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To be really pissed off?

(36 Posts)
ARV1981 Tue 03-May-16 23:38:16

My mother in law is brilliant and has offered to take care of ds two days a week. I am 100% appreciative of her offer. She has also made the same offer to my brother in law and his partner, to take their dd on the same days.

I am 100% behind this. I think it would be lovely for the children to get to know each other and to spend time with their grandma.

But... My brother in law and his girlfriend are coming up with all sorts of objections...

1. They don't want it at their house. Apparently it's because mil likes the heat on (though mil says she won't have the heat on, especially this time of year and plans to take the children to playgroups etc)
2. They don't want to drive both children to mil's house around 15 miles away (I suggested that they drop the children off and I'd pick them up as I start at 7.30am so can't really do the morning) apparently it costs too much (!)
3. They don't like the car seat i bought... They don't want to switch it between the three cars (mine, theirs and mils) even though its designed for this, got 81% on which review and I've paid for it and haven't asked for them to chip in (blood out of stone, and to be frank, I just want ds and dn to be safe!)
4. Every suggestion I've come up with they've vetoed.

Mil has breathing problems and we live on a hill so she's said she would prefer not to do it at our house. We're also in a parking permit zone with stupid restrictions meaning that we only get 60 24hr permits a year (50p each) which wouldn't be enough for two days a week, so even if mil said "ok, I'll deal with the hill" it wouldn't be possible.

I just don't know what to suggest!

Today I asked my mum if she'd take ds one day, and I don't know what to do about the other... I could find another childminder, but it's not something we've budgeted for (we would do it though). Mil was upset about this idea...

Aibu to have given up trying to find a solution to suit us all and just try to sort something for my ds and let them sort themselves out? I am really fed up with it!

I feel really bad for mil - she's made a generous offer of her time and bil ad his gf are just taking it for granted! It's gt to the point where I'd rather just do my own thing so as to not deal with them!

VimFuego101 Tue 03-May-16 23:42:22

Are you sure your MIL is up to taking care of young kids? You say she's not up to walking up a hill... Anyway, that aside... YANBU. She's made a generous offer and she, not your BIL and SIL, is the one who should get to lay out her terms.

ARV1981 Tue 03-May-16 23:46:48

Mil definitely wants to look after the children. She is capable, just has problems breathing due to a tracheotomy scar. I think she could walk up the hill, she thinks she would struggle with the double pushchair. I can understand that. Mil is not the problem (apart from that she's allowing bil and his gf to dictate the terms).

DrunkenMissOrderly Tue 03-May-16 23:48:37

I'm confused. Why can't you take up the offer? If bil doesn't want to then so why does that stop you?

PattiLevin Tue 03-May-16 23:49:22

They are being numpties. Going round there and and giving a quick kick up each arse out of the question? I will do it. Are you in the south? I'm really in the mood.

WorraLiberty Tue 03-May-16 23:52:34

I'm not sure why you can't take up the offer either? Although tbh, I'm not sure I'd leave my MIL to look after 2 young kids if she had difficultly getting up a hill for example.

What input has your dh had?

Why not see if he can persuade your BIL and SIL to stop being twats?

tabulahrasa Tue 03-May-16 23:57:36

It sounds like they don't want her to look after their DD...but I don't understand why that impacts on whether she looks after your DS?

ARV1981 Tue 03-May-16 23:58:20

They want the offer. I don't know how the want it to work though because the facts are:

Mil would find it difficult at our house (hill) and there are parking restrictions.

They don't want it at their house

They don't want to drop the children off at mil house because they say petrol costs too much (! Free childcare!!!)

I think they want me to ferry the children to mil house. But I start at 7.30 am and would have to leave my house with ds at 5.30 to get to work on time if I had to drive across the city to pick up their dd. I also don't think it would be fair on me! Or mil to be defended on at 7am by two children!

