To cancel Dentist for DD

[paperchase0verdone]

We have a dentist appointment booked for tomorrow which will be her yearly check up. The dentist fills me with dread ever since DD was about 6. She can throw the biggest tantrums you have ever seen.
Dentist has always been fantastic with her, but DD doesn't even give it a try. She needed a filling and happily took the injections to numb her but when they came to do it WOW!! Dentist fingers were nearly bitten off, tools thrown every where, screamed so loudly even I was shocked it came out of her. The dentist hadn't even started doing anything. Then from there just down hill, she will get in the chair, she will answer questions and smile and act like a well behaved child, until they need to do something. Last year she did need a tooth out. They numbed her up (again fine. Even I screw my face up at the injections!!) and then they went to take it out. My DP walked out of the dentist with our DS as DD throw the biggest sh!t fit I have ever seen! She was screaming for me , I was holding her hand and was near her, she sounded like she was being murdered. Again, before anything happened! DD is going to high school soon, she has started her period and is a mature girl, is trustworthy and everything. Yet turns into a 3 year old when it comes to anything like this! (Doctors is another story too!!) I spoke to DD early and her reaction straight away was 'I'm going to kick off, you know that don't you?' When I tried explaining how things are to her, she started crying, threw a paddy and slammed her door. I can see it in her face that tomorrow we are in for it. She is going to cause a drama and it is so bloody embarrassing! Should I cancel the appointment and just leave her?

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

How old is she now?

[paperchase0verdone]

Sorry, she is 10. 11 next month

[Xmasbaby11]

It does sound hard work, but there's a chance she will need treatment so you can't let her teeth go unchecked.

[Whatthefreakinwhatnow]

Is it genuine fear or is she putting it on?

Because if that was my DD, I'd be seriously embarrassed and angry about her behaviour and would impose serious sanctions for it.

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

I would not be pleading with her ,I would tell her VERY firmly that she WILL be seeing the dentist, it is not an option. If she is scared she needs to talk it through but carrying on like that at her age would be punishable in this house - removal of phone,grounding or whatever.

If you don't get it cracked it'll be even worse next time.

[paperchase0verdone]

Swear it's giving me anxiety!

[Dvallin]

Is it a children's dentist you are seeing?

Perhaps they could offer gas sedation? It's not terribly cheap, but worth it. You might need to reschedule though.

[paperchase0verdone]

I swear she puts it on. She likes to see me embarrassed. I know that sounds stupid but I believe she likes to see me get in a state!

We do give out punishments. I told her that her laptop will be taken (her phone was removed a while ago! Still hasn't got that back)

Thing is, DD wouldn't actually care! No matter what punishments are dished out, she still does it.

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

Go to the dentist and ask for a referral to the community dentist.

My DH is a dentist and is used to working with nervous patients/children etc but wouldn't put up with that from a 10 - 11 year old unless there was some kind of underlying issue. Does your DD know how painful a human bite is? Fucking sore. Plus it disrupts all the timings for other patients

The community dentists are given longer so they can deal with difficult situations - if there are underlying issues

If not, I think you sit your DD down and explain that her behaviour is unacceptable. The due rust is trying to help her and is entitled to go to work without 10 year olds nearly biting him/her.

Our oldest DC is only 3 but I woukd find any DC saying that they were going to "kick off" in the way your DD has to be threatening to embarrass you with her bad behaviour and I would not find that acceptable.

The other alternative is that you don't take her to the debtist but if she needs treatment in particular that is actually neglectful so I wouldn't go down that route. However, to mitigate the needs for visits I would ensure that her diet includes no sugary drinks and sweets etc are kept to a minimum. Also make sure she us brushing well etc

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

You can't sedate a child who is badly behaved! The GDC woukd strike you off! The parent needs to manage the child's behaviour.

If there are underlying issues - genuine ones, not just brat problems - the community dentists can help.

[paperchase0verdone]

We live in a village Dvallin so it is the only one we have. They are pretty kid friendly. They do take their time and make them feel easy. As I said, DS is happy to go, never had a problem with him. Just DD

[Whatthefreakinwhatnow]

I wouldn't go in with her then, at 10 she can go in on her own for a check up- see I f she still acts up without the audience.

