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Aibu to be pissed of with my other half.

(8 Posts)
Timetogrowup2016 Mon 02-May-16 12:29:57

We have a dd eleven weeks old tomorrow but six weeks old corrected age.
Last week I decided to start a loose routine bed time routine where by we give her her lady evening bottle when ever she wants it (feeding on demand) in our room with dim lights then we top and tail and put night time clothes on and interact for a whlie if she's not to tired then we settle her In her cot and use the baby monitors. (Our room Is in a flat and she's only in the room next door)
This was to try and teach her night and day time is different as the moment she sleeps all day and is awake all night.
We also aggreed to feed her in dim lighting and just put her in the cot so she associates that with night time.
However last night we aggrred oh took over from 4am I went to spare room and I come in at 5am again and his shoved her in the swinging chair and gone to sleep as "its easier to settle her in their "
I feel my weeks worth of effort has now gone to waste.
I don't know if I'm being stupid though

robynlaurie Mon 02-May-16 12:34:59

My hubby tried to help in the night but does things differently, so now I do all the nights myself and it works lol plus I can't be mad at him when he does things the wrong way lol! He does make up for it in the day and spends as much time with our daughter as possible!

I don't think you can really say too much to him other than advise that you would like to continue a routine in a particular way. It all depends whether you want an argument or not I suppose

BillSykesDog Mon 02-May-16 12:36:46

I think that he's probably (like you) just really tired and a bit desperate.

Does she go to sleep in the swinging chair? Is it possible to get her off to sleep then move her from the swing chair to bed?

LIZS Mon 02-May-16 12:38:36

I don't think one blip will make much difference. The issue is that your oh did whatever was pragmatic rather than what you wanted. You may need to agree some parameters for compromise when he takes over. Tbh I'd change her before last feed so she can go straight down, as time goes on that interaction will just wake her up more.

eurochick Mon 02-May-16 12:53:11

In my experience it's too little to bother with routines. I'd also be hugely worried about the SIDS risk of putting a premmie to sleep in another room as prematurity is a risk factor (ours was prem and this is something I was very aware of, but of course everyone has to make their own risk assessments).

Hissy Mon 02-May-16 13:17:23

I agree, it's way too early to leave the baby alone, and way too early to try and create a routine.

Agree with the general idea of visual clues, but your baby is weeks old and needs time to work out what's what.

The first year is hard, you just have to do what you gotta do to get through it.

One day you'll have forgotten all this and it will all be sorted. For the meantime you just have to roll with it and make the best of it.

Hissy Mon 02-May-16 13:21:37

When ds was 4m old I did start a kind of routine, brought bedtime earlier, always bath, bottle/feed, then bed. It did make a massive difference as he wasn't over tired. Sure he didn't go down easily every time, but a cuddle and a stroke and eventually he'd get there.

Try not to expect too much of your baby, they are their own people right from day one, we just have to work out what that means and what they want and try and work it into life generally.

OooLookShoes Mon 02-May-16 13:35:18

In the nicest, loveliest way possible, yes you are being a bit of a daftie flowers

You have pre term baby. None of the rules apply!

Really, routine for a baby this little is pissing in the wind. They are too tiny. Might work a dream on some full term, but not worth the stress.

SIDS is a huge risk so unless there's another reason all the advice is to keep them in with you.

Also, it's fuckng hard but try to let YOUR OH make his own decisions too. Otherwise you end up being the only one who can do stuff. I had to really focus on stepping back. Now DH is SAHD and I get the easier job of going to work!

Those first weeks and months are a slog tho.

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