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To still feel really bad about this

(84 Posts)
Wetbankhols Sun 01-May-16 19:57:03

About five years ago I had a group of friends.

I liked them. My husband hated them.

Then a lot happened at once, and we moved house. At my husbands urging I deleted Facebook changed my phone no and didn't contact them again.

Too much water under the bridge now but I still feel shit about it.

TimeToMuskUp Sun 01-May-16 19:59:43

Could you go on Facebook and try to make contact and build some bridges? Explain that life (and your DH) got in the way and apologise for disappearing? Also, why did he hate them? Do you have friends now?

molyholy Sun 01-May-16 20:00:29

So your husband told you to dump your mates and with no resistance, you did? Do you miss them, or just feel shite about the way you deleted them from your life?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sun 01-May-16 20:00:38

It's a bit shitty of him to expect you to dump your mates because " he didn't like them ". Well incase it escaped his notice you did like them. He sounds very controlling to be honest.

Wetbankhols Sun 01-May-16 20:01:05

I think there's too much water under the bridge.

Occasionally I think about it but deep down I know I should have reached out three or four years ago not now.

I've one or two friends now smile

As for why he hated them - I suppose because a couple were quite critical of him, which he's never liked.

Wetbankhols Sun 01-May-16 20:01:28

Both, moly

TimeToMuskUp Sun 01-May-16 20:04:07

Were they critical of how he was towards you? My friends wouldn't criticise my DH unless he was a dick to me (in which case I'd be cutting him off, not them) so it's odd they'd openly criticise him.

There's no statute of limitations on friendships. I moved area as a child (adopted in another county when I was 10) and recently found a load of my Y5 friends from primary school and have had meet-ups and still got on famously. Some humble pie and a sincere apology can go a long way.

sizeofalentil Sun 01-May-16 20:04:43

It's never too late OP. But, tbh, I'm more concerned at your husband asking you to ditch your friends…

nightpiano Sun 01-May-16 20:06:26

Are you still with your husband?

WonkoTheSane42 Sun 01-May-16 20:08:14

Is your husband controlling in other ways?

RainbowJack Sun 01-May-16 20:09:38

At my husbands urging I deleted Facebook changed my phone no and didn't contact them again.

He sounds controlling.

AristotlesTrousers Sun 01-May-16 20:10:15

It's never too late to make amends, OP. If you miss your friends, then get in touch, if that's what you want to do. flowers

Wetbankhols Sun 01-May-16 20:10:20

It honestly is a bit late. I do really miss them, BUT, I brought it on myself - I could have said no!

So if you're reading, I'm really sorry guys. I liked you, very much, and you brought me a lot of happiness and smiles and I'm sorry I couldn't return that.

molyholy Sun 01-May-16 20:15:27

If they were good friends, I would also say, as a pp said, that it's never too late to get in touch. I have a friend who I used to be extremely ose to. He moved and we lost touch for about 10 years. When I traced him on facebook through a mutual friend, we were both absolutey delighted to hear from each other and have visited each other etc. We're still not in touch all the time. It can be months sometimes, but I still count him as one of my best friends. Get back in touch. What have you got to lose? I also agree with a pp who said your mates only slate your partner to your face if they think there is something seriously wrong with your choice of partner.

JJoy342 Sun 01-May-16 20:16:21

It might be awkward to contact them again but if you really miss them, then it's worth a shot. You can also try and grow your current circle of friends, go to meet ups or join a club and make some new friends.

FuckyMcFuckFace Sun 01-May-16 20:19:37

Either he is controlling (is he happy you having friends in general/keeping in close touch with family?) Or he could see them for what they were. Unless he was nasty to them, why we're they critical of him?

DH hasn't liked friends of mine in the past, but he hasn't told me until I saw it too and dumped them. He has been right every time.

QuiteLikely5 Sun 01-May-16 20:19:59

You're not giving enough info.

Do you mean you confided in them about him - they gave you an opinion and you told him what they said?

Were they bad to you?

Wetbankhols Sun 01-May-16 20:20:48

I've no real way of contacting them.

What do you mean not giving enough info? smile

Grilledaubergines Sun 01-May-16 20:22:43

Probably too late. people move on.

Please tell me you ditched the controlling husband too?

LumpySpacedPrincess Sun 01-May-16 20:22:54

Is he now ex dh?

QuiteLikely5 Sun 01-May-16 20:23:32

You say he did not like them - why?

Was he justified?

HackerFucker22 Sun 01-May-16 20:24:16

Why did your husband encourage you to delete them / change your number etc? why?

Wetbankhols Sun 01-May-16 20:26:15

As I've said, they were critical of him or some were and plus there was a lot of stuff going on so we had a 'fresh start' which I now recognise was a bad idea, but at the time seemed to be what I needed?

mineofuselessinformation Sun 01-May-16 20:26:37

I've lost friends because xh discouraged my friendships. I really regret it.
How about trying to look them up on FB?

LaConnerie Sun 01-May-16 20:27:33

I think op may be avoiding the questions about her H being controlling for a reason sad

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