And crossed the line? (Wedding related sorry!)

[CuppaSarah]

My sil is getting married in 18 months and wants to slowly start the dress shopping process so she can take her time and keep her options open. Tomorrow we're off to a sample sale for her first ever time trying on dresses. I'm super excited to go, but there's one problem.

To be blunt my sil is plus size and this sample sale does not have any plus size dresses. So her first time ever trying on wedding dresses will be trying on ones way too small. I can imagine that it could very easily leave her feeling shitty and bad about all wedding dress shopping, her self confidence is isn't great as it is.

So I've secretly booked an appointment in a bridal boutique with plus size gowns in her budget and have the money set aside for a deposit just in case(as she won't have all the funds till the end of the month) this way she can try on dresses that fit and get that princess feeling she deserves. But now I'm thinking it's a bit 'sorry you're too fat so we have to go somewhere else' or that I'm being pushy. Basically aibu to book her first boutique appointment behind her back?

[blueturtle6]

Let her ho sample sale, be there for her if she gets upset. And say my colleague/friend recommended this lovely place she got hers from lets try it. Don't mention plus size from experience x

[PotteringAlong]

cancel it. Let her do what she wants, when she wants.

[CuppaSarah]

Oh no I won't mention plus size. My sister bought hers from this place so I can say I found it through her. I'll tell her I booked the second place as a surprise to make a day of it I thought?

[WorriedOrStressed]

Perhaps she intends to lose weight and use seeing her ideal dress as her motivation?

[RaeSkywalker]

Go to the sample sale, then suggest the boutique after?

[BlueRaptor]

You sound like a really lovely, thoughtful SIL.

I think yes say it's a surprise to make a day of it like you mentioned as that way it just makes the whole day about her and special :) have a lovely day! X

[dangermouseisace]

YANBU I'd book an appointment but tell her beforehand…and then just say that if you go into a proper shop they take the time to look at which particular styles suit you- necklines, waist types etc so that she'll be able to get a good idea of what it she wants to look for, just in case the sample sale doesn't work out. I know that when I looked for dresses I didn't just look in one shop…kind of the same thing isn't it?

[whatsagoodusername]

Are the sample sale and the appointment on the same day?

I'd phrase it as the shop being recommended so you booked the appointment for an all-day dress shopping extravaganza thing. Or if the shop is near to the sample sale, you figured why not while in the area?

[TheGhostOfBarryFairbrother]

I think you sound like a lovely and considerate SIL

Play it by ear. If she's not too bothered by not fitting into the dresses (maybe she's just looking for inspiration for the design) then that's fine. If you can see that it's getting to her then you can step in and take her to "this lovely place I know".

Good luck! I bet she'll look beautiful.

[TheUnsullied]

Could you not just have had a tactful conversation with her about it? I'm plus size and it makes all the sense in the world to me that a sample sale would only have sizes typically used for display. You could even say something like "honey, those are sample sizes. Your boobs are never getting in there. I've booked somewhere who are more used to dealing with boobs your size."

What you've done is lovely but may take her aback a bit if she takes it the wrong way. Especially if she's not got great self confidence.

[Middleclassmumnetter]

I think it's quite thoughtful of you if played right. Don't mention plus size, and certainly not as the reason you booked the other boutique. Could you play it as 'Cuppa is excited SIL caught up in wedding fever couldn't help myself, booked you in to boutique, oooh we can have champagne, I'm so excited!'
Go to the sample sale, be supportive, if it comes up remind her that 'sample sales are well known for having tiny sizes, it's ridiculous, we'll go to a proper place next time'

[CuppaSarah]

Yes they're on the same day, sample sale first. Then we're having an early lunch and the bridal appointment is early afternoon.

I'm glad you guys don't think I'm being a weird control freak sil/bridesmaid. I just know she's waited so long to be a bride and I want her to love every minute of it.

