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To ask what you would think about this?

(13 Posts)
rainbowinfusedspaceunicorn Fri 06-May-16 10:48:15

This is probably a really odd question but I really want to know from a total outsider's perspective how this sounds. First post in AIBU and I'm a little bit terrified but it seemed like the best place grin

So we have a man, we'll call him A. A's relative posted a Facebook (I know, sorry!) status asking if anyone was "allowed" contact with A and to ask him to ring them.
Would you infer from this that A had a controlling partner who tries to stop him having contact with his family? Or that this relative was either under that impression, or isn't really but was trying to make it sound that way (appreciate this is likely to depend on the individual and I have no idea which it's more likely to be either)? Or would you think nothing at all of it and that it was most likely just a questionable choice of word?
I'm not asking what you to try and help me make any assumptions about it if that makes sense, it's more that I want to know what other people might think if they saw a status like that iyswim?

Ftr A does have Facebook also and is friends with the relative so no reason they couldn't have just sent him a private message. Something about doing it publicly when a private option is available seems a bit off to me but not sure if that's an overreaction.

PeaceOfWildThings Fri 06-May-16 10:51:52

I'd think the person posting it was not familiar with facebook and that A might be in hospital. If I knew A well enough, I'd pm the person and ask why they though A needed permission from someone. Is A ok?

CaptainCrunch Fri 06-May-16 10:54:35

It could be anything. I would probably assume he was ill and person was wondering if he was up to being visited or contacted.

gobbynorthernbird Fri 06-May-16 10:55:24

My first thought would be that A was avoiding that person.

NotJanine Fri 06-May-16 10:57:56

I would think that they were maybe ill or had been arrested?

rainbowinfusedspaceunicorn Fri 06-May-16 10:58:11

Ah sorry. No A is fine, they just haven't been in contact with this relative for a while. It is a bit weird and there is a backstory which isn't really relevant since only A, the relatives and I know it afaik. I'm just concerned that people will think he has a partner that doesn't allow him to contact his family because of that status.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Fri 06-May-16 11:00:47

That's a big jump, I think. People will just presume there's no direct contact between the person who posted the status and A, probably because they've fallen out.

I don't think a controlling partner would come to mind at all unless people already have suspicions about the partner.

QuiteLikely5 Fri 06-May-16 11:04:17

I think it's a passive aggressive comment otherwise why on earth would they write it in the first place?

Especially since they are friends with him on FB anyway!

QforCucumber Fri 06-May-16 11:05:32

Honestly, if someone I knew put a status on fb saying 'anyone who is allowed to contact 'dave' get him to ring me' I'd think it some passive aggressive dig rather than him not actually bsing allowed to.

rainbowinfusedspaceunicorn Fri 06-May-16 11:11:15

That's reassuring. I'm A's partner in case it's not obvious enough already! Was trying to phrase it neutrally but it's easier to just say. And I wouldn't stop him seeing his family either, obviously. I've actually been trying to encourage him to get in touch, and I saw that status this morning and it seemed strange to me, but i'm involved so it's really good to see that other people wouldn't necessarily jump to that conclusion. I'm not sure why I thought of that, I've always had an impression that they don't like me so maybe thinking along the lines of it's easier for them to pin his lack of contact on me, but other people wouldn't know that so there could be lots of explanation to them. Well that's calmed me down thank you grin

EarthboundMisfit Fri 06-May-16 11:17:34

That wouldn't have occurred to me as an explanation. My thought was that A had decided to go NC with this relative, and the relative decided to make an arsey post a about it in public, making themselves look like a right tit in the process.

WorraLiberty Fri 06-May-16 11:17:47

Why not just post on it and ask what he means by 'allowed'? confused

It has to be easier than all this wondering.

rainbowinfusedspaceunicorn Fri 06-May-16 11:51:50

Because it doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. I really wouldn't want to start anything publicly on Facebook and DP's going to ring them (or said he would at least) so I don't really feel like I need to be involved, he'll set them straight if they do think I'm not "allowing" him to speak to them. I just wanted reassuring that anyone else who saw it wasn't likely to think I'm an awful controlling person that won't let him speak to his family but the general consensus seems to be no one would think that so it's all good smile

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