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AIBU?

AIBU to think you should be careful with your behaviour if you're a teacher out of hours and socialising with parents?

117 replies

SuperFlyHigh · 29/04/2016 06:53

I have a friend who's a contract supply teacher in a large town. She teaches primary - mostly I think all ages but currently with 9-10 year old mostly. She's been there about 3 years.

She spoke to me recently at first it was oh it'll be ok but now she thinks it could be more serious...

When they broke up for Easter holidays she and her colleagues went to a local pub near school, they go to this pub a fair bit, weed is consumed etc. sometimes some of the parents visit the same pub. Normally this isn't a problem but on this occasion a dad got into a row with my friend after he came onto her and she rebuffed him. When she said no, he drunkenly made a threat about reporting her to the school as she'd had weed and also she said a bit of speed too. He also said her son (who is 10) had seen her go into the park opposite the school and come back stoned at lunchtime. She does go into the park at lunch especially if weather is nice but she doesn't generally smoke (sometimes though with a drink) but certainly not weed at lunchtime.

Anyway the dad threatened to tell on her for both times.

Of course it's now after Easter and as far as she knows there has been no talk from the parent, she hasn't even seen the dad at pickup times (she is not generally around at pickup but sometimes bumps into parents near gates etc), she is employed by an agency so she's thinks they would be in touch, or headmaster.

I've said maybe she should not partake in illegal drugs after work at pub near school if parents could be present... Just in case.

So AIBU to advise her to be more careful in future near school?

OP posts:

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Creampastry · 29/04/2016 06:55

Your friends an idiot and the father should tell the school.

TheSolitaryBoojum · 29/04/2016 06:56

She's being daft and she's already learnt that there can be very negative consequences. No, she shouldn't let her guard down when socialising with parents. It's less like being out with mates and more like being on a family visit with relatives who are judgemental.

LindyHemming · 29/04/2016 06:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuperFlyHigh · 29/04/2016 06:57

Creampastry that's the thing, now she feels she has this "hanging over her".

Her contract may be renewed at any time but she doesn't want to leave!

I think she is daft to shit on her own doorstep to be honest, lots of other pubs further away if she wants to get stoned...

OP posts:

topcat2014 · 29/04/2016 06:59

Why would any of this be the school's business - teaching is just a job like any other. The person is entitled to a life as well?

SuperFlyHigh · 29/04/2016 07:00

TheSolitary see from what she tells me, she thought the dad was one of the "cool dads" and could be trusted... And they didn't mind having a drink with him. I did point out to her a couple of drinks is very different to soft drugs.

I think she's been really stupid to be honest....

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teacher54321 · 29/04/2016 07:00

I thought you were going to say something like she'd been a bit tipsy and seen some parents whilst out and about or having a crafty fag in the car park! Not she'd been smoking weed in the pub and been in a slanging match with a parent!

She's daft.

My head who is lovely would take an exceptionally dim view of this I think.

wannabestressfree · 29/04/2016 07:01

Speed as well as weed? Her son seeing her? She deserves to be dobbed in then. What a fool.... hopefully though the fact he came onto her and got rebuffed will be enough to keep him quiet. I would keep a low profile though if I were her.... maybe stick to tea at home..

TheSolitaryBoojum · 29/04/2016 07:01

It's not the school's business, but the harm done by parental gossip can be huge.
Pole-dancing isn't illegal, but got a group of teachers in trouble a few years back.

TheSolitaryBoojum · 29/04/2016 07:02

She sounds very young.

SuperFlyHigh · 29/04/2016 07:02

topcat there could be all sorts of repercussions, what if the son then said she had weed on her (at school) etc... You know what some kids can be like. There is always an element of gossip (this is a London school) about some teachers especially at that ages where some kids are streetwise.

I personally would stick to a couple of drinks after work on Friday at pub near school and that's it! Some teachers live near the school and have parties/bbqs but that's far more private than the pub.

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SuperFlyHigh · 29/04/2016 07:04

TheSolitary that's the shame of it, she's late 30s!

She is quite naive though and a bit of a new age hippy type (kids adore her she's very pretty and girly and soft).

She has no children (never wanted them) and is engaged to be married.

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Mooey89 · 29/04/2016 07:06

The thing is, if you socialise near where you work and you know there is a chance that you will bump into parents, you just have to curb it!

I'm a social worker and I live in the same city I work in, and I have a life, I go out, but we call it 'the fear' - the blind fear that you will jump into a client when you are out drinking - it's a hazard of working where you live and if I've ever bumped into a client, I've swiftly moved somewhere else!
Who wants to see their social worker/child's teacher/doctor downing shots in the pub?

Duckdeamon · 29/04/2016 07:07

This isn't about being unprofessional around parents but about openly taking illegal drugs.

SuperFlyHigh · 29/04/2016 07:07

wannabe that's what I told her, because he was rebuffed he won't say anything but she is now paranoid he will tell at some point.

I did say if you're that bothered then just ask for another contract and do not do this again no matter how friendly and cool the parents are!

I also mentioned to her TheSolitary that other teachers have got in trouble for other "close to the mark" behaviour.

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honkinghaddock · 29/04/2016 07:07

She is being a fool smoking weed anywhere in public. I wouldn't go to a local pub with a group of colleagues after work if it was going to be a drinking session. We always took ourselves a few miles away.

twelly · 29/04/2016 07:08

If she were in a different occupation then it would be none of the employers business, but in the case of teaching like a number of other jobs it is the employers business. If you were to be reported and you were prosecuted then certainly you could loose your job. The point is that in some jobs the behaviour outside your time at work is held to be relevant.

SuperFlyHigh · 29/04/2016 07:11

Duckdeamon to be fair in this pub (won't name area) it is very common to smell it, see it in the pub gardens, especially of this pub... Even in the streets around it weed can be smelled easily. The speed etc not so sure, but to have a spliff outside is not a rare site... Obviously not on street.

I personally hate weed and don't touch it... As I don't smoke.

Mooey years ago I used to temp at a bail hostel/probation service and the officers used to go to pubs in areas where their clients were, but like as you say, I think they were doubly careful and on their guard! So as not to see clients in the same pubs!

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Ditsy4 · 29/04/2016 07:12

I'd be more concerned about her son if I were you.
Social services would also be interested. She is putting her son at risk. Poor kid.

She is behaving badly and could lose her job if the school found out. She should stop now if she wants to continue teaching.

SuperFlyHigh · 29/04/2016 07:13

honking this pub is literally 5 minutes down the road. I think it's been thought of a safe option as very free and easy pub but also parents don't often go there... Until now!

I told her do what you like away from the area but don't do it now near the area! She is an idiot. Hopefully this will shake her up.

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SuperFlyHigh · 29/04/2016 07:14

Ditzy sorry if I didn't make it clear she does not have a son, the son is the son of the dad who saw her with the spliff.

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rollonthesummer · 29/04/2016 07:15

I'm confused-the man said her son saw her with weed on her but is this true? Was she taking drugs at school? In the pub with the dad?

QueenofLouisiana · 29/04/2016 07:15

Teaching standards actually include a reference to maintaining the professional standards outside of school. I can't remember what the wording is, but effectively it's "don't go out and get pissed where you can get into trouble and parents will see you". In theory you can be disciplined for doing so.
Personally, I avoid boozy nights out near to school (even with non-school friends). My next very big night out will be 70 miles away, just to make sure!

TheSolitaryBoojum · 29/04/2016 07:16

Perhaps all adults should be randomly drug-tested, including alcohol. With consequences if they fail.

SoupDragon · 29/04/2016 07:17

your friend is living dangerously
the father is a complete wanker.

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