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to want a civil partnership rather than a marriage?

(198 Posts)
victoriousponge Sat 07-May-16 16:12:07

I'm in a happy, committed relationship. We were talking recently about the future, and are in agreement that marriage is not for us. However, if the option were available, we would enter into a civil partnership, but legally (as we are not a same sex couple) this is not an option.

I know that there is a challenge to this potentially going to the ECHR (although not sure what effect Brexit, if it happens, will have on that) but in the meantime AIBU to want this?

Floggingmolly Sat 07-May-16 16:13:43

Why, if marriage is not for you, don't you just leave well alone?

TheDuchessOfArbroathsHat Sat 07-May-16 16:14:53

Are you just being awkward for the sake of it? Just get married. Or don't.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sat 07-May-16 16:14:57

Stay as you are then.

DottyButtons Sat 07-May-16 16:19:53

Why a civil partnership thought?
When I entered into mine it was the only way for a same sex couple to have a relationship legally recognised. But, in my eyes, showed that government viewed same sex relationships as not quite as worthy as opposite sex ones.

OurBlanche Sat 07-May-16 16:20:12

I know what you mean, Victoria.

If all you want is a legal status for your partnership, no religion, no Mr + Mrs, then it seems odd that you can't have a civil partnership, regardless of genders.

I had hoped when the whole gay marriage thing was (finally) deemed acceptable by the powers that be, that the whole marriage/partnership thing would be wholly equal, with everyone having the same choices.

Seems there is still a lot of resistance to the idea of a real equality!

victoriousponge Sat 07-May-16 16:20:40

We're not religious, therefore that aspect of marriage has no relevance to us. Also I don't want to be married 'to' someone, we both would prefer something we come to as equals - a true partnership.

As civil partners we would have all the legal benefits of marriage in the event of one of us dying, would be next of kin etc, but without the above. However we can't as a heterosexual couple which to my mind is unfair.

curren Sat 07-May-16 16:21:50

If all you want is a legal status for your partnership, no religion, no Mr + Mrs, then it seems odd that you can't have a civil partnership, regardless of genders.

The OP could have a civil ceremony and not use Mrs. It's fairly simple.

OurBlanche Sat 07-May-16 16:22:48

Dolly that is how I see it too. By leaving the 'difference' in law the government is still 'othering' a large section of the population. This shouldn't be acceptable to anyone.

They chickened out of making all partnerships equal and I don't know why. It annoys me!

OurBlanche Sat 07-May-16 16:25:11

X-posted, curren.

It's about equality and not leaving any section of society as legally 'other'. Especially when there is a difference. We probably would not have got married had a civil partnership been available to us - almost 30 years ago.

We just wanted a simple, legal recognition of our 'common law' relationship!

Floggingmolly Sat 07-May-16 16:25:19

You're right, you can't have all the legal benefits of marriage without the marriage. Suck it up.

OurBlanche Sat 07-May-16 16:27:00

Crikey! Why so aggressive?

DottyButtons Sat 07-May-16 16:28:48

So it's the wording of it?
You can have religion free marriages.
This is making me all twitchy and likely to get offended so I'm not likely to post further.
The only reason civil partnerships came into existence was to separate the other.

victoriousponge Sat 07-May-16 16:28:54

We could have those benefits if we were a same sex couple - we wouldn't have to marry and compromise our views!

As it stands, until the law changes, we do not have the choice of a civil partnership, which is inequal.

Floggingmolly Sat 07-May-16 16:29:07

It's a ridiculous non problem.

Floggingmolly Sat 07-May-16 16:30:00

Compromise your views? What are your views?

OurBlanche Sat 07-May-16 16:33:03

I am sorry Dolly. But why does it make you twitchy?

I may have written my posts badly - I have read them back and I think I can now read them as saying I think same sex partnerships are a bad thing. Not what I meant at all!

I meant that in leaving one ceremony only for same sex partnerships those partnerships are being 'othered' and that simply is not right. If everyone could choose a civil partnership or marriage then no relationship would have any 'other' characteristic, be more or less than any other.

Which is how it should be!

gingergenie Sat 07-May-16 16:33:16

then marry in a register office. That is a civil service with no religious overtones! Civil partnerships have been done away with simply because it's all just known as marriage now - whether a religious ceremony or a civil ceremony, gay or straight. It's all just marriage now.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es Sat 07-May-16 16:33:22

You can have a marriage of equals with no religion, no Mr and Mrs, no use of the words husband and wife. You are each married to one another, it's not unequal.

freshprincess Sat 07-May-16 16:33:51

I genuinely don't understand what difference it would make.
You can get married without any religion involved.
the balance and equality in a relationship is down to the dynamic of the people involved. I certainly don't view my husband my superior in any way.

victoriousponge Sat 07-May-16 16:34:51

It's not simply the religious aspect. I have been to many marriages in 'civil' settings where there has been no mention of God etc, and if that was all that we were uncomfortable with, we'd simply get married in a similar non religious setting.

But not only don't I want to be Mrs <hisname>, I don't want to be someone's wife. I don't feel that marriage, as it exists in English law, is conceived as equal, and it doesn't fit with our view of our relationship.

But I would like that relationship to have legal status.

OreosAreTasty Sat 07-May-16 16:35:23

fucking hell. Next you'll be bitching because living people don't get headstones.

OurBlanche Sat 07-May-16 16:35:46

Only same sex couples can form a civil partnership

www.gov.uk/marriages-civil-partnerships/overview

Floggingmolly Sat 07-May-16 16:35:52

Again, what are your "views", op?

MuttonCadet Sat 07-May-16 16:36:53

Marriage is not a religious institution, that's why you can get married in a hotel. We had a civil wedding ceremony, no religion at all.

If this is all you have to worry about then you're very lucky.

In the meantime, by not being married you expose yourself to risk if your partner should die.

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