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AIBU? - sudden cold feet about TTC

(17 Posts)
LadyAntonella Sat 07-May-16 10:46:03

DH and I have just started TTC DC2 having really wanted to start TTC another DC for months. Just suddenly I have awful cold feet!

Has anyone else had this?

My DD seems so happy atm and is still quite young (too young to "want" a sibling if that makes sense). I seem to be either all or nothing about DC2. I was convinced I wanted another and now I think I might not ever want another. So weird. With DD I never wavered at all really so this is unexpected.

DH really wants another, though he would happily wait.

Do I put a stop to this now or is this something everyone goes through?

curren Sat 07-May-16 10:52:15

I found deciding to have a second was a bigger decision than the first. Because we had to take Dd into account.

We ended up with a bigger gap that planned because we just weren't sure. We tried for 18 months for our second and we're discussing stopping ttc and then two weeks later, I found I was pg.

So I went back and forth a lot. Of course once I was pregnant I was delighted and don't regret having him for a minute. But I flipped and flopped a lot.

LadyAntonella Sat 07-May-16 11:02:28

Thanks curren. I know what you mean about it feeling like a bigger decision this time. I keep questioning when the best one for us all will be which is stupid as I know it's difficult to time these things. I could wait till the 'perfect' time and then take years to conceive.

getyourfingeroutyournose Sat 07-May-16 11:45:59

We were planning to ttc recently and I just started to ovulate. Unfortunately I think my grumps are going to get in the way with this one. I keep getting really annoyed with DP and feel really hormonal. I need to take a step back for now and not try until I know it's definitely me being hormonal (and then sort that out) rather than us not having a decent relationship any more. I feel like it's hormonal but DP can be an irritating git at times.
It's not just you. I'd address the problem (if you can find one) before you get pregnant but that's in an ideal world where everything is perfect and goes exactly how you want it to.

LadyAntonella Sat 07-May-16 12:01:17

Thanks get. All seems good between DH and me (I think). I don't know what it is. I'm not grumpy with him but I do remember how hard things were with DD (normal newborn stress I think) and I know another DC would put some strain on our relationship. I might suggest taking a step back. The problem with that is contraception - I had some problems with the pill I was on and am not keen to revisit. I guess that's a whole new thread though!

Topseyt Sat 07-May-16 12:39:49

I think I felt that way with all three of mine. All were planned and I wouldn't change them for the world of course. My youngest DD is now 13.

I think what you are feeling is normal. Having a baby is, as we know, a culture shock. Each new baby is in their own way a step into the unknown, so I think it is natural. Add to that the fact that there is an older child to consider and you cannot be 100% sure how they will feel about it.

You are not unusual.

Cadenza1818 Sat 07-May-16 12:42:00

Def not weird. I think it's partly cos you're not naive anymore. First pregnancy is totally new. Now you know what's coming up!

NeedsAsockamnesty Sat 07-May-16 12:42:14

If you have doubts then wait

GrumpyMcGrumpyFace Sat 07-May-16 12:45:12

I remember in the delivery suite just about to push and thinking, I've changed my mind, I don't want a child! Of course too late then. It was just fear. Now she is here absolutely no regret.

OiWithThePoodlesAlready Sat 07-May-16 12:56:13

My first wasn't planned so I had no chance to waver and dd2 was more of "I'm not adverse to another baby and contraception us a faff".

So I'm no use really on the uncertainty thing but I wanted to offer my experience of newborns. Dd1 - total bloody nightmare. I was stressed, scared and felt under pressure to be doing everything perfectly. I hated the newborn and baby bit. Dd2 - currently 4 months old and it's been lovely this time. I'm not stressed, I'm confident in what I'm doing and actually enjoying it. I can't wait to start trying for number 3.

LadyAntonella Sat 07-May-16 14:38:38

Thanks all. It's good to know it's quite normal!

At the moment I'm thinking we might wait a bit. I would love to think I'll find the newborn stage easier second time round. A few friends have found DC2 a doddle and others have found it much tougher than DC1. The way I feel atm I think I'd like to wait till DD is old enough to understand a bit of what's happening. I might change my mind completely of course! I think DH is happy to wait for a bit too - we discussed briefly today.

What get mentioned did get me to thinking actually and there was a bit of a drama in my family (not DH, DD and I but extended family) recently and I wonder now if that had destabilised me a bit. Not that the people involved live near enough to me for it to have a massive impact but we do see each other a fair bit. Also I am not working, have no family nearby, have moved to a new town recently and DD won't be at nursery for a while yet, so I jut think it's a bad idea atm.

getyourfingeroutyournose Sat 07-May-16 22:09:29

It could be what's happened within your family yeah. I find I'm quite sensitive to things. I've only just picked up on my bad moods being somewhat hormonal. Probably because I'm now tracking my cycle and they seem to coincide with certain stages.
I do think it's a good idea to wait though. Speaking from my own perspective of course, I feel like if I went into it not 100% happy then it would have a negative tinge. But then you could just be having nerves of course. I think whilst one is in nursery you then get at least a few hours a day to have to yourself and baby. I'd go for baby steps.
I also know what you mean about contraception. I've been all over the place with mine and now I'm finally off the pill, I'm the happiest I've been in a long time and my body doesn't do terrible things at the worst times any more. I would just stick with condoms or another method that doesn't involve drugs etc (pulling out) and have it as a happy accident if it doesn't work. I'd see that as better than being stuck on a contraceptive that makes you ill/unhappy.
But, you now have the opportunity to plan well in advance. There's nothing stopping you guys planning it all now and talking about it til you're blue in the face and have every single detail sorted before you even start trying properly. Also will give you a chance to save a bit of money if you can. That will always come in handy!

LadyAntonella Sun 08-May-16 07:03:15

Thanks get. I feel like a different person after coming off the pill. Definitely won't be going back to it. It would be a happy accident if I fell pregnant. Probably I'm thinking the whole idea to death and need to calm the fuck down! smile

Thanks all for posts.

DMjournosrscum Sun 08-May-16 07:20:17

Omg so glad I saw your thread been ttc dc2 for a year now (age means waiting not an option) been absolutely desperate for a year after DH insisted we waited after me and DS very nearly died at delivery. All of a sudden out of nowhere in like meeeh if I don't have another and actually avoided fertile period this time. It's been so nice to step away for a month.

LadyAntonella Sun 08-May-16 07:35:55

Oh I'm glad I'm not alone DM! I was just dying for another DC for ages and now I am just not at all sure. Sigh. Hormones maybe? Or just me being fickle? Oh dear. I definitely need to take a step back for now. I'm driving myself round the bend. confused

DMjournosrscum Sun 08-May-16 14:23:36

It's so confusing isn't it? Definately give yourself a break its so much pressure I also think society has a thing about only children and it's easy to get swept along with the need for another

LadyAntonella Sun 08-May-16 17:16:27

So true re only children DM. It's a lot of pressure and everyone wants to do the right thing for their existing DCs. I can't help but think that at the minute the cons of having a new baby (DH and me being stressed, having less time, less sleep, less money etc) outweigh the pros for what is "best" for DD (and for DH and me too tbh).

That said, if I suddenly found out I was pregnant I would probably be happy... I think... confused It's making the decision which seems to be the problem. I just don't know what to do for the best which is why I think we need to hold off. If someone else was the OP I think I would probably tell them not to plan a new baby if they weren't sure they wanted one.

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