Birthday present now out of stock

[PegsPigs]

Back story is I'm mainly the one who researches big purchases. DH previously had a job for 2 years (teacher) where he had little free time so it all fell to me. For the last year he's worked 9-5 essentially with all non work time free.

Gradually over this time I've asked him to help our sorting stuff. DD birthday party, baptism etc. Both of those examples went brilliantly. We're having work done on the garden (organised by me) and I asked him to sort out the garden furniture. He found the perfect set which I thanked him for and said what a great job he'd done. As it's my birthday coming up I said anyone who asks him for ideas to ask for money towards the set. We were always going to get it but given it's nearly my birthday, I'm not particularly in need of anything and I'm on maternity leave so could do with a contribution to that (we have totally joint funds) rather than stuff I don't need.

Fast forward 2 weeks. He's just told me it's out of stock. I assumed as we had the conversation 2 weeks ago and Ebay said 'Almost gone' he would have just bought it and banked any money contributed to it (parents, siblings etc)

Nope. Apparently he was waiting for everyone's money to come in before buying it. Despite the fact we were going to buy it anyway and the fact it was low stock. He's annoyed at me being disappointed because he says I should have pointed out it said 'Almost gone'. I'm annoyed at him that he didn't just buy it when he saw it - it really was perfect and a great price hence why it's all gone

Who is being unreasonable?

[FourEyesGood]

I don't thing we needed the back story.
Sounds like a pointless thing to be cross about, especially if nothing can be done to change it. Move on.

[Skittlesss]

You both are. You should have just told him to go ahead and buy it. Sometimes men need our guidance (telling what to do) on these things, hahaha. Bet he feels bad now.

[PegsPigs]

His argument is that I should have pointed out it was almost gone. I refute that. He's an adult!

[Lighteningirll]

Good grief I think your hormones are driving this, it really isn't an issue just pick another set

[MilkTwoSugarsThanks]

I can understand your reaction if you yourself are perfect and have never ever made a mistake. Otherwise YABU.

However, pregnancy hormones or lack of sleep sometimes make us flip out over weird shit so your unreasonableness is actually understandable.

You'll look back on this in a few years time and think "what the fuck was I thinking?"

Hope you find another set you live even more.

[MumOnTheRunCatchingUp]

Jesus! How much money were you expecting to 'come in'?

Is giving birthday money to grown adults a thing ? Especially as op seems to expect it from other than just parents

[PegsPigs]

He does have form for doing half arsed jobs so I take the task back and do it myself. Our bathroom is a disaster because of the slap dash job he did painting it so there's paint all over the white woodwork which he's not inclined to repaint. And on the tiles. And the toilet roll holder. And the radiator. I painted the same bathroom 5 years ago and there was no damage to any of those things when I did it so I know it can be done when done 'properly'

I hear what you say about me not being perfect. I think the difference is I try for 100% but he admits he tries 70% (the figure he came up with) and so a lot of what he attempts does fall short of my expectations because he doesn't actually put the effort in or care.

[PegsPigs]

Mum both parents c£100 plus 3 siblings £20 PILS usually give me a gift card for a shop I don't shop in & I give my mum some ideas of what I might like a handbag (like from Debenhams not Louis Bitton! ) or a hand held vacuum cleaner (!) Siblings might buy jewellery or a top or something.

[gamerchick]

This is a none issue, it really isn't. Pick another one and let it go.

Please don't get into a row where you chuck every little annoying thing he's ever done at him with a chorus of how he's useless on purpose to get out of doing stuff, it chips away at a persons self esteem.

[80sMum]

Just choose a different set! Not worth getting worked up about.

[blueskyinmarch]

It is hardly a world shattering disaster. It is some chairs and a table for the garden. There are loads to choose from. I am willing to bet you will even find the one your liked elsewhere. If you knew that one was low stock why didn’t you just order it?

[meffhead]

I thought we were talking about a garden set for kids birthday !!!! Sorry OP this is a non event... A grown up won't get the present they want on their birthday !!!

[HermioneJeanGranger]

I thought this was going to be a present for a small child!

Really, does it matter? He probably didn't want to buy it unless he knew he had the funds to cover it, which is completely reasonable. What if someone doesn't give you money this year?

