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to risk it all and move to to the coast to be closer to mum?

(25 Posts)
Lostandlostsomemore Mon 02-May-16 14:08:23

Brief outline :
I'm 35 and mother is 65.
I have 2 children a child in year 1 and a 3 year old.
My husband works for himself so should really be okay wherever we live although that's not a proven fact obviously just what we think.
I've lived in surrey since I was a teen as has my mum and stepdad.
My mum was in Tadworth and us in dorking just to give the distance since I had my eldest child.
We are lucky that we are renting a house from husbands sister who is now living in America with her husband and is glad of the £1000 a month we pay her.
Obviously the amount is similar to what we would pay privately ( or a little less ) but we have almost complete security, it's a home for our children and there is no constant worry like friends seem to have with renting where landlords sell / increase rent / won't allowed decorating, pets etc / having to move kids schools as couldn't find anything in the area again and so on.
Everything was great until my mum and stepdad decided last year it was the time to relocate to littlehampton.
My nan lives there ( 93 years old ) and has done for years but my grandad passed early last year so is now alone there and obviously getting older and more dependant on my mum who's an only child so they made the move and are happy.
They left a council house to rent privately and aren't worried about the landlord selling if it happens as if worse came to worse they could stay with my nan until they found something else.
Obviously we won't have that to fallback on as nan has a 2 bed bungalow and mum has a 2 bed flat.
I miss my mum terribly and she isn't getting any younger so I think now would be the best time to do it as the kids may not want to later on etc but my husband thinks we would be mad to go into private renting living 12 months to the next with 2 young children for the sake of a 90 min drive to my mum.
What do you all think sad thankyou

MiddleClassProblem Mon 02-May-16 14:17:03

On the one hand, Surrey to little Hampton is not that far. We did a day trip from my school in London. It's just a new thing you get used to. If you move you might be further away from friends and any form of social life you have put on hold.

On the other hand, you have a year or so with a good window before your eldest is in school and moving becomes harder.

I would look into the prices of things and what kind of properties are available, schools and areas etc. What would be available hobby wise etc.

Weigh it up what's right for you and your family.

daisychain01 Mon 02-May-16 14:17:28

Did you post about this already? I remember an identical situation being posted not so long ago, where the OP wanted to move to be closer to their DM and DSF on the coast, but it would mean uprooting the family.

Lostandlostsomemore Mon 02-May-16 14:27:44

No I didn't I guess it's something that seems to happen when people retire and move to coastal places

Lostandlostsomemore Mon 02-May-16 14:29:22

I do know it's not the other side of the world but short trips and after school dinners can no longer happen
It's £20 in petrol a time too so I can't go every week if we have stuff going on or a tight month
Just doesn't feel right

expatinscotland Mon 02-May-16 14:29:56

I wouldn't give up a secure tenancy, no. I agree with your DH.

P1nkP0ppy Mon 02-May-16 14:32:19

Personally I wouldn't move, your mum's only 65 and has your stepdad there for support. What do they think? A 90 minute drive isn't far op.
Is it worth uprooting and moving away from everything?

Lostandlostsomemore Mon 02-May-16 14:55:01

To be honest friends are mainly from work in London which I left 7 years ago when I had my son so meets are far and few between.
Husbands family are scattered too, either London, abroad or Hastings so none local.
Is privacy renting really as awful as people say?
What happens if the landlord does sell up from beneath you and you physically can't find another property in time?

MiddleClassProblem Mon 02-May-16 15:03:23

do you have the potential to buy? Mortgage cost vs renting if you have the deposit

expatinscotland Mon 02-May-16 15:06:18

'Is privacy renting really as awful as people say?
What happens if the landlord does sell up from beneath you and you physically can't find another property in time?'

Yes, especially if you're not minted. You could find yourself moving at least once a year, along with all the associated fees and hassle.

If you can't find another property then you'll have to move out of the area to one in which you can find another.

Griphook Mon 02-May-16 15:08:38

As someone about to go I to private renting, (I'm terrified). No way in the world would I give up a secured Tennacy, also what's in little Hampton for you me children in years to come, what are the prospect for them?

