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AIBU to think that DH - a teacher - could take a day off work?

(460 Posts)
BackAche21 Thu 28-Apr-16 12:46:33

I have been a SAHM for 2 yrs after redundancy and now I have got myself a job interview, which happens to fall on the day that DS (4) has an allergy challenge in hospital. DH says he can't take the day off teaching as his Y12s are close to AS exams, and he is head of department so it looks bad, plus notoriously stingy Headteacher may not give permission. But aside from permission (there were sickies in my day) he doesn't even want to ask. I don't know what solution he thinks is possible.

I am already asking the hospital if they can change the date - but we've already changed it once owing to DS being unwell - and they might not let us change it again. It won't be an option to ask potential employer to change the date as they have a whole load of obstacles lined up for candidates on the day, involving meeting other people too.

IMHO it puts me in an impossible situation as I don't think anyone other than a parent can really do the hospital gig, and our family needs me to get a job. before redundancy all sick children etc fell to me to take time off work, and I feel like he's just staking this ground again - his teaching time is untouchable. Makes me mad, but AIBU?

Flossiesmummy Thu 28-Apr-16 12:48:18

My DH is also a teacher.

I think he should at least be willing to ask.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Thu 28-Apr-16 12:49:26

With 2 dc about to sit exams, I would want their teachers available. Sorry.

Twitterqueen Thu 28-Apr-16 12:49:59

Well this is a very tricky one tbh, and as the mum of a Yr12 I do understand where's coming from. However I think he should look at this as putting his son's welfare first. It's not always your job to do everything. So on balance, I don't either of you is BU but I do think he should step in here. Your job intervew could be life-changer.

Lilaclily Thu 28-Apr-16 12:50:22

Well I don't think him letting go down his year 12s by taking a sickie is a good idea at all
I do think you're being a bit harsh
Teachers can't take time off when they want
Can't you reschedule when appointment for the holidays?

whois Thu 28-Apr-16 12:50:51

Either the family needs you to get a job, and hence the family (ie DH!) facilitates it by requesting a day off, or the family doesn't need you to get a job.

He can't have it both ways.

Careful because this is a clear indication he will always think his work is more important and it will always be you taking time off for sickness etc.

kickassangel Thu 28-Apr-16 12:50:55

When I taught in the UK we didn't have the right to take time off to take children to hospital - we could ask, and generally were allowed the day unpaid if we REALLY made the case that the hospital would only allow certain times etc. One colleague of mine was only allowed one day when her child was in hospital after an operation. She had to leave her kid in hospital with someone else there and come to work.

If he has a stingy head, then asking for the day sometimes gets thrown back at them in reviews etc.

BUT - he should be willing to consider it. What will he do if you get a job? Presumably you'll need a few months to settle in, when he'll be the first one on call for the DC? Has he considered this?

whois Thu 28-Apr-16 12:51:37

Teachers can't take time off when they want

What do teachers who are single parents do? What do parents who are both teachers do?

It's not impossible to take some time off.

gandalf456 Thu 28-Apr-16 12:51:48

I agree with the above. What happens when you start work and he has appointment or sickness? Then does that mean that it always falls on you? I would establish the boundaries now where have to be 50/50. I mean, does he want you to go back to work or not? If he does then he has to be prepared to pull his weight with regards 2 things going wrong or it won't work. Your new employer won't like it anymore than his would

ChicRock Thu 28-Apr-16 12:52:19

He's always had this attitude and you're already facilitating his 'staking this ground again'.

If the hospital aren't able to change the appointment, ask him what solution he proposes?

ElderlyKoreanLady Thu 28-Apr-16 12:53:02

YANBU. It may look bad him taking a day off right now but it looks fucking awful that he won't so much as ask for a day off to take his son to the hospital.

Fragglewump Thu 28-Apr-16 12:53:52

Teachers can't just take time off unless they want a disciplinary action against them. I wouldn't think it's worth jeopardising your husbands career over an allergy appointment. I'm sure the hospital will reschedule. Are there other issues that make you think your husband isn't pulling his weight?

Ifyoubuildit Thu 28-Apr-16 12:54:06

Of course he can and he should.

This isn't about your job interview, it's about your child's medical appointment.

StarUtopia Thu 28-Apr-16 12:54:44

YABU. Teaching is totally different to any other job (which, if you've ever been a teacher and had other jobs beforehand!) you would know.

Assuming you have literally no one to ask (which given you are a SAHM I find somewhat a little unbelievable,,,you must surely know lots of other SAHMs?!) there's nothing to stop you arranging a professional babysitter. It's really not that difficult.

Or am I missing something?! You are sounding unreasonable and a little precious if I'm honest.

ChicRock Thu 28-Apr-16 12:56:35

Star you're suggesting a professional babysitter takes their son to a hospital appointment? confused

Ifyoubuildit Thu 28-Apr-16 12:56:36

So what happens in households with two teachers when a child needs a medical appointment?

JustABigBearAlan Thu 28-Apr-16 12:57:05

Arggh, it's so tricky.
Firstly, well done on the job interview and good luck! flowers

Of course you're not unreasonable to expect your dh to take your (and his!) DS to the hospital.

But... I totally get where he's coming from. It's so hard to lose any teaching time just before exams. In this respect teaching is different from so many other jobs as you can't just say take half a day's leave, or re-arrange your work for the day!
Saying that, how big is his class? I have re-scheduled lessons or organised extra ones in the past - with a small, willing group of students it might be possible?

I guess the best case would be if the hospital are willing to change the date. Perhaps wait and see what they say first and then worry about it if it's not possible.

ElderlyKoreanLady Thu 28-Apr-16 12:57:10

hmm I refuse to accept that there are no teachers who are also single parents and have to do this stuff alone.

NannawifeofBaldr Thu 28-Apr-16 12:57:43

It is difficult for teachers but I think he needs to ask for the minimum time required to take your child to the appointment and then put in some other child care in place for the rest of the day.

He needs to frame it with his boss that the time is for a medical appoint for his child.

Topseyt Thu 28-Apr-16 12:59:35

Sorry, but teachers really cannot take time off like that. I know that makes it hard for you, but with classes of 30 or so children to supervise plus the fact that exam season is just around the corner, that would make it virtually impossible and he would look very bad to ask.

My parents were both teachers. They were hardly ever at home during term time unless someone was particularly ill or there was something like the funeral of a close family member.

Schools are coming down like a ton of bricks on absences of pupils, so can hardly let their own staff off except in the most dire emergency.

I think it sounds as though you are going to have to reschedule your DS's hospital appointment again.

Ifyoubuildit Thu 28-Apr-16 13:01:29

My parents are both teachers and used to have time off to take me to the doctor

HermioneJeanGranger Thu 28-Apr-16 13:01:39

He needs to ask, but I think just before AS exams, he may well be told "No". But he does need to ask.

Be prepared for it to be made very difficult for him, though.

antimatter Thu 28-Apr-16 13:01:45

Does it have to be full day off?

MrsPatterson2014 Thu 28-Apr-16 13:04:31

I am a teacher. Sometimes you need to take time off for appointments, kid stuff etc. Depending on the head some will be paid, some unpaid. You request a leave of absence. All schools I have worked in have a leave of absence for teaching and non yeah in staff -recognising that yes sometimes teachers need to be absent in school time. Real life does not always conveniently happen in holiday time.

cjt110 Thu 28-Apr-16 13:04:54

As an allergy parent myself, he is being a dick. Allergy tests, especially at hospital are not often come upon, and IME means the allergy is quite severe. I'm sorry, but I would be putting my child's health above anything else and taking the day off, sicky or otherwise.

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