When she clocks that you aren't following her in, tell her you are bored of her performances and so won't be watching another one, see you in a bit!

[TopPony]

Would she behave better if she was to go with your DH instead?

[diddl]

Do you think that she does it deliberately?

Does the dentist calmly explain to her what is happening?

I hate going to the dentist.

Had a sedative last time I had a filling.

Will it just be for a check up & no treatment?

If so, she should go & you should reassure her as to what will/won't happen on that occasion, as should the dentist imo.

I had/have a fear that even for a check up they will spring some treatment on me.

It's totally irrational.

I know that it won't happen, but ut still has me in sweats & gripping the chair white knukle fashion.

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

If she's only 10, there could be consent problems for treatment of a parent isn't present.

However, I would say you are going in to monitor her behaviour. If she acts up without good reason, there will be a sanction. Make it a serious one and stick to it

[stayathomegardener]

I struggle to see that it is genuine fear if she can remain calm in the chair prior to treatment.
"I'm going to kick off you know that" I would take as a threat and all sympathy would be lost.
I would get your DH to take her as you may be albeit unwittingly encouraging her behaviour with your anxiety.
And yes sanctions, it is not nice for other patients and the poor dentist.

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

Don't get in a state then. Be Mrs Firm from Firmville.

[Dvallin]

It sounds more like panic than bad behaviour though.

Just because she can predict her own reaction, it doesn't follow that she can control it.

Did she have the filling/extraction done last time?

I'm sure a private paediatric dentist would agree to gas sedation to get the work done.

[NoCakeLeft]

Have you tried to just leave the building and ask them to call you when they're done? Maybe that would work?
Or just leave it until she gets proper pain. Then she will be happy to go to the dentist.

[whois]

Are there underlying SEN issues?? Because that behavior is extreme.

I would explain the consequences of her actions. If she won't behave for the dentist, then you will have to take appropriate actions to ensure her teeth stay healthy.

• No drinks other than water
  
• No sweets
  
• No chocolate
  
• No sugary puddings like fruit yogurts
  
• Brushing her teeth after every meal as well as in the morning and before bed

[paperchase0verdone]

There is no underlying problem with her. It's like she reverts back to being 5.

I don't want her sedated as it's kind of giving in to her? I don't pussy foot around her at all.

I know this child, and no matter what punishment is given to her or promised to her, she will make sure she does this in style!

She doesn't have sugary drinks, no sweets and her diet is healthy. We don't allow anything junk wise in the house, whether she eats them out of my home is different, I know Nan can sometimes sneak them both stuff when I'm at work and she looks after them.

[darbylou]

If you feel as if she's doing it to cause embarrass you into letting her go without a visit then I'd make her go. Lay down the law, tell her she's going and will let the dentist examine her and that because of her behaviour the last time she went she'll be going in alone.

Has she good oral hygiene paperchase? or is it just the dentist part she avoids?

[Teacherontherun]

I would ask for a chaperone and let her go on her own.

[paperchase0verdone]

I know this is probably going to come across as bad, but DD does do a lot for attention. She always has done. She did have someone come in to deal with her 'issues' before , when she was younger. It's like she enjoys my pain!

DP has refused to take DD as usually takes them both. DD has caused to much agro for DP to put up with now.

DD had a filling done years ago, she chipped a tooth so they put a filling in. I can't even say that caused her to react like this because she done all this crap before hand.
She will constantly moan about tooth ache. This tooth hurts. This one is wobbly.

DD will kick of whether I'm there or not.

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

What was the extraction for? Decay? If she's had a filling and an extraction on the bounce, that sounds like she's having a lot more sugar than you are aware of. Most decay is diet related so I would speak to her nan

It's the number of intakes that is the problem so if she is being fed 100gs of chocolate a road 2 hours, that's worse than 100g in one go

For everyone's sake, I'd tell her that her dreadful behaviour means that prevention is even more important for her so diet overhaul is coming and you are supervising her teeth cleaning.

In the meantime, she's goi g to the dentist tomorrow