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To ask you to help me calm down and give me the courage to do this

(31 Posts)
Rosenrot30 Wed 04-May-16 23:01:32

We have just come across something really shocking and something that could potentially destroy the narcissistic abusive family we have gone no contact with. Never did we think things were this bad and now we have to take further action with the police because what we have found demands action, problem is we are bricking it because have no idea of the repercussion's of this, the family is full of full blown narcissists who will do anything to protect the family name but there is someone in danger and because of that we can not pretend like nothing has happened. I am so full of adrenaline at the thought of this getting out and it scaring the crap out of my dh too. I need to calm down but cant I am hyper with nervous energy

What would you do if you were in a situation where if you did nothing that would make you as bad or an enabler of the person in the wrong but to do the right thing would be to incur the wrath of a large crazy family?

Cheby Wed 04-May-16 23:04:20

If some one is in danger then you have to act, surely?

Champagneformyrealfriends Wed 04-May-16 23:04:34

Can you speak up anonymously?

DayToDayGlobalShit Wed 04-May-16 23:05:01

Are you absolutely 100 percent certain that what you have found out is true firstly?

Oysterbabe Wed 04-May-16 23:05:53

We need to know what the danger is I think.

hownottofuckup Wed 04-May-16 23:09:22

If you believe someone is in danger, then you have to act.

NoCakeLeft Wed 04-May-16 23:10:36

can you move and then report it?

UterusUterusGhali Wed 04-May-16 23:10:52

What is it?

If you are nc it won't make a difference to your relationship will it?

Rinoachicken Wed 04-May-16 23:12:18

Crime stoppers?

Hissy Wed 04-May-16 23:12:42

How old is the person in danger?

Babymamamama Wed 04-May-16 23:12:43

Report it. If there are victims they will need protecting. You can report via police or social services. Explain your fears so they can support you as necessary.

echelon Wed 04-May-16 23:12:49

Know your facts.
Screw up your courage and do the right thing by the person who is in danger.

Wouldn't you want someone to do the same for you if you were in danger?

Let them bring on the crazy if that's what will happen. At least you'll be able to sleep at night.

Tiopyn Wed 04-May-16 23:13:09

I think that to ask this you already know that taking action is the best thing, it's just finding the courage to act on it!
Nor saying it will be easy, and I feel for your position.
Best of luck, and take what strength you can!

Gazelda Wed 04-May-16 23:15:12

Can you report anonymously? Could you live with your conscience if you did nothing and then your worst fears came to fruition and someone ended up hurt?

mummyto2monkeys Wed 04-May-16 23:17:31

If someone is in danger, especially if it is a child then you definitely need to act. However I would do so carefully and try to be objective. Make sure that the information that you provide is accurate and not embellished with prior opinions of family. I would be careful about calling the whole family narcissistic and focus instead on the bare facts. Be prepared for them to lie though, my IL's are a narcissistic family, to the point that mil committed perjury and was charged by the police for lying to them when they had proof/ witnesses of her crime. She still managed to manipulate herself out of a heavier punishment through lying. Although she now has a criminal record.

Make sure that all evidence can be verified and that nothing can be twisted and turned on yourselves. Also be prepared for all hell to break loose, they will slander your name and try to turn everyone against you.

Canyouforgiveher Wed 04-May-16 23:19:14

Don't overthink it. Don't think about repercussions or what might happen etc. You aren't responsible for anything more than the particular decision in front of you.

Just look at the particular moral decision in front of you. Should a good person report in these circumstances? If the answer is yes, then do it and let the chips fall where they may.

CodyKing Wed 04-May-16 23:23:40

Are you in contact with the person in danger?

Also - this may be a tiny piece of already documented evidence - it could be a small jigsaw of a larger picture -

If you know then others maybe brave enough to come forward

AnthonyPandy Wed 04-May-16 23:23:50

You must act according to your morals. When you know what to do, do it quickly so you don't/can't change your mind.

notapizzaeater Wed 04-May-16 23:25:46

Think about what could happen if you dint do anything then report it.

AddToBasket Wed 04-May-16 23:31:01

Agree. Don't overthink this.

Whatever professional you pass this information on to will be better equipped to deal with it than you. Get it off your plate and onto someone better placed to deal with it.

mummyto2monkeys Wed 04-May-16 23:31:35

I hope that you didn't think I was putting you off. You must do this, you will not be able to live with yourself if you don't inform the police. I was only fore warning as I know how quickly this kind of situation can escalate so I advise being prepared and ready with a united front.

AnotherTimeMaybe Wed 04-May-16 23:32:33

I'd act anonymously, but noway id let anyone be in danger

WhereYouLeftIt Wed 04-May-16 23:42:19

Maybe you will incur their wrath. But I think I'd rather deal with that, than have to look at myself in the mirror every day knowing I threw somebody else under the bus to save myself sad. When you go to the police, also inform them that you anticipate retaliation and ask for their advice.

Best wishes OP flowers.

Rosenrot30 Wed 04-May-16 23:46:30

I am definitely acting on this, I have solid proof and someone very vulnerable is in danger, this family is extremely abusive but will also close ranks if they think the family name is in danger. I could not live with myself if I did nothing the problem with this family is even if we i it anonymously they would still automatically assume it was us and punish us accordingly, they thought we called social services on them (we dint but blamed us simply because we had had an argument with someone in the family at the time) They have physically and emotionally abused my husband is whole life and almost destroyed our family with their lies, gas lighting and manipulations and they have already destroyed our reputation to
all and sundry, e scared of the repercussions on him he has suffered enough with

Maryz Wed 04-May-16 23:58:19


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