ARV1981 Tue 03-May-16 23:58:53


Brokenbiscuit Wed 04-May-16 00:00:23

They may not want MIL to care for their dc, but not want to say so. Family childcare is fab when it works well but it doesn't suit everyone.

It doesn't really matter what their reasons are, they're under no obligation to say yes if the arrangement doesn't suit them. Can't you just accept your MIL's kind offer for your own DC?

Or were you expecting BIL/SIL to provide a suitable venue/help with transport.

HeffalumpHistory Wed 04-May-16 00:01:07

What Drunken said

ARV1981 Wed 04-May-16 00:03:18

They need the childcare more than I do. I have a sort-of back up plan - my mum on one of the days and I'd have to find something for the other day.

Mil is definitely capable. The hill I steep and I would find it tough with the double buggy tbh. I can see where she's coming from!

Brokenbiscuit Wed 04-May-16 00:05:08

OK, so essentially you're pissed off because they don't want to host MIL and your DC or do the morning drop-off, and that means you'd have to do both drop-offs and pick-ups yourself?

Unfortunate, given the circumstances, but I guess that's your problem not theirs. Sounds like they'd find it easier to just pay for local childcare. 15 miles every day is a long way...

JennyHolzersGhost Wed 04-May-16 00:06:45

I don't understand why your MIL can't just look after your child and leave them to sort themselves out - ?

Brokenbiscuit Wed 04-May-16 00:07:16

Well, if they need the childcare more than you do, it's up to them to find a solution, isn't it?

If you can't accept MIL's offer without their assistance, I'd go ahead and make alternative arrangements.

WorraLiberty Wed 04-May-16 00:08:01

Just drop your kids at your MILs and pick them up.

Let them sort their own childcare if that doesn't suit them.

ARV1981 Wed 04-May-16 00:20:04

Broken biscuits - I have suggested that I drop my ds off at mils. I can't drive across the city to them to pick up their DD and then back out again before work. I would have to leave at really stupid o'clock...

I am not relying on them at all. I can get ds to mils. I just can't pick up their DD. I could drop my ds at their house as its on my way to work. And they could take the two children to mils. I would pick the children up after work. I am not suggesting they do more than me. The fact is they live the other side of the city so I would have a massive long journey if I picked up their DD!

I am not expecting anything of them in terms of the venue. They are the ones saying they don't want to take the children to mils, or have them at their house... I can only have them at our house one day a week because of parking permits.

ARV1981 Wed 04-May-16 00:23:12

It's not every day. Ot would be two days a week.

MarthaCliffYouCunt Wed 04-May-16 00:23:37

Stop worrying about them. Make your arrangements with MIL for DS and let them sort out their own childcare.

DrunkenMissOrderly Wed 04-May-16 00:24:40

Then leave them out of the equation. The only thing you have to worry about is your childcare. Let them worry about theirs. If you are happy to except mils offer then do so. That's it.

DrunkenMissOrderly Wed 04-May-16 00:24:55

Accept. Dammit!

Brokenbiscuit Wed 04-May-16 00:25:22

OK, sorry, I misunderstood.

But then, I don't really understand your issue? confused Can't you just thank MIL for her kind offer and say that you'll drop your own DC at her house in the morning and pick up again in the evening? Why do you need to ask your mum or a childminder?

Sorry if I'm missing something, but I don't see the problem from your point of view. Obviously, there are ongoing challenges for your BIL/SIL but that's for them to sort out.

ArmfulOfRoses Wed 04-May-16 00:27:34

Won't she just have yours then?
Accept her offer and let the others sort themselves out.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe Wed 04-May-16 00:28:00

So your MIL has offered childcare and this pair have decided they'd like this to take place in your home? But that's not what was offered is it? I really don't get it, why do you need to do anything other than agree drop off and pick up times for your DC with MIL?

Inertia Wed 04-May-16 00:35:50

I don't understand why this is your problem?

You can take your child to MILs. Your BIL and SIL can take their children to their own choice of childcare provider if they don't want to drive their own children to MIL.

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