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to be upset by this...

(95 Posts)
CycleNut Thu 28-Apr-16 18:40:52

I've worked really hard for three years to do a phd. I've worked throughout this time, prioritised my two young children and my husband, and frankly pushed myself to the limit. I work solidly 2 hours every eve after children in bed and juggled it round my dcs. Dh has been superbly supportive. Today i arrived at my parents db and dm were inside talking. They know I'm just about to submit my thesis and this was the conversation.... db saying - 'we'll have to pretend to be happy for cycle I suppose'...' I think she's completely wasted her time, everyone will just think she's some weird nut job now'. I expected my mum to disagree but she just nodded and said 'I'm not sure what she was trying to prove...'
I'm so proud of myself and its secured me the job I really wanted and I'm proud of what I did with the research but now just feel utterly deflated. We're supposed to have a bbq when I submit next week but I really don't want to now.

MyKingdomForBrie Thu 28-Apr-16 18:42:57

I wouldn't want to either! I would challenge them with what you heard and ask what the hell they were on about given the job that it has lead to and the achievement that it is in itself. Ask why they think such negative things of you? Look them in the eye and wait for an answer.

abbsismyhero Thu 28-Apr-16 18:43:04

have BBQ don't invite them

don't let them devalue your hard work you should be proud of yourself

MarthaCliffYouCunt Thu 28-Apr-16 18:45:09

Those are odd comments which makes me want to know the backstory. There clearly is one. Why will people think you are 'a weird nut job'?

ButtonsAndBows Thu 28-Apr-16 18:46:40

Jealousy I think

molyholy Thu 28-Apr-16 18:47:08

They are jealous. Plain and simple. Don't let them take the shine of your much deserved achievements.

IAmNotAMindReader Thu 28-Apr-16 18:47:41

I would challenge them. What they are saying makes no sense as you have secured a job which you wouldn't have otherwise been able to get. What were you trying to prove? That you had the means to better yourself and support your family.

Congratulations don't let them bring you down. Point out the inaccuracies of their statements and end with "so you'd be happy for my family to be worse off so long as I didn't get above myself and look like a nut job"

Ameliablue Thu 28-Apr-16 18:47:42

yanbu that's pretty mean. Why would anyone think you were a nut job?

Steben Thu 28-Apr-16 18:48:09

That is petty and mean - big well done from me!

MaidOfStars Thu 28-Apr-16 18:48:14

PhD here.

You must be both distraught and furious. How dare they? They can't have any idea of how much of your heart and soul goes into the work. Well done you for doing that while juggling family life - I wouldn't have managed. Please don't let them deflate you. I can promise that the coming euphoria (submission, viva, graduation, changing your title with the bank wink ) will buoy you up again.

It's an amazing achievement and fuck anybody who thinks differently.

MarthaCliffYouCunt Thu 28-Apr-16 18:48:30

Hmm the 'nutjob' comment is quite specific for it to be just jealousy. There isnt a generally accepted opinion that people who do PHDs are nutjobs. There must be a specific reason why they expect people to think OP is.

TheDowagerCuntess Thu 28-Apr-16 18:49:28

What Martha said. There is clearly much more to this than meets the eye.

Nut job?

hesterton Thu 28-Apr-16 18:49:37

If you were my daughter Id5be bursting with pride. Why strange people they are. Oh well - onwards and upwards and enjoy your successes with your own little family.

PotteringAlong Thu 28-Apr-16 18:49:42

I think you're awesome flowers

I'll come to your bbq with lots of champagne if you're in the north east grin

hesterton Thu 28-Apr-16 18:50:03




MrsTerryPratchett Thu 28-Apr-16 18:50:06

In a way I'm sort of pressed with your DH, supporting you to do something for you that he clearly doesn't value. Why doesn't he value it though?

YouAreMyRain Thu 28-Apr-16 18:50:14

I think it's misogyny. You have kids so in their eyes no need to study.

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 28-Apr-16 18:50:17


almostthirty Thu 28-Apr-16 18:51:01

Wow what an amazing achievement! Please don't let them put a dampener on the celebrations !

Okay377 Thu 28-Apr-16 18:51:19

YANBU to be upset OP but I don't understand why anyone (even unreasonably) would say that completing a PhD and securing a new job would mean they were seen as 'a nutjob'. Are you sure you heard correctly? Can you ask them what they meant?

Andrewofgg Thu 28-Apr-16 18:51:22

What goes with Gomorrah?

Have a great barbecue. Without them.

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 28-Apr-16 18:51:23

Sorry got DB and DH muddled. As you were!

CombineBananaFister Thu 28-Apr-16 18:51:31

Its pretty hurtful, even if that is what they think, as your mum and brother surely they should be happy for you if you are.
Dont take it to heart though, some people just don't understand academia and think anything other than an actual job is a waste of time - ignore them. My inlaws were a bit like this because i had a degree and read books for 'fun', apparently, thats just odd - staying at school longer than you have to and reading is for weirdos and loners hmm

CycleNut Thu 28-Apr-16 18:51:41

If there is a back story I'm not clear on it.All I can think is Db was against me doing the phd at the start, I left a well paid career to do it, and new job is what I wanted to do its lower paid. He has a 'thing' I suppose about people being over educated- I.e all intelligence and no common sense. We think very differently but have always got on well. Dm has never been majorly interested but always supportive I suppose. Maybe there was more to theconversation before I arrived... I don't know

janethegirl2 Thu 28-Apr-16 18:51:42

Congrats on your PhD, sounds a bit like jealousy on their part. You have a good supportive dh and you've got the job you wanted, so I can't see how that makes you a nut job. Enjoy your BBQ (and I'd not invite them). wine

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