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To think this is odd?

(48 Posts)
HelpForAFriendInNeed Thu 28-Apr-16 20:17:03

My friend told me earlier that his 14 year old daughter sleeps in is ex wife's bed with her every night (4 bed house with just the two of them). AIBU to think this is odd?

Floggingmolly Thu 28-Apr-16 20:18:10

Why on earth would he tell you that?

StealthPolarBear Thu 28-Apr-16 20:18:49

His ex wife being her mother?
It's certainly unusual but I'd suspect there's something you don't know.

icelollycraving Thu 28-Apr-16 20:19:17

Maybe she's always slept in with her mum. Maybe she got lonely. Maybe she finds it comforting. Maybe it isn't for you but each to their own.

HelpForAFriendInNeed Thu 28-Apr-16 20:20:50

Yes, her mother. I would've thought teenagers would want their privacy.

TormundGiantsbabe Thu 28-Apr-16 20:22:03

Adults in relationships (usually) sleep in the same bed and that's normal but a child finding comfort in her own mother's bed is odd?

Passmethecrisps Thu 28-Apr-16 20:22:05

Some do. Some need comfort and some have habits.

Unusual but I suspect not as unusual as you might think.

MammaTJ Thu 28-Apr-16 20:22:43

Surely if she wanted her privacy, she could get it by taking herself to one of the other rooms.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Thu 28-Apr-16 20:22:51

I think it's unusal. I don't think there anything odd about it. Maybe she's upset by the divorce, maybe she has bad dreams, maybe she just likes the company. It's not a big deal..

HelpForAFriendInNeed Thu 28-Apr-16 20:24:08

I could completely understand her sleeping there once in a while having watched a film or something in bed, but every single night at 14?

BadgersNadgers Thu 28-Apr-16 20:24:58

My niece slept in my sisters's bed until she was 15. I thought it was fucking odd.

curren Thu 28-Apr-16 20:25:04

It's not common ( as not many teens do this) but not odd. However I slept with mum a lot as a teenager.

Unless the mother is forcing or guilting her into it, I don't see the issue. She clearly has her own room so if she wants her space, she can have it.

FeelingSmurfy Thu 28-Apr-16 20:25:50

We knew someone who's child slept on a mattress at the end of their bed, last time we were in touch with them he was 14!! He also had much younger siblings, eugh!

acasualobserver Thu 28-Apr-16 20:27:39

I think it's odd too. But, then again, there are much odder things in the world.

Coffeethrowtrampbitch Thu 28-Apr-16 20:30:19

Yes it is odd.

I posted last year because my friend was concerned about her DD sharing a bed with her dad. The DD was ten and the father had agreed he would sleep in the living room and she could have his bed, but in practice was just sharing his bed so his DD did not have any personal space.

I was slated and accused of implying the father was sexually abusive, (I didn't) and told it was perfectly normal for a ten year old to share a bed with her dad and not have any private space to in her home.

Fortunately my friend's ex moved to a larger home and their DD now has her own room, the opportunity to have friends over, and some space of her own. It seems to have been very good for her and she seems much happier.

But I don't know what, if anything your friend could do for his child, other than find out if she is unhappy with her sleeping arrangements and support his daughter to talk to her Mum about it if she is.

AvaLeStrange Thu 28-Apr-16 20:31:23

My DD is 11 and loves to have a sleepover in my bed if DH is out late for the evening.

If it was ever just the two of us she would probably want to move in permanently tbh.

There is really nothing odd about our relationship.

gamerchick Thu 28-Apr-16 20:33:06


I've known people to bed share with their mothers until older than 14. It doesn't matter!

Muskateersmummy Thu 28-Apr-16 20:38:11

I co sleep. If dd wanted to when she was 14 I wouldn't stop her. Maybe she's done this since the split to be closer to her mum. If both mum and daughter are happy then I see no problem

icelollycraving Thu 28-Apr-16 20:39:13

I suspect you are giving this man the validation he wanted by your reaction.

HelpForAFriendInNeed Thu 28-Apr-16 20:41:42

icelollycraving he sees nothing wrong with it. He's desperate to get his ex back and thinks it's perfectly normal. I didn't comment on it but honestly find it baffling.

Arfarfanarf Thu 28-Apr-16 20:42:40

It is 'odd' in so far as it is not common. But I would imagine there is reason for it. She won't still be in there when she's 30. It's just sleeping. Perhaps she is anxious. Maybe there is something going on that you are not aware of.

If it is not something the girl wants but the mother is insisting on, then that's not acceptable, but if the girl just wants for reasons you do not know, to sleep in with her mum then it's not the end of the world.

How long since he left? Did this start then? I can't imagine it was all three of them in the bed when he was still there.

icelollycraving Thu 28-Apr-16 20:45:03

Fair enough. I wrongly assumed he was trying to get you onside about it.
If he sees nothing wrong then I'd assume she had either done it frequently or for a more recent reason.

Panadbois Thu 28-Apr-16 20:45:38

I can't get my 15 year ol DD to share the sofa with me of an evening. hmm

Floggingmolly Thu 28-Apr-16 20:53:11

If he sees nothing wrong in it and thinks it's perfectly normal (which it is), why did he tell you about it at all?

HelpForAFriendInNeed Thu 28-Apr-16 21:02:57

floggingmolly because he wants to move back in, but said that obviously him and ex wouldn't be sharing a room because his daughter sleeps there.

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