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suspected eating disorder?

(8 Posts)
Brosie12 Mon 02-May-16 23:04:28

Basically we have these married friends (knew him first, he married her later), she is very very thin (size 00) and has unusual eating habits that lead us to think she has an eating disorder. For as long as we have known her, she has eaten basically one meal a day but anything she does eat she covers in salt and then she goes to bed really early before anyone else. She is a dietician as well so food and telling people what to eat is her job so it's all confusing. They are going through IVF presently. We went through it some time ago so she is asking me for advice. Most of it around whether I bloated during treatment or how much weight I gained during pregnancy. I answered her honestly about my own experience but then added something like "look I know you're concerned about how you will look but the most important thing is that you have enough calories a day to sustain yourself and the pregnancy, and that some people gain a lot and others don't gain much, but ultimately the most important thing is that the baby gets what it needs." She then completely lost it and told me that while she could tell I was trying to be helpful, she found my comments to be negative and judgy. Did I overstep??? Keep playing it out in my head. hmm.

liinyo Mon 02-May-16 23:19:26

it is shocking how many dieticians seem to have eating issues (no evidence for this, just personal observation during my DDs treatment for anorexia). I think it is probably an extension of the desire for control around food.

Her very defensive response to what reads like reasonable advice from you suggests you were close to the truth.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Tue 03-May-16 02:41:40

No I don't think you over stepped at all. She's a dietician, surely she must realise that starving onself is not the answer. I hope to God that's not the advice she gives to young impressionable teenage girls.

Broken1Girl Tue 03-May-16 03:39:26

Agree liinyo, my sister is one. Major eating issues.

yehyehright Tue 03-May-16 04:26:20

I think you're right, but that you can't do much except make sure her husband doesn't have his head in the sand about it.

Brosie12 Tue 03-May-16 22:52:40

Yep. I'm just shocked that an IVF clinic would take their money without her being in prime condition to sustain pregnancy. They are paying a small fortune for the very best clinic near them (in the US) and honestly I can't believe no one has mentioned that it's not just down to the science, or insisted that she gains weight first! She was just so angry with me, and I felt like I had really overstepped... Her husband had joked for years that she 'saves her calories for alcohol' so I think he has an idea. Separately, before the chat we had, she told me that she is 'somewhat offended' that my DH and I aren't doing IVF again to give our DD a sibling as she hated being an only child. (Actually We DID, and had a miscarriage that she doesn't know about). But then she chastised me for having a non alcoholic beer (why bother with that she said, for no buzz, empty calories!) -I was driving them and my child!! Anyway. Thanks. Glad to know I wasn't out of order!! Xgrin

LadyIncuntliaButtock Tue 03-May-16 23:14:19

She sounds like me, so yes, she probably has an eating disorder.

YANBU but if your friend is like me, she won't see it and reactions can be "explosive."

Brosie12 Tue 03-May-16 23:39:48

I'm really sorry to hear that you suffer from this- I have other friends who have suffered from this- in some ways it's almost so obvious that it's as if she is inviting discussion about it but it's very awkward as she is hostile to it, yet asking for advice. So it's a difficult thing to manoeuvre. My DH and I talked about it and both of us were torn about talking to them about it. hmm

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