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AIBU to be fed up of being mistaken for a man?

(21 Posts)
Dottydottydot Sun 01-May-16 22:31:59

80% of people in my profession are male, I wear my works uniform, I have short hair , so whilst I can accept that maybe people are expecting to see a man and just assume, I still find it a bit grinding day after day hearing "thanks mate", "hello young man" etc

Not just at work, I answered the front door the other day to be asked "are you mr dottydottydot".

Aibu? should i start wearing bright flowering dresses?

PacificDogwod Sun 01-May-16 22:34:49

I wear smart-casual trousers and shirts to work, wear no make-up, but have long hair and very noticeable boobs (32E) and I get addressed as 'mate' all the time.
Followed by 'oh sorry, nurse - erm, doctor' grin

Don't wear flowery dresses.
It's their mistake/issue - don't make it yours.

thecatsarecrazy Sun 01-May-16 22:38:22

I get called mate at work. Does that mean they think I'm a man?

MiddleClassProblem Sun 01-May-16 23:45:13

I'm not sure the mate thing is just a man thing but maybe in your context it could be. It sounds shit. And YANBU. You shouldn't have to have x hair or y clothes for people to see you for you.

Not the same thing but I used to get pissed off when DD was assumed a boy as a baby because her buggy was red! I mean they weren't even looking at her.

U2HasTheEdge Sun 01-May-16 23:49:49

My patients often call me a man. Well, usually a good boy!

They see my short hair and trousers and assume I'm male. I don't think I look anything like a man! It's usually the elderly ones though.

InspRemorse Sun 01-May-16 23:58:37

Does your voice not sound feminine?

stiffstink Mon 02-May-16 00:11:51

Do you get paid more than your flowery frock wearing colleagues?

AdjustableWench Mon 02-May-16 00:18:26

I get a lot of this, although to be fair I do look and sound quite masculine. It doesn't bother me - I find it quite amusing when people realise their error and apologise. My brother gets the same thing in reverse (he has long hair). I reckon most people aren't paying attention most of the time.

If you like flowery dresses, wear them! If not, ignore the bullshit...

MattDillonsPants Mon 02-May-16 00:20:44

If you're unhappy with looking masculine, why don't you make some more efforts to look feminine?

I"m not suggesting it's "bad" to have short hair, but perhaps, if it's bothering you that people mistake you for a man, you need to grow it? You could wear some makeup too? Or is that not allowed in your job?

katsopolis Mon 02-May-16 00:22:03

Better then mistaking a female customer for a man blush

She seemed OK about it but I was very blush blush

Toffeecrispy Mon 02-May-16 00:32:38

You could wear a nice pink bow on your head

AdoraBell Mon 02-May-16 00:34:15

As already said, most people don't pay attention.

Once a client told me that I had done X, which involved a face to face conversation with said client. I am blue eyed with long dark auburn hair and the person who actually had the conversation had short blonde hair and really dark brown eyes.

ClaudiaWankleman Mon 02-May-16 00:39:51

I use mate interchangeably for both men and women. I don't find it a gendered term - are you sure that your colleagues all do?

The young man this is annoying though, although presumably not malicious.

cleaty Mon 02-May-16 00:49:18

I think most people do not really look at people they talk to in these situations. They look at the clothes and length of hair, and that is all.
But I do understand your annoyance.

MattDillonsPants Mon 02-May-16 00:52:33

It's a bit like when my baby was new...she'd be dressed in a skirt or pink coat with a little hat covered in floral print and ALWAYS some elderly lady would say " old is he?'"

I got sick of it once and said "She's a girl...look, she's head to toe in pink and red" and the lady got very offended and said "Well I don't know do I?"


(disclaimer I wasn't obsessed with pink but we had a lot of hand me downs)

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Mon 02-May-16 06:34:38

In HGV land, we call each other "mate" all the time, except for Paz from Almeria, who calls us "tesoro". Which is nice.

curren Mon 02-May-16 06:59:58

I know loads of people who mate for everyone not men or women. The people calling you 'young man' probably aren't paying attention.

I have short hair, so I am not saying you must grow your hair. But you can't stop people making a quick judgment on your gender. It's not a conscious decision they are making. They aren't calling you make to upset you.

So either you need to change your appearance or except this will happen from time to time.

expotition Mon 02-May-16 07:02:58

Maybe just call them all "love" or "hen"?

ineedamoreadultieradult Mon 02-May-16 07:07:54

I do not wear make up, don't have particularly feminine features, small boobs and short hair. I used to get mistaken for a man quite a bit when I was younger as I had body confidence issues and wore quite baggy clothes. I have now started to wear more fitted clothing (still not feminine just skinny jeans instead of boot cut) and I dye my hair a reddish colour and it has made a big difference. I did these things because I wanted to not to stop people thinking I was a man btw but it seems to have had that affect.

SurferJet Mon 02-May-16 07:10:38

Maybe you do look like a man?
The work thing I wouldn't really worry about ( uniform/short hair/ male dominated profession ) easy mistake - but if people are mistaking you for a man out of work?
maybe grow your hair into a more feminine style?

manicinsomniac Mon 02-May-16 07:15:39

YANBU to be upset by it but YABU to blame anyone for it. People can't help what they think you are by looking at you, they aren't deliberately trying to hurt or upset you (or at least, there's nothing in your OP to suggest that).

You don't have to do anything at all to change your appearance if you are happy with it and yourself. But if this is upsetting you a lot then the only way forward is probably to adjust your look rather than expect people to look at you more closely.

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