MiddleClassProblem Mon 02-May-16 15:11:02

The few people you have socially are London and Hastings mainly? Surrey is right in the middle of those points. Even if you don't see them that often, it will be less likely further away and you might miss it more than you realise. Also I'm sure your mum can come to you sometimes or you meet half way. She could even come and stay for a few days every month, then you really get quality time together (maybe even too much!).

ProcrastinatorGeneral Mon 02-May-16 15:20:34

I'd stay put, sorry.

MatildaTheCat Mon 02-May-16 16:10:47

If your DM has moved to be near her DM, what will happen when her DM dies? She may then decide that Littlehampton isn't actually her dream location and move to Devon, Newcastle or anywhere else she fancies.

I really would not move unless you truly and properly want to live in Littlehampton and can face the realities of private rental. You might be lucky or could have a big reality check. Have you googled what your money would rent you there?

missymayhemsmum Mon 02-May-16 16:15:19

I'd stay put unless you all really want to live in littlehampton and can afford to buy. Chances are when your nan goes your mum will move back closer to you anyhow.

Artistic Mon 02-May-16 16:20:06

I would agree with others. Look at it as a short term situation until your nan needs taking care of. Unless your mum buys a house, it seems like she's looking at it as temporary too. Am sure you could persuade her to move near you when the time comes. That said, why aren't you considering buying your own home? Even if it's something small, and you can't live in it, given your secured home now - why not buy and rent that out? It will give you something that you can sell and buy your forever home at the right time perhaps?

Lostandlostsomemore Mon 02-May-16 17:15:14

Thanks for replying.
My mum will never move back, she has always wanted to retire by the seaside so regardless of my nan passing that's where she will be hence me thinking if we are going to do it maybe we should suck it up and do it now so we don't disrupt the kids schooling and friendships.
When my nan dies my mum will buy herself something small and there should he enough for a deposit for us to buy, which will be near to her and not here so again that's why I'm debating doing it now as unless my nan ends up going into a care home of some sort or blows all the money it's inevitable we will do it and I'm not sure how teens will feel about it so I want to save them any heartache I can but moving every year sounds horrendous and worrying as there's no way we could get gathering deposits and fees together.
We are on one wage of double our rent at the moment which doesn't leave much after bills etc
The rent in littlehampton for a 3 bed house would be about the same as we are paying here.

expatinscotland Mon 02-May-16 18:14:45

Too much 'if' in this. I'd stay put. You can't go living your life around your mother. You have a family now. Their security in housing is very important.

Lostandlostsomemore Mon 02-May-16 22:37:57

I agree - I guess I just want them to see their nan more.
I grew up very close to mine as we lived a few roads apart.
I'm fortunate never to have experienced renting when I've had kids to consider, we did before we had children but it was our choice to move when we did, I don't understand what happens if you can't find anywhere once they serve notice!

MiddleClassProblem Mon 02-May-16 22:41:49

Well that just ends up being your problem, you stay with someone, you rent somewhere short term you normally wouldn't, you stay at a hotel... They don't owe you anything other that the notice period in the contract and why should they?

Lostandlostsomemore Tue 03-May-16 00:10:46

That is crazy
No wonder so many people end up in bnbs waiting on council houses!

Capricorn76 Tue 03-May-16 00:29:41

I swear you posted about this about a month ago?? It's the exact same scenario and writing style. Most people advised you to stay put. Have you still not spoken to your partner to see what he thinks?

Allofaflumble Tue 03-May-16 00:51:52

I feel like I have read this before too.

Lostandlostsomemore Tue 03-May-16 08:19:47

I can't find any other similar threads

HPsauciness Tue 03-May-16 10:27:06

Ultimately, there is no right answer, you just have to weigh up your options. I rent, but have a good long-term landlady (the last people were here four years and moved for work reasons) although I can't predict she'll never want to sell. However, your dh's sister may also want to realise her assets at some point and want to sell as well, so I don't think that's a guaranteed for life situation.

If you want to be near your mum, I would probably move near your mum. Secure housing is just one of the things that can make you happy but family is another- and personally I'd rather life the life I want with the risk of some instability than stay in a place where there is no real reason to live there and not that many connections.

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