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To think DP needs to grow up

(102 Posts)
Bluebellsareup Mon 02-May-16 16:33:26

Kids have been high as a kite all day, wrestling, play fighting, we all had a big family cushion fight earlier etc etc.

DS and DD were running around with some masking tape tieing each other up with it and then they started doing it to me and dp (their stepdad).

DP got hold of the masking tape and started tieing DS up. DS was laughing and trying to get out of it. DS realising DP had managed to get him then suddenly flipped and started lashing out at DP. DP stopped what he was doing and DS pulled the tape off. DS then went for DP hitting and kicking (very out of character for DS) and started shouting I hate you I wish i'd never met you. They are usually best mates so it was a bit shocking but probably the result of everyone being a bit over the top today. I told DS to go upstairs and calm down. DS then picked a toy up and threw it into the kitchen where we were standing.

I then shouted as DS to get upstairs and calm down.

DP has stropped out of the house shouting that he won't be spoken to like that and where is the respect for him.

AIBU to think that DP should grow up a bit and realise DS was just angry and would've calmed down in a minute given a chance and then obviously made to apologise.

DS did come downstairs a minute ago to say sorry but DP isn't here hmm

FWIW I was on DPs side until he took it personally and started sulking!

Griphook Mon 02-May-16 16:35:04

How old is ds?

Bluebellsareup Mon 02-May-16 16:36:04

DS is 8. Sorry should've said

TooLazyToWriteMyOwnFuckinPiece Mon 02-May-16 16:38:00

Well he shouldn't be spoken to like that, I suppose he sees it as being aimed at him when before everyone was playing along. I think it's what happens next that's important.

MTPurse Mon 02-May-16 16:39:44

I think I would have been pretty pissed off too if I was spoken to like that and had a toy thrown at me.

Bluebellsareup Mon 02-May-16 16:42:59

Really? Even when its obviously just a kid speaking out of anger?

I wouldn't strop out of the house, i'd sigh and say I think you need to go and calm down and apologise when you've thought about what a hurtful thing that is to say

lateforeverything Mon 02-May-16 16:43:05

How long have they known each other?
Do you all live together ft?
What is ds' relationship with dd like?

I'm a sm and just trying to build a picture. Also trying to work out where the 'I wish I'd never met you' came from hmm

LouBlue1507 Mon 02-May-16 16:43:37

Maybe he's done the right thing by removing himself from the situation and going to cool off. I would be fuming if I was him too. I think he's actually been pretty sensible. x

ChicRock Mon 02-May-16 16:44:16

Your DS behaviour was atrocious and he said a pretty hurtful thing.

I'd have expected a bit more back up than telling him to go to his room and calm down if I were your DH.

PotteringAlong Mon 02-May-16 16:45:48

I would have been very pissed off too. Actually if DP has gone out to calm down, not take it out on DS I don't think he needs to grow up, I think he behaved impeccably in all of this.

Angry or not, behaving like your DS did is not acceptable.

MTPurse Mon 02-May-16 16:45:59

Really? Even when its obviously just a kid speaking out of anger?

Yes. I actually think you owe your dp an apology for allowing your ds to behave like that. I would be mortified, embarrassed and angry if one of my dc spoke to dp like that.

LaurieLemons Mon 02-May-16 16:48:34

Did he accidentally hurt him or something? Seems strange for him to just come out with that? I'm sure that would upset/annoy me too, as long as he doesn't say anything in front of DS let him strop!

LouBlue1507 Mon 02-May-16 16:49:13

I agree with MTPurse

You're child is 8 not 2 and speaking out of anger is no excuse! Especially throwing a toy!

sixinabed Mon 02-May-16 16:49:58

I don't see that you allowed your Ds to behave like this. He's only 8 and it's perfectly normal for him to have mixed feelings about stepdad, however well they get on usually.
Sending him to his room was fine. Dp removing himself also fine. A serious talk about respect is needed when everyone's calm and possibly some gentle probing 1:1 between you and Ds re. His feelings.

It is ok for him to feel angry that you and his dad are not together, and I would hope that calmed down Dp can see that and forgive him.

civilfawlty Mon 02-May-16 16:50:24

I don't agree MT. If you have formed a family with a new DP, then I think you have to behave as one. I'm not saying the OP's ds should have got off scot free, but that the OP should not have to apologise for 'her' children to her DP, or the family will never be truly blended.

WorraLiberty Mon 02-May-16 16:53:31

I'm surprised at how hard hearted you're being about this.

You know your DP has feelings and they've been hurt, right?

He probably needs some time away from the situation, just as much as your DS does.

He'll calm down eventually, sounds like he just needs a bit of time.

wigglesrock Mon 02-May-16 16:56:36

I've an 8 year old I'd be raging if they threw a toy at anyone in anger never mind the hitting and kicking that preceded it. I certainly wouldn't be dismissing it as being a bit over the top. I don't think its your dp that needs to grow up, how else was your dp supposed to take it if not personally?

firesidechat Mon 02-May-16 16:58:46

I don't know about this. Being tied up, even by some one I loved would seriously freak me out and I have no bad past experiences to account for this. It might be that your son was ok up to a point and then felt threatened by what was happening to him, especially if someone bigger and stronger was doing it. I know it was meant to be a bit of fun but sometimes these things go too far.

usual Mon 02-May-16 17:00:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nobilityobliges Mon 02-May-16 17:04:49

Yes, your DP needs to grow up. Of course he can't strop out of the house. And although your DS may not have behaved perfectly, I can completely understand why being tied up by his step-dad caused him to panic, and this should definitely be taken into account. I would reassure him he was not in any danger and that it's fine for him to stop playing when he's no longer comfortable, but that he can communicate this calmly before escalating. But you don't want to give him the message that he will be punished for expressing that he is uncomfortable with physical things.

wonkylampshade Mon 02-May-16 17:05:15

Are you sure the relationship between your DP and DS is as good as you think it is? I think his reaction is a bit worrying, and it's worth considering whether there's somethings else at the root of it. I also agree with the PP who said the experience might have freaked him out a bit.

Chinks123 Mon 02-May-16 17:06:13

Personally op I'd much rather have a man that takes himself away from the situation to cool off rather than one who loses his head and shouted at your DS (as some people perhaps would) He has said he feels disrespected and is probably very pissed off so has gone to calm down.

I can understand your sons anger if the relationship is new, but still throwing toys is unacceptable. My toddler does that and I find it so bloody rude hmm

lateforeverything Mon 02-May-16 17:06:37

Are you sure the relationship between your DP and DS is as good as you think it is?

I wondered this, hence all my questions on my pp...

Chinks123 Mon 02-May-16 17:07:01

But just to add, if he walks out of the house at every strop that will get annoying very fast I think.

witsender Mon 02-May-16 17:08:25

It sounds perhaps like your son has some kind of anxiety, being made really tense by being tied up?

8 isn't very old. I would expect a sincere apology and a discussion about it. I think your DP over reacted and took a child's behaviour too personally, which I guess is in part because he isn't his child. I think I would speak to him and say that you can only imagine how hurtful it was, and you understand how hard it must be. But that at 8, he won't always be able to control his emotions and you all need to be able to take it through in order for your son to learn from it and how to regulate his emotions. He came to apologise, he should be allowed to do so again.

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