreed what surname your child will have).

I am married but kept my name so DC has both our names. It is long and I am not a fan of double barrelled names, but we are equal parents so have passed on both of our names.

MyNewBearTotoro Sat 07-May-16 22:54:47

My DS is Firstname MySurname-DPsSurname.

DP and I aren't married and our DD has my surname only as she is from my previous relationship and it felt important to both of us that she and DS have at least a partly shared surname.

If DP and I marry I think we will both change to MySurname-HisSurname and change DD's name also so that we are all the same but no way would I drop my name completely to take DP's and I wouldn't expect him to do the same either.

Mumoftwoyoungkids Sat 07-May-16 23:15:51

As an aside, as unmarried parents, legally you - and only you - get to register your baby. You can call it Fred IloveGaryBarlow if you want and your DP would not be able to stop you.

So you are actually being very generous to let him have double barrelling.

If he wanted a baby with his name then he should have waited until he convinced you to marry him and change your name!

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