Advanced search

To move away. MIL certainly thinks so.

(39 Posts)
LemonySmithit Mon 02-May-16 13:16:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Daffolill Mon 02-May-16 13:19:11

You and dh are adults and his family need to respect that. I wouldn't let this get you down, just try and keep things civil before you go as it'll be nicer to leave with no bad feelings.

Kidnapped Mon 02-May-16 13:22:10

Do nothing. Leave DH's family to DH. Tell MIL that if she wants DH to know how she is feeling, then she can tell DH herself. And that goes for any other family members who want to stick their oar in. It is hugely unfair of them to "protect" your DH while saddling you with the guilt of it. I think they are probably only very nice and welcoming when you do exactly what they want.

Wash your hands of it. And get packing.

Kidnapped Mon 02-May-16 13:23:34

Oh and MIL using the great-nan as leverage for guilt? Horrible really.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Mon 02-May-16 13:25:48

It's just easier for her to think that he's going because you want him too rather than that he's choosing to leave her. Ignore it completely.

RaspberryOverload Mon 02-May-16 13:26:52

You and your DH have been working for this for a long time, so it's not been sprung on people.

Don't let this derail your plans. I suspect that when Mil said what she did, she was using DH's Nan as an excuse to cover her own feelings, especially if Nan and DH have already been talking and Nan's given her blessing.

Once it's happened, people will get used to the change.

DrunkenMissOrderly Mon 02-May-16 13:27:39

Do nothing. You'll be in Asia soon, living your dream. Her manipulative sulking won't travel with you.

LemonySmithit Mon 02-May-16 13:34:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NeedACleverNN Mon 02-May-16 13:36:11

We are from a close knit family and my family would be upset that we choose to move away...

But they wouldn't guilt us like that.

AdrenalineFudge Mon 02-May-16 13:36:31

I'd just be glad that in a few months time this will all be a distant memory. Good on you and DH. Quite frankly I'd have thanked her and told her I'd send a post card on arrival.

Marmalady75 Mon 02-May-16 13:40:43

I'm not being horrible, but his great nan will pass at some point. Does his mum want him to put his life on hold until that happens? Or will it then be that he can't go because it will upset/kill someone else???
Go ahead with your plans and have a fabulous adventure on the next step of your life journey.

OnlyLovers Mon 02-May-16 13:42:45

Oh, ignore her. And the other family members trying this emotional blackmail crap.

Great-nan sounds amazing. Her behaviour over this issue puts the rest of them to shame.

Cornishclio Mon 02-May-16 13:43:35

It's a problem if you don't visit GPs every week and MIL pulls you aside to guilt trip you over a move planned by you and your DH? The ILs sound manipulative and only welcoming if you fit in with their wishes. Distance sounds like a very good idea. If MIL tries that again I would ask her to address her concerns to your DH. It is not your business to interfere and let DH decide if he wants his life run by his DM. Good luck.

CoolCarrie Mon 02-May-16 13:44:51

Don't let in MIL to guilt you & DH. I had the same from my mum when we moved to another country and to make it worse I am an only child! Life is too short & as you said the family have known for a long time that this move would be happening.
Have a wonderful time on your adventure!

curren Mon 02-May-16 13:47:00

I would let it go. You like her. She is panicking and said something stupid. She shouldn't have tried it, but we all fuck up occasionally.

Let it go and enjoy your adventure.

mrsmortis Mon 02-May-16 13:50:37

Just after I graduated I got the chance to move to the US. It was a dream job and a brilliant opportunity. One of my Aunts asked my Mum how she could let me move so far away. She thought that Mum had failed as a mother because I had decided to move away. Mum thought she must have done something right because I had the confidence to take the opportunity and run with it.

Personally I prefer Mum's definition of success. And your DHs great Nan's.

LemonySmithit Mon 02-May-16 13:52:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

A4Document Mon 02-May-16 13:55:57

YANBU. Ignore the emotional blackmail and carry on making your own decisions.

LunaLoveg00d Mon 02-May-16 14:05:07

Have you never seen "Wanted Down Under"? This sort of behaviour is surprisingly common. Couple follow their dreams to Aus/NZ, find they can earn 3 times the salary, afford a mahoosive mansion and live in the sun, yet there are still members of the extended family saying "Don't go, we'll miss you, how can you deprive me of my grandchildren" etc etc.


Don't say anything to your husband, you know you have the gran's blessing and thats all that matters.

EponasWildDaughter Mon 02-May-16 14:08:32

MIL using the great-nan as leverage for guilt

^ ^ this is what's happening. My mum thinks she's good at doing (as in thinks i don't know what she's up to) and used to do it a lot. She used to use things which my DCs were supposed to have said to her. It was all total rubbish and we all knew it and used to laugh about it behind her back.

Say nothing to DH. Ignore. Don't fee this kind of behavior by reacting to it.

EponasWildDaughter Mon 02-May-16 14:09:24

fee? FEED

cbear000 Mon 02-May-16 14:10:09

There will always be some "reason" why you should stay, and goodbyes like that are horrible but you gotta do what you gotta do. You are right, she could live 10 more years, or she could die next week but if she has given her blessing that is not a reason to put your life on hold. Good luck with the move!
And I don't think you have to mention the claustrophobia feeling as you are shortly moving away, but don't be a pushover, eg he can visit them without you occasionally!

cbear000 Mon 02-May-16 14:16:41

Also they can think what they like about you taking their boy away. Be the bigger person and don't let that affect you. Together you are expanding your horizons and the world is a much smaller place these days, its so common for people to move far away now. I should know, I am 10,000 miles away from my family. Skype is an amazing thing.

LowDudgeon Mon 02-May-16 14:16:44

Well at 94 she isn't going to be around much longer, but if she's the resilient sort she's quite likely to die peacefully in her sleep & in that case it wouldn't matter if he was just down the street, he wouldn't be there!

It's lovely that she is pleased & excited for him & you, & that's all that matters, & your MIL is being cruel angry

Wishing you luck & a great new life smile

LemonySmithit Mon 02-May-16 14:17:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now