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Don't want my daughter to see my sister anymore

(50 Posts)
MrsPatrickDempsey Sun 01-May-16 20:08:50

Sister has 3 sons. I have DD and DS. She has never come to terms with not having a daughter and there have been about four occasions when she has had a jealous outburst (only once directly to me) but usually to our mum.
My relationship with DD is very close; she is very easy going, we share interests and she has always been an easy child. I have trodden carefully trying not to rub my sister's nose in it but she is sensitive about the time I spend with DD and the activities we share. Commitments mean that we can't always involve my sister but they have done the odd thing together. Generally sister doesn't like DD being involved in things we do though.
It came to a head again last week when she had a go at me about DD being overweight, inactive and unhealthy. DD is a size 12, 5'7" and has big boobs. She isn't sporty but walks to and from school. I have addressed eating habits with her in the past as she has a large appetite and will eat for the sake of it. I have been conscious of treading carefully and going at it from a health perspective. But I am upset about the attack from my sister. We argued; I told her she had gone too far but she said she was entitled to be honest because she is my sister.I suspect this could be about her not having a daughter but I have been licking my wounds and reflecting on it this week and I now feel that I don't want her to see DD for fear of her being judged. Just need a bit of help to process my feelings and the situation.

Mooey89 Sun 01-May-16 20:10:11

How old is DD?

Finallyonboard Sun 01-May-16 20:12:48

How difficult OP. Your loyalty is to your DD though, so if your DSiS won't allow your DD to be part of your time together/ is rude about your DD you have no choice than to walk away.

RandomMess Sun 01-May-16 20:13:21

If she made the same comment about your DS would you feel differently?

FuckyMcFuckFace Sun 01-May-16 20:16:35

I can't believe you have put your DD on a backburner with your sis for so long. Your DDs existence is not something to try and hide and you shouldn't have pandered to this for so long.

fourpawswhite Sun 01-May-16 20:19:10

What were the outbursts?

WhereYouLeftIt Sun 01-May-16 20:20:42

I think you need to tell your sister to fuck off. All that 'entitled to be honest' is just crap. It's what people say when they know they are being needlessly rude and don't want to be called on it.

"I have trodden carefully trying not to rub my sister's nose in it but she is sensitive about the time I spend with DD and the activities we share. Commitments mean that we can't always involve my sister but they have done the odd thing together. Generally sister doesn't like DD being involved in things we do though."
Sensitive about the time a mother spends with her daughter? Again, she can just fuck off. You have no obligation to involve your sister, what pressure has been put on you to involve her? Does it come from yourself, your mother, your sister?

Boogers Sun 01-May-16 20:25:01

Your sister had no right to say anything like that about your DD and it deteriorated into argument suggests to me that there is a much bigger issue here.

For what it's worth, I have been NC with my sister for 4 years and it was due to a number of reasons but it really started when she was very nasty about DD when she was 14 months old. Hopefully it won't deteriorate into that and your sister will see that she has no right to criticise your DD in such a brutal way, but what will you do if she continues to show such negativity about your DD?

PirateFairy45 Sun 01-May-16 20:27:08

Your sister sound like a spoilt bitch.

I'd personally reduce contact. She's being pathetic and seriously needs to grow up.

conkerpods Sun 01-May-16 20:29:50

Your sister sounds 'difficult'.
I would never discuss or criticise my nieces/nephews weight with my siblings.
Rude.

TaliZorahVasNormandy Sun 01-May-16 20:31:30

Really, you need to tell your sister to fuck the fuck off. Its not yours or your DD's fault that you had a girl and she didnt.

She sounds like a rude entitled cow and I feel sorry for her son's future partners. She's gonna be the MIL from hell, especially if her sons have daughters.

MrsPatrickDempsey Sun 01-May-16 20:33:10

DD is 15. If she directed comments at my son I think I would feel the same; it's hard when your kids are openly criticised. She is generally very positive about him. The outbursts have involved tears. One was to my mum when I went to a show with DD (my xmas present to her). It was Disney Princesses on Ice and she sobbed because she would never be able to do that with a daughter. Another incident happened when there was a birthday party and DD was dressed as Belle. The other girls were all dressed up too and she cried bcis she would never be able to dress her child up like that. The recent outburst was because I had a day shopping with DD in London
( I'll never be able to have that etc etc) I mean how do you deal with that? I can't change things. I did not plan it this way. My nephews are amazing.

LineyReborn Sun 01-May-16 20:33:50

Tell your sister to do one.

Parent your daughter, ffs, and please do not fall for this crap any more. This is your daughter's life.

NinaSimoneful Sun 01-May-16 20:34:39

If your sis is being mean to your DD then your duty of care is to your DD and you should protect her from those who harm her.

Although it sounds like your DSis is saying these things to you, not DD but hey attitude could be bleeding through to DD.

TooLazyToWriteMyOwnFuckinPiece Sun 01-May-16 20:34:58

Nothing in those comments suggest it's about your dd being a daughter though. Are you sure you're not imagining her being jealous of your "perfect" family?

TooLazyToWriteMyOwnFuckinPiece Sun 01-May-16 20:35:41

Ok, xpost!

LineyReborn Sun 01-May-16 20:37:19

Oh for fuck's sake, OP. I have one DD who can't stand Disney girly shit and I don't break down and bloody cry over it.

Your sister is a self-absorbed knob and you are enabling it.

TaliZorahVasNormandy Sun 01-May-16 20:38:29

Next time she has an outburst, tell her to grow up and remember she has 3 lovely boys. Ungrateful cow.

MrsPatrickDempsey Sun 01-May-16 20:39:47

Do you think I am enabling it by Mai raining contact?

MrsPatrickDempsey Sun 01-May-16 20:40:01

maintaining

WhereYouLeftIt Sun 01-May-16 20:41:45

"I mean how do you deal with that?"
By not pandering to it. By putting your daughter first and your sister twentieth second. By telling her to get a grip. By not spending time with your sister if she's going to try to guilt you.

I have had to deal with similar. I don't see much of my sister these days. For other reasons, we live far from each other; but let's just say it's not just laziness on my part to not make more of an effort.

Junosmum Sun 01-May-16 20:42:49

Did she address the issue to you or to dd? Is there any truth in it (what's her bmi?). Could you be upset as you know it's true?

If yes, then yabu, if no, then your sisters a jealous bitch.

DMjournosrscum Sun 01-May-16 20:43:06

Your Sister sounds like she needs help. Having a strop about not being able to dress one of her kids as a princess as they are boys is beyond strange.she should concentrate in her children. How must this obsession over a girl be affecting them thinking their mum would rather have a girl? Tell her to get a grip

Hissy Sun 01-May-16 20:45:00

Your sister is cracked love! Do tell her to dry up and enjoy her fabulous family.

It's seriously not you here, it's her. Agreed that taking a step back would be the best approach, but tell her why, hopefully she'll get over herself.

Doesn't your mother tell her to stfu?

ImperialBlether Sun 01-May-16 20:46:32

It's not up to the girl's aunt to go off on one about her weight though, is it, Junosmum?

OP, your sister sounds barmy, tbh. What's stopping her from taking her boys out to things they'd like to do? In fact what's stopping your sister from taking her own mother out?

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