[Witchinghours]

I think it's a really good idea. My 1st time trying on dresses was in a very naice shop in Knightsbridge where all the sample dresses were size 10. I was a size 12 at the time and felt terrible that none fitted.

Fortunately I had a 2nd appointment booked that day where the samples were 12 or 14.

[CuppaSarah]

Middleclass I will be using that exact line if the sample sale doesn't work out. Along with your line about breasts Unsullied.

To be honest plus size isn't the only reason I picked this place it has a couple.dresses I am dying to see her in. I love weddingd

[hilbil21]

I think what you're doing is lovely. However, she must know what size she is and if she wanted to go somewhere with plus sizes then she would. She's decided to go to the sample sale and I think although it's a lovely thought, I would be offended if it was me xx

[MissBattleaxe]

I think you sound absolutely lovely. I hope you both have a lovely day.

[JeanGenie23]

How thoughtful of you.

YANBU to book it but I think you should tell her before hand so she doesn't feel like you have gone behind her back. It may be that she wants to find a sample size so she has motivation for weight loss? Or perhaps she is just doing it so she can get an idea of what style dress she likes?

[Littleallovertheshop]

As long as you don't mention size it will be fine. What a lovely thing to do

[ThinkPinkStink]

I'm a size 16, and I think I'd want to be warned ahead of time that the sample sale might be full of sample size dresses. I would absolutely not be offended if my sister or friend said 'isn't a sample sale full of size 8-10 clothes?' I'm not blind, I know what clothes size I am. Is your DSis a bit sensitive or could you try a really factual, direct approach?

If it softens the blow, it's worth mentioning that wedding dresses come up super small (in my experience) so it's not that she's big, the bloody dresses are tiny X

[Noodledoodledoo]

When I booked appointment for my dress shopping I enquired if they had plus size dresses in for trying - making the point there was no point me wasting mine and their time if they didn't as I wasn't going to buy something drapped round my neck.

A couple of stores were quite rude when I enquired.

One shop had 2 dresses in when I went for the appointment - both I hated! Same shop tried to get me in to a size 10 when I am a size 20! The ripping sounds made me feel so good about myself.

I did howeve,r in a lovely shop, have success with trying lots on including a size 14 - if they aren't figure hugging style you do get a good idea of how it will look.

I was recommended one shop who 'specialised' in plus size alongside a 'normal' range who refused to let me look at the other rails, I didn't go back to that one!

[Blueberry234]

I think that is lovely I was plus size and being squeezed into a dress was hideous

[MiddleClassProblem]

Plus size here, I think what you have done sounds lovely and very thoughtful

[mountaintoclimb]

When my dngot married she was overweight and didn't fit into any of the sample dress sizes. but most people wouldn''t as they are usually about 8-10 dress size.

She should be able to try some on even if they can't be done up. It's normal in my experience for wedding dresses to be altered to fit. That's why you have to allow 6-9months from choosing the dress through to alterations and fittings.

[CuppaSarah]

Well we talk a lot and she's told me she already enquired about sizes for the sale and knows the biggest size is too small. She was also telling me how she was worried about not fitting in any today. So she's going to the sample sale knowing which is good.

I also know she is planning on loosing some weight, but she is not intending on using her wedding dress as motivation or even planning on being smaller than what's currently considered plus size. We are very close and open with each other. I was also thinking sample sales are very busy and chaotic, so that might leave her disappointed too. It might be nice to have a proper appointment where she isn't rushed and can try on those two dresses I think she would look amazing in

This is one of those really personal ones where to some people I wbu and others I wnbu isn't it? Fx she's the latter

[MrTiddlestheFatCat]

You seem like a lovely SIL- very thoughtful.

I would say something along the lines of what PP have said...

'Oh I've just found this lovely place near to the sample sale & thought we could make a whole day out of the dress shopping!! I made a provisional appointment when I was having a look through, but just tell me if you'd rather not go!!'

Middleclassmumnetter said it the best, I think.