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Irritated by something really stupid - AIBU -

(18 Posts)
Cutecat78 Mon 02-May-16 15:55:56

Or is it ok to feel annoyed/pissed off about something silly and petty.

Sister is older than me but I had all my DC ten yrs before she had her 1st. She was quite insensitive and unhelpful and kind of did not understand the mechanics of parenting when I had my kids and I remember once all going on a family holiday and her moaning about the kids making noise in the morning etc and also telling me how to discipline them - I guess general stuff people do to other parents before they have kids themselves.

Fast forward 10 yrs when she hit her early 30s and got pregnant for the first time she was achingly anal about her pregnancy, birth and how everything had to be just so, and behaved like a bit of a diva tbh and as if she was the first person ever to give birth.

Anyway - stupid thing on FB about have you ever done this and that and she says she has watched someone give birth. I am like "oh who" and she replies "you".

I had a homebirth and I had my ex and my best friend with me. My mum came down to look after older DC and my sister happened to be at my mums at the time and came with her - at the time I was a bit pissed off as I didn't really want her there (because of blatant disinterest really and not "getting" it or feeling she would not be a great person to have around due to not having any kids herself or any empathy). Anyway it was fine and she made herself scarce in the lounge with older DC and my mum and came to see the baby pretty soon after she was born.

When I challenged her on this (you did not see me give birth - you were not there) she says "oh I was in and out its close enough" - The has given me the absolute rage. One of the most precious moments of my life she is being so fucking blasé and lying about.

I know it's stupid and ridiculous but when on top of that I think about how annoyed I was at the time that she came and how PFB she was with her own babies - no you weren't fucking there - you weren't even invited - stop making out you were.

I can't have it out with her IRL as will get told am being over sensitive or ridiculous or both and maybe I am but it's not ok to bend the truth about important moments of MY life.

QuiteLikely5 Mon 02-May-16 15:59:22

How sad that your relationship with your sister seems so bad. The anger and bitterness that comes through your post makes for sad reading.

I suspect there is so much more to the's almost like you hate her..........

Cutecat78 Mon 02-May-16 16:05:07

I don't hate her.

I struggle with the relationship yes because she is so critical of every tiny thing I do and speaks to me like I am a teenager.

She has never allowed our relationship to mature into an equal one, I feel that my feelings are dismissed over hers asvthecwhold family seems to bend over backwards to not upset her.

RandomMess Mon 02-May-16 16:11:07

See this as a catalyst to decide to change the dynamics. I would suggest having some therapy to help you feel less emotional about her attitude towards you so you can deal with it assertively.

It's pretty horrible to be constantly dismissed sad

pigsDOfly Mon 02-May-16 16:17:31

Sounds like she one of those people who tries to make everything about her.

Anything that's happening she has to appear to be involved in: 'oh I was in and out it's close enough', well no it isn't if she's in another room. I suspect if you try to have it out with her you'll just get more of the same, and as you say, she'll dismiss it with you being over sensitive.

Only thing you can do is to accept that she'll never change and try not to dwell on it. I'd also try to avoid involving her in anything important you do or she'll try to steal other aspect of your life as well.

She does sound like hard work. My exSIL was like that, if she knew anyone, could be the next door neighbour, who had achieved something in the way of career or someone who'd made a lot of money, she'd make out that they were the best of friends as if she could somehow glow in their reflected 'glory'.

Cutecat78 Mon 02-May-16 16:18:44

I guess my DDs birth was pretty important and special to me and I had to fight to get a home birth and for her to basically lie (which isn't like her actually) about watching her come into the world for the sake of some stupid game status thing on FB actually hurts me as its so dismissive of how important that was to me.

I feel a bit stupid saying that but that's how I feel.

MadamDeathstare Mon 02-May-16 16:23:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cutecat78 Mon 02-May-16 16:24:19


Yes you are probably correct.

RandomMess Mon 02-May-16 16:35:23

Not sure if it's any consolation but I would feel upset/hurt too! It's actually a privilege to be invited to be there for a birth - it means that person is really trusted etc to carry out that role.

Cutecat78 Mon 02-May-16 16:38:24

I had DS2 at home a few years later, he was early and I had a friend staying for the weekend who ended up looking after my other DC downstairs.

She always comments and mentions this and jokes about it and how they all knew he had been born because they heard him cry but I know it was quite special for her - she was downstairs when he was born and would never say that she was there when I gave birth or had witnessed it.

sixinabed Mon 02-May-16 16:44:35

YANBU, that would pee me off too. No helpful advice, sorry. Rise above it? But you shouldn't have to.

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion Mon 02-May-16 16:49:04

Yanbu. But, as you say, it's a smaller piece of a bigger picture.

She sounds like a blast hmmwine

Cutecat78 Mon 02-May-16 16:56:01

I kind of wanted to make my point but realised I would look like an utter arse and cannot think of doing it in a "funny" way.

Furiosa Mon 02-May-16 17:17:20


Can you comment on her "claim"? Something along the lines of "Wow sis, you must have been huffing the G&A more than me. You were in other room when DC was born!"

Sandbrook Mon 02-May-16 17:30:27

Agree with Furiosa, a reply like that should diffuse. A comment like that might annoy me too, if that's watching someone give birth then we have all done it

nobilityobliges Mon 02-May-16 17:32:37

TBH I can understand that being in the house while a homebirth is going on would make you feel pretty close to the birth experience, so I'm not sure it's fair to say she's even twisting the truth or deliberately lying -- perhaps she did witness you in labour at some point. But I agree with PPs that you seem to hate her. I think you need to cut down on contact with her, for your own sanity.

Cutecat78 Mon 02-May-16 17:48:29

Furiosa excellent grin

I can understand it can make you feel close to the birth "experience" yes but saying you have watched someone give birth when you were actually in the same building and saw non of the "action" is just bollocks and I don't understand why she has said it and been so dismissive when I challenged her.

Cutecat78 Mon 02-May-16 17:59:14

I was about to post something along the lines of what Furisa suggested and say I'm actually a bit upset how dismissive you are being over an important life event that was intensely personal but I have read it again and think she is being "light hearted" and I would probably upset her - she will have no idea how annoyed I feel.

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