Hello,
I hope this is the right place to post (I found this website very recently!)
My son is 12 (Yr 7) and is struggling a lot. He was quite popular at Primary School - lots of friends, etc. but still isn't fitting in at Secondary :(
I thought he would, but it was just taking some time. However, since October, he has really started to hate school. He is really shy... Some boys started laughing at him, saying that he was a loser, etc. because he had no friends. My son began to go to the library (during break/lunch) and made a few friends in there - he began to like school more. However, then lessons became really hard - some boys began to break his pens/pencils/ruler; they even stole his phone and smashed the screen. I spoke to his Form Tutor (the 1st point of contact) who told me that he couldn't do anything, due to him not being allowed to carry a phone. I was a little surprised, but decided to leave it, hoping that it had been noted.
Loads of incidents began to happen - his pants were being pulled down; he was being pushed; he was being prodded with scissors, etc.
I spoke to his Form Tutor again - he said that I needed to write the incidents down... I then gave the notes to his Head of Year; she made my son write a statement. The boys denied doing any of it (obviously) and she said that she'll keep an eye out.
Just before a PE lesson, my son spoke to his PE teacher and said that he was too scared to get changed in the normal changing room. The teacher called the bullies out and said "you promise you won't scare (son's name), as he thinks you will?" which was an awful way to handle it! They then kept tripping him up, throughout the lesson, resulting in my son needing an X-Ray. I went to his Head of Year again, who told my son to write another statement - the boys denied it again... She said she'll keep an eye out. I told her that she hadn't been, or that she's trying to and it isn't working and I asked what else could be done. She said that nothing can be done, at the moment, due to her not knowing who is telling the truth. The PE teacher denied ever seeing the boys tripping him up, which I struggle to believe, due to him needing an X-Ray on his wrist - after all, the boys are Gifted & Talented for PE, so maybe he doesn't want them to get into trouble, who knows?
Anyway, his Head of Year put they all on report, including my son, so she can see what their teachers say. That day, my son was locked in a cupboard; punched in the stomach and told to kill himself - nothing was ever noted on these reports, due to them happening between lesson changes.
My little boy began getting an upset stomach/vomiting - his doctor said it was due to fear/nerves. I took the doctor's note into school - his Head of Year began questioning my son about home life and asking if he is making the stuff up, due to it really being something else. I was fuming. I got the Deputy Head involved (the Head was just too busy for bullying incidents - their words) and she said that they will keep an eye on the situation - she also spoke to the bullies.
That lunch time, when my son was on the way to the library, 5 children from Yr 11 (who are relatives of the bullies in my son's year) dragged him to the back of the library - stole his money/threw him to the ground/hit him in the face... My son came out from the back of the library, with a bleeding nose, a TA came over to him - he shouted words along the line of "I'm so fucking done - why are none of you helping me?"
She immediately took him to Head of Years' and said that he needs to be kept in isolation for the rest of the afternoon, due to him swearing. He went to talk to his Head of Year to explain, which she then replied "I'm not willing to listen, if you're not willing to respect staff..."
He broke down in tears and begged to call me, they refused. He walked out of the isolation room (which means automatic suspension)... I came and collected him - he threw himself into my arms, in absolute tears. The Head said "I'll deal with you on Thursday..." and we left. I'm just lost. My son is lost - he is depressed/suffering from constant upset stomach, etc. due to the constant fear. I have tried to cooperate with the school. My son has tried to take their word for it; he has faced school for 7 months, being bullied. Yes, he swore, it wasn't right, I know, but I didn't punish him, I'm okay with you thinking that I should, but I physically can't - my son is absolutely broken.
Please help, what would you do? :(
AIBU?
Bullying: should I just take him out of school? Please help - desperate for advice!
CharlieJamie · 05/05/2016 00:59
Please pull your son out of school. I have no real experience of schools as my ds is only a toddler, this is serious bullying I was bullied not half as badly in school and I still have slight anxiety about new people if it was me I wouldn't send my ds back there ever and I find out who to complain to I've heard people on mumsnet say who you go to above the school hopefully someone with actual experience will be along soon but please dont send your son back this is terrible and the schools way of dealing with it is a disgrace. 
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Hello OP
reading this made me very very sad for your poor ds.
When I was at school, I had no friends st all. (One in primary but none in secondary) and like your son was terribly bullied. It started off as little things: picking on my physical appearance, putting my school books in the sink during lessons to make them wet etc and escalated into smashing my face so hard against a mirror the mirror broke. Like your ds I tried to hide in the library at breaks/lunchtimes. Like your sons school, mine were rubbish, and the teachers were horrible to me too (told me and my mum my written work was disgusting and I didn't deserve to be in the classroom or to learn!) the reason I'm telling you all this is to urge you to pull your son out of that environment. My schooling days had such a negative impact on my self esteem and self worth, I left school with no qualifications (1 c at GCSEs) but when I retook them two years later I got 2as 3bs and a C and I'm still now frightened on buses and things, despite working as a HCP.
This has turned into an essay, but hopefully it will help you make a decision. 
for your son and 
for you.
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Can I just say that it's so wonderful to hear of a mother doing something about it, believing her son and taking steps to keep him safe. You have every right never to send him back, you should be proud OP you're doing the right thing
Cockwombles.
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