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AIBU? is he BU? I really can't tell any more!

(61 Posts)
makeitpink Sun 01-May-16 10:59:43

Ok long story short I feel like my partner is emotionally abusing me but I'm not sure if I am just being overly sensitive? Or seeing things where they aren't there.

He will call me fat (I am over weight) and think it's a joke but I have told him it does upset me, he looks at other, much slimmer, younger, prettier women when we are out together and is really obvious about it and he will always make sure I know when he is looking at other women on FB.

When ever he says something nice he will follow it up by looking at his pint and suggesting that he's drunk/something wrong with the beer cause obviously he'd have to be under some influence to say nice things to me. He doesn't say he loves me really, will sometimes text it.

He has some good points and will take me and my kids out for dinner and treat the kids to bits and pieces when we are out. And he does always say he's joking when he says hurtful things.

This morning I asked him to fill my glass with water whilst he was in the kitchen and he only filled it half way (he knows this really annoys me!!). It feels like the last straw.

So AIBU? Or is he being emotionally abusive?? Sorry for epic post!

DoreenLethal Sun 01-May-16 11:01:23

Well, no matter what you call it - it isn't nice is it?

How long have you been together? You are within your rights to end something that you are not enjoying and that doesn't benefit you regardless of whether it has a name or not.

Cat2014 Sun 01-May-16 11:03:37

Yes he sounds awful. Don't put up with it, tell him you won't put up with it any more. If he calls you uptight or whatever tell him fine - go and find someone else who will put up with this shit but you won't. End of. Sorry but men like this make me so angry. I know a couple and I so want to cut them down to size.

Krampus Sun 01-May-16 11:04:58

I was about to say the same as DoreenLethal

He is not nice to you, it doesnt matter if he is technically abusive, you don't have to be with him.

Creatureofthenight Sun 01-May-16 11:06:22

I don't know if he's definitely EA but he is definitely a dickhead.

RaeSkywalker Sun 01-May-16 11:07:20

You've told him that his 'jokes' upset you, but he's still doing it. He sounds horrible.

gleam Sun 01-May-16 11:07:45

He's not kind, pink.
Kindness is truly important imo.

NoahVale Sun 01-May-16 11:12:10

he sounds a bit of a Lad

Please just leave. You don't have to put up with that.

"Bit of a Lad" >>> I am shock at this. This isn't banter/ being a lad. It's being nasty. There is no excuse

Greyponcho Sun 01-May-16 11:16:53

Yes, it's emotionally abusive.
How long before you'll be wondering if he's sleeping with these other women he's looking at? How long before he'll start hinting that he is?
If it takes a bit of drink in him to be 'nice' to you, he's not actually nice at all.
He's a total twat.
Get rid and get someone who makes you feel good about yourself

AdrenalineFudge Sun 01-May-16 11:17:05

You really don't need any other reason to end a relationship than it's just not working for you. He is supposed to support you, love you, respect you and treat you as an equal. He's not doing that and in fact is going out of his way to treat you with contempt.

Part of the cycle of abuse is nice/nasty. He occasionally can be nice so that he doesn't push you too far over the edge. This is no way to live.

PurpleVauxhall Sun 01-May-16 11:17:32

He sounds like a twat.

makeitpink Sun 01-May-16 11:19:02

Whenever I challenge him or try and talk about it he tells me that I must be 'in season' and that I'm being overly sensitive or sulking. I admit that I can be difficult sometimes but mostly I try and keep him happy. Apparently I've changed and I used to look forward to seeing him etc. Now I'm just hard work. We've been together about 6yrs now. X

Pinkheart5915 Sun 01-May-16 11:20:05

I don't know if it's EA but it is no way to treat a partner calling them fat, clearly looking at other woman. Only saying nice things to you when his drunk then says it was because of the beer.
You told him he it upsets you yet he continues to do it, that isn't very respectful to you.

he sounds a bit of a lad why do people always say this on these threads?? hmm there is a massive difference between being a "lad" and telling your partner she is fat don't you think?

peggyundercrackers Sun 01-May-16 11:20:15

I would be livid over the jokes and PA comments but not give a toss over glass of water no matter how much is in it.

AdrenalineFudge Sun 01-May-16 11:22:28

I try and keep him happy

This is definitely EA in my book. Again, this walking on egg shells not wanting to upset him and keep on his good side. Tbh it sounds as though you're really questioning your judgement. People like this know exactly what they're doing and want to reduce your self-esteem to the point where you don't know up from down anymore.

makeitpink Sun 01-May-16 11:22:42

Haha Peggy I do agree it's a little petty but he does it every time, he will fill a pint glass half way and then think it's funny when I have to get up and fill it up properly. This is why I wonder if maybe the relationship has got to the point that we are both irritating each other. It is hard to leave though.

DoreenLethal Sun 01-May-16 11:23:08

in season/hard work?

Fuck that for a laugh. Put the poor dear out of his misery and kick his sorry arse out of your life.

Greyponcho Sun 01-May-16 11:28:29

Right... so if there's an issue that results in you not being happy, it's all your fault (hormones - condescending, much? hmm ) and absolutely nothing to do with him? That's not a healthy relationship, sorry.

SecretLimonadeDrinker Sun 01-May-16 11:56:36

He sounds like an arsehole and not worthy of you.

He is deliberately doing things that annoy you and say things that hurt you. You deserve better flowers

makeitpink Sun 01-May-16 11:59:49

Whenever I've tried to break up with him he laughs at me then says I must be getting bored with him (like its my fault?) then when I try and explain how I feel he just says that he accepts my apology. He just keeps repeating that he accepts my apology and it's ok till I literally don't know what I'm doing or saying any more.

makeitpink Sun 01-May-16 12:00:32

How do I break up with him and leave with some of my self worth/esteem in tact?!

Creatureofthenight Sun 01-May-16 12:06:58

Ok I'm upgrading dickhead to complete twat.
I'm breaking out my very first LTB.
I can't see that you're getting anything good from this relationship. He is mean to you and belittles your feelings.
If you want to preserve your self-esteem, get shot of him.

DoreenLethal Sun 01-May-16 12:09:47

What is the house situation?

AlpacaLypse Sun 01-May-16 12:11:11

Your self esteem will start to grow again when you change the locks and leave his stuff out on the doorstep in bin bags.

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