AIBU to think this mum excluded my 5 year old(34 Posts)
I am very upset for my DS and not sure where i stand with this. So mum1 from school invited us for a weekend away at a theme park for her DS bday along with mum2 and her DD. I wound up arranging it and booking it for all of us. Mum1 tells me she and Mum2 will share a room, which is fine. Then they arrange a ride up together. Its a 2hr drive so i say ill see if my DH can come as im not great with long distance they say no, mums only. Fine.
1st day her DS winds up both the other kids, etc. and my DS winds up in a foul mood.Mum1 hires a double scooter (buggy sort of thing) she says they can all share but her kid won't. She tells me i should get my own scooter tomorrow, but she doesn't tell mum2.
2nd day i arrive at theme park before them and ring the mum to say we will go in ahead as it is heaving and book out a double scooter for the kids incase they run out by time they get in. So me and DS get one and wait by entrance for 40mins and theres no sign of them. So i try ringing, nothing. Then i see mum2 go into shop so rush over to see where everyone is she says mum1 is sorting out scooter hire. I turn around and mum1 has the 2kids tucked in a scooter. So i say ill go outside and wait. I ring DH as i dont want to tell them that im annoyed no one rang me when they got in and she ignored what i had said.
Mum1 proceeds to stomp past me with the scooter thing and disappear. So i tell mum2 im going to swop the double for a single and will catch up. I catch up with them 10 mins later at a ride to find they didnt even wait for us and are half way in the queue and my DS wants to go on so we have to wait by ourselves. Mum1 then proceeds to ignore us. Stands between my DS and the 2 kids. If my DS stands infront of scooter to talk to the other 2 then she nudges him out the way and stomps off.
In the end, i felt very unwelcome and told mum2 that we were going to seperate off and spend the day by ourselves as my son is upset that he can't speak to his friends and it is very awkward. Mum2 said she couldnt understand why mum1 was behaving this way but stayed with her.
AIBU to think my DS was excluded by an adult?
It's one thing if she was annoyed with me but i just cant fathom how an adult would take it out on a child. I never even got a chance to speak to mum1, so it cant be something i said.
YANBU. This sounds like the trip from hell. It seems that both you and your child have been excluded by both these mums and I would chalk it up to experience and never, ever, ever go anywhere with either of them again.
Talk about pathetic, childish behaviour.
At least you now know never to do anything like this ever again not never.
Enjoy the rest of the day with your DS.
Wow she's unpleasant. The only thing I'm wondering is when you say you ended up booking it all, how did that happen? Did you inadvertently book yourself and ds into more of the trip than she perhaps intended? Or is she cheesed off at you ringing her about the scooter and over managing when she's got things in hand. Just trying to see what she's got her knickers in a twist about. She might be trying to deflect her ds' behaviour. Either way she's being horrid.
Hmm... Wonder if mum2 will be seeing
bitchmum1 in a new light.
You did the right thing in separating by the way. Now don't you dare go talking to mum1 again, OK?
If mum2 wants to talk to you let her, but don't initiate contact. They both are responsible for being mean to a 5yo.
Did you manage the journey by yourself? I hope so, you need to challenge this "long distances" thing.
Things you find uncomfortable are challenges to be overcome, don't farm them out to dh. Ok? (((Hug)))
I'm a former agoraphobic, I know what limiting yourself does. Not good for you or for the dc
Did you "take over" with booking stuff, and get a little bossy? Maybe that put their backs up?
If not, they are just horrible!
Thank you for your responses.
Mum1 asked me and mum2 to sort out the booking as she "just don't understand these things" so i looked up hotel and park deals then showed it to them and they were happy with it, so i booked it as no one else seemed to be reaching for their purses. They didnt seem bothered and thanked me at the time.
I have problems with my hips so i can drive for about an hour then it starts to get painful, hence why DH does most of long distance driving.
DS had an awesome day in the end. We did everything he wanted and he got to choose a toy from the shop at the end of the day. Slept like a log after that
Now i am just worried about what mum1s DS is going to say to my DS at school. I am pretty sure she would pass a message along if you know what i mean. I am not bothered about her gossiping about me on the playground. Just worried about DS.
