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Paranoid or suspicious? Long post! Opinions needed!!

(13 Posts)
Jenjen15951 Mon 02-May-16 16:17:03

So my oh has lied about where he has been in the past - I was bleeding during a previous pregnancy and he went on a stag do to 'hull' so he would be able to get a taxi back if I needed him which turned out to be a booze cruise and he wasn't there to support me when I ended up miscarryibg - couldn't even get hold of him on the phone. I know him being there wouldn't have changed what happened but he broke my trust when he lied about the location and continued his lie until I found the boarding passes in his bag when I was going to do the washing.

So he is self employed and was working on Saturday. I was supposed to be going out Saturday night for he first time since having 7 week old lb. my mum was supposed to watch him but oh said he wasn't going out so I took lb to see my mum during the day instead. Tried to call him at 4 when I got home ( he usually works until 2 on Saturday) to ask where he was but he rejected my call and texted saying he was driving. Texted him back asking what time he would be home so I could get ready and he said he was out at a job and he didn't know because we were child free so he will be home when he is home he might go out drinking. we had a bit of a tiff because I had cancelled my mum because he said he didn't want to come out that morning and he then ended up saying he wanted to go out just not with me - which did upset me but wasnt a problem I could've gone out with my friends. I went upstairs to have a shower and he had already been home, had a shower and it stank of aftershave, he had trimmed his stubble and there was his 'going out clothes' on the bed that he must have tried on and decided to wear something else. Work clothes on the floor. It was obvious to me that he must have been lying about being at work because why would he go out in a dirty work van in his nice clothes?! I texted him asking where he really was, he persisted to say at work and I said If you're really at work send me a snap chat of you driving! I know a bit psycho! He said no problem but then continued to argue and never sent the snapchat and said he shouldn't have to prove to me where he is. The argument escalated and apparently I 'pushed him' to go for a drink and I said I would be staying at my mums with LO because I was sick of his lying. I'm 99% certain he was already out at the pub and had forgotten he was supposed to be in looking after LO or was just being plain selfish and didn't care about me having a break.Why would he get all dolled up to go out to work? If he was telling the truth why couldn't he send the video? Am I being paranoid or is this suspicious? He never wears aftershave unless he is off out and he was wearing his new trainers. He usually answers his phone driving or not and the speed he was texting back wasn't like he was preoccupied or busy.

ImperialBlether Mon 02-May-16 16:20:48

I wouldn't believe a word that came out of his mouth. He's living like a single man, isn't he? Has he always been a liar?

summerdreams Mon 02-May-16 16:21:30

I don't think your being paranoid he sounds like an arse the miscarriage thing sounds horrible I'm sorry your going through this.

Skittlesss Mon 02-May-16 16:25:50

If he's lying about this then what else is he lying about? He sounds unreliable and disrespectful.

Jenjen15951 Mon 02-May-16 16:28:11

He has always told silly white lies but never anything bad until I was pregnant the first time. He's coming to visit LO tonight (didn't see him yesterday and only for 10 minutes before work the day before) and hopefully he will just come out with the truth. He is usually amazing - but since my third trimester it's like he's had a personality transplant!

Skittlesss Mon 02-May-16 16:30:09

He hasn't tried to come over? That's really odd. There's defo something wrong if he stayed out drinking whilst knowing you and his child were going to stay elsewhere.
Hope you're ok!

DoreenLethal Mon 02-May-16 16:30:54

Not being paranoid - but he has form for lying so why would you believe anything that comes out of his mouth?

lazyarse123 Mon 02-May-16 16:34:59

He's a selfish liar. The miscarriage thing on it's own is bad enough flowers for you, i hope you are ok. I went through a miscarriage years ago and my husband ended up having an affair for 8 years. Apparently he didn't get the support he needed (tough shit). We did work through it and are ok now. I would really press your husband and ask him what the hell he thinks he's playing at. Good Luck.

LaurieLemons Mon 02-May-16 16:40:32

I agree with skittles that would really annoy me. It's good you left to stay with your mum but it seems like that's not a wake up call for him when it really should be. It sounds like he's lying for no reason? Or a reason he's not telling you? You have every reason to be paranoid, ask him what the hell he thinks he's playing at.

Crispbutty Mon 02-May-16 16:46:03

Leave the baby with your mum, get one of your mates to go out with and go see what he's up to. Don't tell him you are going out. I would be highly suspicious of him.

YourHandInMyHand Mon 02-May-16 18:00:50

You are right to be suspicious.. Sadly cheating is a high possibility when a woman is pregnant or has a newborn - but only if you're with a lying tosser!

Take care of yourself and baby.

DoesMyMarthaCliffLookBigInThis Mon 02-May-16 19:16:34

He sounds like a proper tosser op and I would also be wondering what else he has been lying about. Why even keep up with the pretence of being at work when he knows it is quite obvious to you that he is in the pub? Does he gaslight you in any other ways?

AwfulBeryl Mon 02-May-16 20:09:27

Oh op, what a wanker. Sorry he is treating you like this. What he is doing is horrible, manipulating you so he can get his own way. My fil sounds similar in the way he twists everything to make excuses for his own behaviour, hen blames everyone else for it.
What sort of white lies did he tell before ?
My dp is far from perfect, so am I, but this is the sort of thing that I wouldn't be able to put up with.

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