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Competetive weddings - cost and bitching

(34 Posts)
dandydesmond Fri 06-May-16 11:17:53

I have two female friends who are each (separately) engaged - they're both work colleagues, but due to the nature of our job we've known each other a long time and often see each other outside of work, so I consider them more friends than colleagues. They are closer to each other than I am to either of them, but I'm close enough to be invited to both weddings and both hen dos. They are each others' maids of honour.

The nature of my job means I am often gobsmacked at the materialism and sheer flashiness of people here (we earn very good money), and that's no different in respect of these friends. I have a very different background from
most of my colleagues and so I am have a different perspective on money and what counts as "good", "posh" or "expensive". I usually just ignore it as much as possible and I have no issue telling them to sod off regularly when they decide on insanely priced restaurants and bars for social occasions. However, this materialism has become exacerbated since the engagements.

Friend N got engaged in September - she's got a £15k engagement ring with a 1.6 carat diamond, which we heard about non-stop for weeks. Finally that was replaced by constant chat about venues etc (she's having a wedding in the UK at a very expensive venue, at which guestrooms alone are £175 per night) and finally the other details. As she's getting married in the UK she has decided on a hen do abroad, which will cost around £500 just for flights and hotel. She is also expecting wedding presents. .

Friend K got engaged in March - her ring is £17k and from a very exclusive NYC designer (apparently this is important as we've heard a lot about it). She has booked a venue in France for just 2 months after M's wedding - again, very expensive and will require a whole weekend out there as it's not super accessible. She also expects wedding presents. She told N she would like a London hen due to abroad wedding, however just this week she has decided she wants to go to Dubai at a cost of around £1500 each. I have said no to this and explained that it's ridiculous, don't worry.

Entire cost of each wedding looking like £50k or so.

Perhaps more importantly than the sheer extortionate cost and materialism is the amount of bitching from these two "best friends".
- N is upset because her chosen dress costs £X - K has gone and bought a designer dress costing the same amount for the night before her own wedding. Apparently this is awful.
- K is upset that N has refused Dubai on the grounds that she has to save for her own wedding. K's fiancé has offered to pay for flights, but N refuses to take the money.
- N is upset that K has picked a time so close to Ns own wedding for hers. Apparently its not as special now.
- K is upset that N didn't spend as much on her engagement present as she spent on hers.
- N is upset that K has bettered her ring.
- N is upset that K isn't paying for her won wedding (parents are) and yet N has to pay for her own (well, N's fiancé is paying). Apparently K doesn't understand the cost issues.
- K is upset that N made a comment that "not having a free bar makes you look cheap" - K wasn't planning on one...
- N is upset that K said "why would you get married in England? It's much more romantic abroad".
- and many more.

AIBU to not go to either wedding on the grounds that they are both absolutely ridiculous?

WorraLiberty Fri 06-May-16 11:21:51

Of course you're not being unreasonable to not go to a wedding if you don't want to confused

I'm not sure what's more amusing there though - them bitching about each other at work, or you bitching about the pair of them on here grin

MiddleClassProblem Fri 06-May-16 11:24:00

To up to you whether you go or not but I think they both need reminding that a wedding is about getting married not about other people's wedding.

MadHattersWineParty Fri 06-May-16 11:26:11

There's a lot people do regarding weddings that I wouldn't do myself. Hen dos abroad and inaccessible venues etc.

I just tend to let people get on with it if it doesn't really affect me. If I can't afford or don't want to spend £££ going, I politely decline then just keep out of it.

RuggerHug Fri 06-May-16 11:27:02

How old are these people?!

RaeSkywalker Fri 06-May-16 11:31:53

Wow, they sound lovely!

I would definitely go to the weddings- I've always wanted to go to one with a massive budget just to see what it's like blush

Make it clear that you don't want to be invoked in the nastiness, it sounds exhausting. One of my best friends and I got married a month apart. It was lovely.

IpreferToblerone Fri 06-May-16 11:33:17

Do you think they will have long and happy marriages? 🤔🙄

whois Fri 06-May-16 11:36:41

If N can afford a FIFTEEN THOUSAND POUND engagement ring, then YES actually not having a free bar makes you look like a right cheap tight arse.

EssentialHummus Fri 06-May-16 11:37:12

I'm a "getting married in a hole wearing a sack" type and this all sounds mad to me. I think you should stay well clear and let them expend their energy on each other.

As to whether you attend / don't attend a particular hen do or whatever, it's really up to you. I wouldn't attend a hen do abroad, even if I could afford it. "Sorry, that doesn't suit me" / "I can't make it but would love to hear all about it when you're back" is fine.

As ever, I am baffled by wedding mania.

NannawifeofBaldr Fri 06-May-16 11:46:46

I wouldn't want to be friends with either of these women.

paxillin Fri 06-May-16 11:57:04

You've seen nothing yet, wait for the PFB competitions grin.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered Fri 06-May-16 11:58:03

Sorry OP, but YWBU not to go to BOTH wedding so that you can report back to us on the many excesses and dramas! grin

TheNaze73 Fri 06-May-16 12:04:46

They both sound hideous people. I remember about 15 years ago, 2 friends getting married quite close to each other. One had a flash do, with all the bells & whistles in a grand venue, it was so ostentatious. The other was a registry office, close friends only & a tiny evening do in a local village hall. You can guess, which couple is still together....

BillSykesDog Fri 06-May-16 12:19:01

Ironic, considering on MN 'wedding competitiveness' is normally people competing to show how little they give a shit and that they're getting married in a public lavatory wearing a hair shirt and a dishcloth for 50p.

Both types are just as irritating but I'm sure the latter sort will be out in force parading their virtue on this thread.

PedantPending Fri 06-May-16 12:23:09

Sounds like they both want the wedding rather than the marriage.

guiltynetter Fri 06-May-16 12:29:13

billsykes haha! that's so true, made me laugh

blindsider Fri 06-May-16 12:37:44

Sounds like they both want the wedding rather than the marriage.

That is sadly the problem here. You should have the wedding you want and if you do, you will be happy. Who gives a shit what others think about it.

MissBattleaxe Fri 06-May-16 12:38:39

Are either of them actually looking forward to marriage? Or do they just have wedding dresses where their irises used to be?

It baffles me how insane people turn when an ordinary man proposes marriage.

BillSykesDog Fri 06-May-16 12:50:01

You should have the wedding you want and if you do, you will be happy.

So how about if you want a wedding in a castle wearing a big meringue with a rock the size of Norfolk on your finger and eleventy billion bridesmaids?

SilverDragonfly1 Fri 06-May-16 12:56:30

Funnily enough, two of my friends are getting married very close to each other. One has chosen a hole in the ground as a venue and is wearing a sack and the other is going for a public lavatory with hairshirt and dishcloth ensemble.

What gifts should I be getting them?

PS Both venues are in Maui.

Sentedpants Fri 06-May-16 12:58:47

where the fuck do you work, how much do you earn and are there any jobs going?

Sentedpants Fri 06-May-16 12:59:50

Billysykes that they're getting married in a public lavatory wearing a hair shirt and a dishcloth for 50p grin

That really made me laugh.

BillSykesDog Fri 06-May-16 13:01:20

Silver slap one of them in the face and give the other one a bag of dogshit. If they don't like it they're ungrateful, entitled, selfish bridezillas.

Glamourgates Fri 06-May-16 13:14:34

Make one of those 'inspirational' memes saying comparison is the thief of joy and put it on Facebook.

Theimpossiblegirl Fri 06-May-16 13:15:30

I would invite them both round, give them a glass of wine, put on Bride Wars and sit back to watch.

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