I have definitely learnt from this experience. I get that a lot of adults act very high school but i am shocked that an adult would do it to a child. I didnt want to pull her up on it there and then either as i didn't want to upset the kids.
Well if you drove anyway, well done, does stopping off and having a rest help?
If mum1 so much as squeaks in the direction of your ds at school or whatever you have Carte Blanche to tell her right off. It's just about marginally acceptable To be rude to an adult for whatever petty reason she may have, it is absolutely un bloody acceptable to be rude to a child or to include him in some pissy point scoring.
If she does this, let her have it and tell her to stay the hell away from you and ds.
I hope these people have paid you back?
Were you friends with these women before organising a holiday with them? This sounds like my idea of hell and l would never do it.
But mum1 and mum2 both do not sound very nice. How old are the dc?
Sounds awful-why do women do this to each other? Can't believe after all the effort you've been to, these mum's have been such cows.
Mum 1 behaviour sounds awful, I wod have separated from them much earlier tbh, such as day 2. I would not do that again, your poor ds :-(
Why the hell did you organise it and pay when it was mum 1 ds birthday, she should have done that!
she NUDGED your son away from the other 2 cc? WTF? Did you get the $$ for their share? You are being used and your ds is being abused.
WoopWoop they certainly had you by the short and curlies diden't they, took advantage of your good nature and friegned ignorance about being able to book online. On your part, you should have all sat down and done it together, so that you did not take the financial burden. If Mum1 is abusive to your ds at school, and passes messges to him, you make the teacher and HT aware of it. Not acceptable.
What a horrible woman. Narcissistic and childish. I hope she doesn't bully your child through her ds. It does happen. DD was 5 when this happened. The child in question was a best friend and refused to play with DD for 6 months and actively encouraged other children not play with DD. If mum1 does say anything in the playground or on school property to your ds, the school will be able to get involved. I would also be wary of the other mother and please don't fall into the trap of gossiping with her about mum1. DD is fine btw. It took almost a year for her to fully recover and I worked really hard with her and she's stronger and more principled for it as well as being a wise and mature kid. She really struggled to find friends in the playground for a few months because the other 2 friends in th group of 4 also deserted her. Now she's got a ton of other friends - I actively encourage her to play with others and we talk a lot. She does still play a lot with the three original friends as I'm not a mum, who artificially manages her friendship groups like many parents
Just like to add: Or if you or someone hears her saying something bad said about your child - or even you on school property, the school can also step in. They can't for stuff said at people's home or off school grounds.
You also sound like me - too nice for your own good. I've done a lot of work on boundaries and I'm less of a doormat these days.
It sounds like they used you as a travel agent rather than a friend and without having to pay an extra fee. You knew how to book and the best places to stay/get passes etc. I hope they pay you what they owe, I would follow up if they owe you money and get full payment. They were rude and mean, so I would let your ds decide if he wants to be friends with their dc and hopefully the friendship will fizzle out before long. I wouldn't entertain the mums behaviour any further, but would be polite but distant for your ds's sake.
Did you pay for it? They couldve at least transferred some money to your bank account. If it was me and they didnt have an online account i would ask for the cash, pop into the bank the same day (if possible), then pay for it whilst we were all sat there together. Dont talk to them again unless they talk to you, keep it short and sweet dont reveal anything that can be gossiped about. Use this as a learning experience
If they haven't paid then text them both today that they owe you £xXx for the weekend and you expect it to be paid tomorrow. Do not back down over what they owe you, as that is what they are expecting you to do. They hope you will be too embarrassed to chase them for it.
I agree with pps that you've been used as a travel agent and dumped because you've served your purpose now. I hope you don't end up out of pocket or have a lot of hassle being reimbursed.
Just learn from it and avoid this awful woman like the plague in future.
Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.
Please say they've paid you back and you haven't funded this?
That sounds awful. I'm glad your DS had a good time in the end.
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