YABU.

[00100001]

YABU its a table set. You're an adult. You can get a garden set whenever you like for your birthday. It's not like you promised a trip to Disney to an excited 8 year old and then had to disappoint them on their birthday


Wait for it to b ein stock again and buy it then. Or just look for another one.


There's no need to get upset over furniture really, is there?

[memyselfandaye]

I also think you are being unreasonable, it wasn't going to be a suprise so you should have just bought it yourself if you already had the money to do so.

[whois]

If you'd never mentioned your birthday then people would have been much more sympathetic OP! It's like a crime on MN to receive gifts.

You both wanted he furniture. It was a good price. He didn't get it when it said 'low stock'. It's now sold out. He said you should have told him to buy immediately.

I think you're not being U and he should have bought it asap. However we had a similar garden furniture fiasco (but there was no blame) and we shall be ever searching for chairs as good as the lovely cheap ones we missed out on, so I feel your pain.

[PegsPigs]

Yep I wish I had just bought it myself.

[acasualobserver]

There are many stories of husbands' terrible deeds related on MN. This isn't one of them. Buy some different garden furniture. Or sit on the grass.

[AnchorDownDeepBreath]

I think if you wanted it you should have just bought it, especially once you'd cleared it with him.

As you said to use it for anyone who wasnt sure what to buy you, you risked nobody asking or paying and not getting it. It became a "nice to have" thing, rather than something you actually want.

He might have a history of not putting the effort in but I don't think this is related, this is just a case of you having unusual expectations about who buys what and how. I think what he's done is quite typical - wait for the money to be in before you buy presents from other people. You may have intended to buy it anyway but if it was that important that you had that specific art, you'd have bought it when you found it? Both of you decided to leave it for later.

[diddl]

If it could have been afforded without waiting for the money from others then I'm with you Op.

Of course you are disappointed & I think it's awful of him to be annoyed with you for feeling that way.

So I would say HIBU.

It's obviously not worth arguments over though.

Hope you find another that you like.

[PegsPigs]

Thanks whois that sums it up perfectly. It it first world problems but he'd done such a brilliant job finding the perfect set for the perfect price. Not fussed about having it for my actual birthday. I think that may have distracted him as if I'd not mentioned the birthday he'd probably have bought it straight away. I didn't know he was going to wait as I know we have the money as I set the budget in our house.

[PastaLaFeasta]

This is the sort of thing my DH would do. He thought so much about my 30th birthday gift and I dropped loads of hints (emailed links) but his procrastination never ended and he bought nothing. He didn't even book the restaurant for a nice family lunch or dinner with babysitter which I specifically asked for. Even the following year, after sending a link to an item and pointing out it was a limited time offer resulted in nothing. It's partly because he doesn't find this stuff important personally and fails to see this from the other side. It's partly because he's a procrastinator and making decisions is hard. It happens in other situations too and can make it feel like you're alone in making tough decisions - holidays, decorating, buying a house, choosing a school for the kids. It's not team work/a partnership.

[BarbaraofSeville]

It's a table set, you're an adult, just buy what you need when you need it rather than tenuously linking it to your birthday. Once you've researched what you want and found it at a good price, you might as well just buy it or risk it selling out, as you have found.

YABU - birthday presents for adults with their own money are unnecessary. You are just passing money round with your siblings/parents. Why not stop and just give flowers, booze, chocolates or go out for a meal somewhere?

Your DH is also unreasonable - providing that he has functioning eyes and brain he could have seen the limited stock for himself and been able to work out that he should have bought the table set 2 weeks ago.

Lesson learned all round. Ikea usually have decent garden furniture at good prices BTW.

[diddl]

Why is it all Ops fault that she didn't tell him to get the stuff?

He was the one who had found it, why didn't he just order it?

Why did Op's bday being mentioned cause a problem??

[BarbaraofSeville]

I also don't see the point of emailing links to people Pasta.

If you have to say 'buy me X item from Y shop' you have done all the work yourself and you might as well just do the tiny last step and buy the thing yourself.

Your DH is not putting any thought or effort into clicking your link to buy so it's not a present really is it?