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To want a proper apology?!?

(15 Posts)
Kungfupandaworksout16 Thu 05-May-16 19:19:29

I have to be a bit vague so I don't out myself. But last night DP acted like a plonker (being inconsiderate by waking me up and baby is all I can really say without outing myself) I wasnt impressed and told him him. This morning his attempt at an apology was " I'm sorry you feel like that BUT " and goes into a speech of why he believes he's correct and why I shouldn't have told him off as such.He can NEVER bleeding just say look I'm sorry I was a plonker. Looking back on our time together he's never just said sorry it's always a "sorry you feel like that" So now we are sat here in silence and only speaking if we need too. AIBU in expecting a proper apology?!

Ragwort Thu 05-May-16 19:27:57

You can't make him apologise the way you want to hear it - it will be meaningless anyway if he just says the words he thinks you want him to hear.

You want him to change his mindset (& I can understand your point of view) but it is very, very hard to force someone to change.

The most useful thing I think I have ever learned in life is that you can't change anyone else's behaviour, only your own behaviour. So I guess the answer is to decide if this 'fault' in your DP is outweighed by his 'strengths' IYSWIM.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Thu 05-May-16 19:32:52


He obviously thinks he's right. You think you're right.

I'd get really annoyed if my Dh 'expected' an apology tbh.

NeedACleverNN Thu 05-May-16 19:36:13

What was he doing that woke you up?

I know you said you would be outed but I doubt it unless he came in dressed like burlesque dancer and tried to seduce you.

Yanbu to want an apology but yabu to expect in a particular way

Kungfupandaworksout16 Thu 05-May-16 19:38:01

Not really through. I know most people hate saying sorry or I was wrong him especially. And that's what my point is it isn't really an apology it's more of I'll say it too appease you because I hate admitting in wrong. And damn right I expect an apology when he woke the baby that's poorly at the minute and isn't sleeping as well as they should because he was being inconsiderate!

Kungfupandaworksout16 Thu 05-May-16 19:40:01

needaclevernn he went out for a few drinks with friends , entered the house stomping around - his friends waiting outside talking loudly and joking around. He then trips over twice , goes back onto the front and is on the front for 10 minutes having a loud conversation with his group of friends at gone 12 at night.

NeedACleverNN Thu 05-May-16 19:43:42

Eugh... Even without the baby that would piss me off.

However people who have had a drink are not the most elegant. They think they are being quiet when in reality no way.

Next time he comes in like that, point him in the direction of the sofa.

chickenowner Thu 05-May-16 19:46:22

I really hate the 'sorry you feel like that' apology, it's not actually an apology at all!

gamerchick Thu 05-May-16 19:49:10

I think I would actually think violent thoughts if someone repeatedly said 'I'm sorry you feel like that' never mind sticking a but in. It's dismissive!

BeckyWithTheMediocreHair Thu 05-May-16 19:49:46

My DH used to do this. It become not-so-jokingly known as a DH apology.

Every single time he did it, I pulled him up on it. He has now stopped but it took a while.

NeedACleverNN Thu 05-May-16 19:50:31

He does sound very selfish though

As in "I am entitled to go out and get pissed. If I then want to come home and bash around that's my choice. You need to sleep though it"

bakeoffcake Thu 05-May-16 19:58:05

Yanbu but you can't change what he actually thinks. He obviously thinks you don't deserve a proper apology.

Have you told him he hadn't apologised properly and never does?

ThroughThickAndThin01 Thu 05-May-16 19:59:34

Unless he does that with alarming regularity, I still think YABVU. And causing an atmosphere for the sake of it.

Rezolution123 Thu 05-May-16 20:12:24

He obviously does not care about your comfort and convenience, even though you have a baby to care for. Sounds immature and rather selfish?

Queenie73 Thu 05-May-16 20:17:14

"I'm sorry you feel like that" means "You are a neurotic little woman and I want you to STFU". I'm not sure I could stop myself from poking him in the eye!

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