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To think this is an antiquated form of address?

(290 Posts)
nomoreheroes Thu 28-Apr-16 15:20:13

Long time lurker, first time poster. I received a letter today addressed to "Mr and Mrs D nomoreheroes". D being my husband's initial. While it did concern both of us, it was in response to an application I had made; so why not Mrs nomoreheroes and Mr nomoreheroes (in that order ) or just Mrs? I realise I probably can't call myself a card carrying feminist as I go by Mrs and have taken my husband's surname but I do believe in equality and neither my husband or I are "the boss" in this relationship. He'd have expected the letter to be addressed to me alone or both of us equally.
I'm not that bothered - well maybe a little miffed to be fair - but it just looks weird in 2016. AIBU?

MrsJayy Thu 28-Apr-16 15:27:22

I have always hated it i dont mind mrs husbands surname but i didnt take his whole identity when i got married. Tbf i have not seen it on a letter for a while

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es Thu 28-Apr-16 15:28:07

Yes, antiquated.

KitKatCustard Thu 28-Apr-16 15:28:26

It may be a little old fashioned but it is also correct. (See Debretts etc)

AppleMagic Thu 28-Apr-16 15:31:42

I got a birthday card addressed to Mrs HusbandsInitial HusbandsSurname. hmm

nomoreheroes Thu 28-Apr-16 15:34:31

Hmm...not sure about Debretts in this day and age really Kitkat...that just reinforces my notion that it's antiquated. I'm in the public sector and some of my older colleagues still write Mr X and Mrs or Miss Y when recording minutes of meetings which I sort of put in the same category. But I've never read Debretts so maybe I'm talking rubbish! away to Google it now

AppleSetsSail Thu 28-Apr-16 15:34:48

This is how I address my correspondence to married couples having the same last name.

Noodledoodledoo Thu 28-Apr-16 15:35:44

I would find Mrs Husbands Initial, Husbands Surname a bit odd if it was addressed to me alone, but I don't get worked up over it being Mr and Mrs Husbands Initial Husbands Surname at all. I doubt I would even notice!

I have taken his surname so its actually our surname in effect.

I find our joint account annoying as they use both our full names on the statement which I think is excessive. Irritates me every month.

CandPthisyoufuckers Thu 28-Apr-16 15:36:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StationaryShop Thu 28-Apr-16 15:37:54

Antiquated, offensive and pretty cuntish to be honest.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Thu 28-Apr-16 15:40:44

I address joint stuff to my parents as Mr & Mrs X Surname, but I think that's because it was normal and I like them to think I paid attention at school.

I would never address DB & SIL as Mr & Mrs X Surname, or my best friend and her DH. They'd kill me!

I think it's dying out slowly.

KatharinaRosalie Thu 28-Apr-16 15:41:12

Considering how many people don't like it, I really don't get why it's still used. As opposed to John and Jane Surname; or Mr and Mrs Surname (if sharing surname, obviously). My name is not John, thanks very much.

fastdaytears Thu 28-Apr-16 15:43:06

I don't think this will change any time soon, not in formal correspondence anyway.

I hate it. Who still thinks a wife's identity get subsumed into that of her husband. It has no place in the 21st century.

MrsJayy Thu 28-Apr-16 15:46:22

I like the bank taking the effort to address to both of us but it would be easier to be Mr &Mrs surname no initials

nomoreheroes Thu 28-Apr-16 15:47:10

Thinking about it, I probably have done it myself in the past and certainly did address things to my parents like this when my Dad was alive. But I can't imagine doing it now. I'm definitely not cross, just a bit hmm

crayfish Thu 28-Apr-16 15:48:18

I hate it. What winds me up more is that we actually get Christmas cards etc. addressed in this way from DH's arsey relatives usually despite the fact that I didn't change my name when we got married.

I think they are trying to make a point. Once I said, gently, to DH's mother that I would prefer it if she used my actual name (Ms Crayfish) rather than Mrs DHinitial DHlastname and she said "oh I can never remember your surname". The woman is friends with me on Facebook where my name is clearly written, not to mention the fact that she has known me for years. It's the height of rudeness.

MrsJayy Thu 28-Apr-16 15:52:51

Oh I can never remember your name would wind me right up she is basically saying how silly you are for being ms crayfish

ConfuciousSayWhat Thu 28-Apr-16 15:53:49

There are bigger issues in life than this

MissTurnstiles Thu 28-Apr-16 15:54:20

I realise I probably can't call myself a card carrying feminist as I go by Mrs and have taken my husband's surname but I do believe in equality and neither my husband or I are "the boss" in this relationship.

Of course you can. Congratulations - you are a feminist!

nomoreheroes Thu 28-Apr-16 15:56:24

That's so rude Crayfish! If I manage to get around to sending Xmas cards to friends I have either written e.g. to "Ms Friendsname and Mr Husbandsname" or to "The Husbandsname Family" (if that's the name the kids use). Does that make sense? I hope that's not offensive?

nomoreheroes Thu 28-Apr-16 16:00:04

Yes Confucious, there are. That's why I like mumsnet, room for all sorts of subject from comedy to tragedy and everything in between. wink

Coffeethrowtrampbitch Thu 28-Apr-16 16:01:09

This annoys me too.
I started an investigation into PPI for a loan linked to our mortgage. Even though I was first point of contact, my name was first on everything, and the award form was addressed to us both, there was just one space for a signature confirming we accepted the payment as full settlement of the claim.
Dh's signature. angry

I wonder if they would have any comeback if I pursued them further, as only dh has agreed not to, but I'm sure that having a penis means he can sign legal agreements on behalf of us both hmm

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es Thu 28-Apr-16 16:03:48

I used to do it in the mistaken belief that if someone used Mrs DHSurname it was all part of the same thing really, but a thread like this a few years ago made me realise the error of my ways and I reserve it for elderly aunts and uncles now, everyone else is John and Jane Brown or whatever.

BarbaraofSeville Thu 28-Apr-16 16:18:30

I think titles are completely irrelevant and don't see why people can't just be John or Jane Brown, or if people insist on titles nothing else except Ms or Mr Brown is used.

It basically boils down to making an issue of a woman's perceived or actual marital status while not doing the same for men. Men don't have to go through life answering the 'is it Miss Mrs or Ms' question and having less enlightened people making an issue and judgement on them depending on which title they use.

Therefore it absolutely is an important issue. OK not on a scale of the EU referendum or the war in Syria but something that effects over half the population and treats them in a different (inferior) way to men.

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