WIBU to have asked why he did this?(8 Posts)
Am going through a tough time at home.
Not going into loads of detail about it.
But want to focus on this one conversation.
Yesterday H was doing some sweeping. For context: I can't lift the beds out to sweep right behind and underneath so he does this every now and again. This is what he was doing g - not the everyday sweeping that I do. Everyday.
There is a rocking toy in dc's room. It is something that gets played periodically.
H said he would like me to sell it as they don't seem bothered about it. I said I wasn't prepared to just yet as DS (20 months) is still interested in it, that he often comes and plays on it on his own.
10 mins later I go into bedroom to find the rocking toy has been moved, to a back corner, put under a box and a trunki and barricaded In Basically. No way that DS could possibly get to it and it would be difficult for me to get out for him to play with it.
I asked H why it was there and he said to create space as now there was empty floor space where it had been originally. I explained that that made no sense. The reason I had kept it where it was was because DS could get to it and I also did say that I didn't understand why seeing as we had just had a whole conversation about it he would then move it like that.
He flipped out basically. He started shouting how I was creating an issue out of nothing. I had come I purely to start a fight. It was all my fault. I had stopped him from cleaning by starting a fight.
I thought I was perfectly reasonable to say something?
I answered back stating that it was fair for me to say something and I wanted to understand how thought process behind his actions and that I disagreed about the extra 'space' as it is in a corner.
He started swearing. Grumbling 'fucks sake' and muttering. I asked him not to swear and he started shouting again.
Long and short of it is: he is saying I was unreasonable to question his actions and by doing so I started a fight so I am in the wrong and he was being bullied by me.
This morning I'm thinking... I was being bullied? WIBU to question him?
Why on earth wouldn't you question him.
It's a rocking style toy that needs to be accessed. What use is it stuck under a pile of other stuff.
It's like a petty stomp because you didn't agree to sell it.
I'm guessing there is more going on though.
DH said they didn't seem to bother with the toy. You said DS quite often plays on the toy on his own. Did this not really register with him/ can't really be true as he has not witnessed DS on the toy with his own eyes? Kind of like somebody asking if you locked the door, and you saying yes definitely, and them immediately pulling the handle to check anyway? One off- no huge biggie. Happens a lot- annoying, undermining, worth what the Americans call a "Come to Jesus" talk.
If that is exactly how it happened you are absolutely NBU as he has heard your clear and unambiguous opinion and gone out of his way, at some considerable inconvenience to himself in terms of physical exertion and to no clear benefit, to show that your opinion and preferences are absolutely and in every way irrelevant to him.
At 20 months, I'd expect your ds to play with it MORE as he gets older.
As for the rest of it: I posted a while back that tired parents with no money or sex life resort to fighting as a default entertainment. This may be what he's doing here. It needs to stop right now.
Sorry, just realised I left something out.
Part way through this he roughly and angrily got the toy back out and out it where it had originally been. And then got more annoyed that I was many immediately placated.
Of course by this point the argument was more about him yelling at me and telling me that as he had 'been bullied into me getting my own way' I needed to shut up now. What more was there for me to say? I just wanted to argue.
Well I would feel like he really just doesn't like me very much.
What's he like normally?
Sounds like this has been a build up. He is pissed off with your "nagging"? He was perhaps trying to help by sweeping and clearing space and you just had a go at him
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