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Which child is more unreasonable

(173 Posts)
80schild Mon 02-May-16 21:16:06

For the past week I have had my boys with me quite a lot. Eldest is 7 (only just). Youngest is 5. Both are quite strong and I would say don't know their own strength.

5 yo has taken to jumping on DS1 back. He does it a lot throughout the day. In his mind he is playing with DS1. DS1 hates it and I have heard him at various points trying to get away from DS2 but DS2 keeps on jumping on his back.

Yesterday in the park it started up. DS2 joined in as his friends were there. However, it finished with 3 boys on DS1. I think he was quite frightened so he bit the first person on top of him on the leg - just so happened to be DS2. DH gave DS1 a huge bollocking about not biting and fair fighting, and said what he did was far worse than what DS2 had done. Personally, I had more sympathy with DS1 having 3 kids the same size as him on top of him.

This evening DS2 jumps on DS1 again. I heard DS1 say 'get off me' which he clearly didn't. DS1 wrestled DS2 to the ground and started twisting his arm behind his back.

I could hear DS2 say 'you're hurting me'. At this point I intervened and went slightly mad and gave both of them a punishment. They both cried.

DH thinks I was too harsh on our youngest, as he had never actually really hurt the eldest and he thinks it is playful.

I just see that DS1 us getting increasingly upset and wants to be left alone.

They have both been given numerous warnings about fighting and what will happen if they seriously hurt one another. A lot of the time I am quite calm about it but today I did go mad. The message just isn't sinking in particularly with DS2.

Was I unfair to DS2 for giving him the same consequence as DS1. I am just feeling it needs to stop otherwise I will end up at A&E. Please give me some sanity.

totalrecall1 Mon 02-May-16 21:18:14

I feel sorry for DS1. Sounds like DS2 is the instigator in all of this. Not suprised DS1 reacted with 3 kids on top of him. DS2 needs to stop jumping on him

HoneyDragon Mon 02-May-16 21:19:06

Stop your youngest child jumping on his sibling it's absolutely not on. Everyone has the right to their own bodies, that's it. No means NO!

BarbarianMum Mon 02-May-16 21:19:26

Why is your ds1 not entitled to say who touches him and how? He doesn't like it when your ds2 jumps on him. Wtf do you and his dad not back him up? Would you be expected to put up with it if someone repeatedly jumped on you?

NarcyCow Mon 02-May-16 21:19:36

You are being unreasonable. You need to get the message across to DS2 that he's upsetting DS1 by jumping on him. That wouldn't be tolerated in this house.

HoneyDragon Mon 02-May-16 21:20:00

If someone jumped on my back with consent I'd fucking bite them too.

Crisscrosscranky Mon 02-May-16 21:20:02

DS2, but I think you know that. I'm the oldest and I always used to get the blame when DB was a little shit. hmm

Gide Mon 02-May-16 21:20:11

Don't see why you punished ds1 when he was the one asking to be left alone and the one being annoyed. I would try a chat with ds1 about not jumping on his db and then punish further infractions.

HoneyDragon Mon 02-May-16 21:20:19


educatingarti Mon 02-May-16 21:20:35

Yes DS 2 is doing something he knows DS 1 doesn't like and he should stop!

nephrofox Mon 02-May-16 21:21:05

Your ds2 is bullying his older brother. You need to crack down or this will have life long implications for all the family.

witsender Mon 02-May-16 21:21:58

DS2 needs to reign it in. Neither you nor your DH are supporting DS1 enough in this so he feels out of control, and not knowing how to handle it and not having your backing he is trying to handle it himself.

coffeeisnectar Mon 02-May-16 21:21:59

You tell DS2 that he is banned from jumping on his brother. If he does it again he will be in trouble and you will remove something of his.

I feel sorry for DS1.

Floggingmolly Mon 02-May-16 21:22:41

Do you favour the younger one? confused. You seriously imagine you're being unfair to give him a consequence too?? You need to nip his nonsense in the bud now.

Canyouforgiveher Mon 02-May-16 21:22:45

Why don't you stop your younger one jumping on his brother?

When you heard your ds1 this evening saying "get off me" you should have rushed over to them, hauled the younger one off him and said "I TOLD you not to do that. Don't ever do that again". Ditto in the park. you should have gone over and pulled your son off and told the other 2 to get off pronto.

Of course it needs to stop and you and your dh need to help your ds1 to make it stop.

CatchIt Mon 02-May-16 21:23:22

Your DS2 needs to stop jumping on his brother. I'm not sure how many times your eldest needs to say he doesn't like it for you to do something about it. It's just not fair to punish DS1 for getting angry when you or your DH don't back him up.

Onlyicanclean10 Mon 02-May-16 21:23:46

Yes my ds 2 was a bit of a twat like this around 12/13 while ds 1 was 14/15.

As the older one he tolerated his younger brother until one day he lost it and basically hit him back much harder.

They have been best buddies ever since and respect each other.

On my opinion your younger ds is a asking for it.

BertPuttocks Mon 02-May-16 21:24:02

I have a 5yr-old. If they were doing this to a sibling I would punish them each and every time until they got the message that the jumping would not be tolerated.

Your poor DS1.

DementedUnicorn Mon 02-May-16 21:24:16

I feel sorry for ds1 poor chap. Wee mite is only 7. It sounds like you have a blind spot for your 'baby'

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn Mon 02-May-16 21:24:26

You should be clamping down on DS2 a lot more than you have been. Poor DS1, I'm not surprised he has started to defend himself as clearly his parents aren't going to intervene when they know he doesn't enjoy constantly being jumped on. hmm

Your DH needs to get a grip, you need to get your youngest off every time he jumps on his brother. DS1 shouldn't have been punished, sounds like he is at the end of his tether.

gleam Mon 02-May-16 21:24:45

DS2 is more unreasomable.
Poor DS1.

Iguessyourestuckwithme Mon 02-May-16 21:25:21

You and DH are being unreasonable.

Tell your youngest son to leave your eldest alone and put repercussions in place so he knows you mean business. Why are you letting your youngest assault his brother. It is only playing if they're both wanting to play.

FuzzyOwl Mon 02-May-16 21:25:39

You are the one who is being unreasonable. You need to back up DS1 over this.

SolsburyHell Mon 02-May-16 21:26:35

Poor DS1. You should have got 'mad' about it a few days ago. Tomorrow, have a talk to them both about how the jumping on backs behaviour stops immediately and will result in reprimands if it continues.

Misselthwaite Mon 02-May-16 21:27:05

DS2 needs to learn you listen when someone says no. Everyone has the right to their own body and the right to expect others to respect that. At the moment you're teaching both children that its OK to do stuff to other people even if they don't like it.

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